I woke up resenting my job. Simply put, I hated it. This job has made me retched. Simply put, when you put yourself in a position where your patience is tested every 10 minutes, you start to realize what kind of person you really are deep down inside.
And I was horrible. I've spent so much time muting customers, call them douchebags and every other name in the book, and punching my cubicle and monitor, and giving my monitor the finger, that you would think that I had Tourette's.
I wanted to quit, but know I can't. I can't afford not to have this job right now. So I stay, and be the retched person I am.
Or maybe not?
Today, I come in, expecting another day of the normal idiots and me complaining behind their backs. What I got instead was not expected.
And it started with the worst call I have ever got.
Verizon has just adopted a new policy where e-mail address passwords cannot be abc123 or 123abc. Otherwise, the customer's e-mail is shut down. This is to protect them from spammers using their e-mail to send out spam and viruses. Some guy didn't see it this way, as I got a call from him saying he received an e-mail about e-mail abuse.
I kindly ask him to change his password from abc123 because it was a security risk. He, in turn tells me, "It's is own d*** security risk, so why the f*** should we care?"
I finally convinced him to at least create a sub-account with a new password, and he obliges me. Once we get that set up, and he starts using that e-mail address, he then starts prodding about why the original account was a security risk. I explain the whole security alert, and he then becomes irate that he would be accused of spamming because spammers could easily hack his account and send e-mail address, just because his name was on the account. And then he starts yelling over it again, and telling me how he thinks it should be, and blaming me over this.
Whatever. Finally get him off the call, and I take a break for a breather. I was trembling on this one, because I don't like being yelled at, and quite frankly, my natural reaction is reciprocate what I am experiencing.
And all through my breather, I debated about quitting. I just couldn't figure out how much my nerves would take, and how much longer I could stand it before destroying property, yelling at a customer, or killing someone.
My next 2 calls after my breather were simple transfers. My next call was a bad cell phone connection where the customer decided to call back later.
Then came my next call. A lady just giving it a go trying to set up her DSL by herself when her friend couldn't get it working.
When trying to find out what version of Windows she had, she had to move her plants off the desk to get her keyboard there, so she could type what I needed her to. She then started talking to her cat. Then she starts talking to me about her cat. A Tortoise-shell.
You have my attention. That's the exact breed of my two cats, which mean a lot to me. So we started talking about our cats, and going back and forth while she does this.
And the talk kept going with this lady over the course of the call.
Turns out, she was online, for some reason, it wasn't working earlier, but now, all she had to do was activate her account. Very straightforward, and I was about to cut the call off for the sake of my call time. She felt uncomfortable with the process at this time, and asked me to stay on the line. At that time I justified that by remembering that we almost never get the ActiveX controls on this page to install right, so we might have to do a manual setup.
I'm glad now that I didn't get her off the line.
As we went through the setup, she figures that is was just God's time to set up this DSL. Sounds crazy, but I think she was right. And yeah, I know that goes beyond any technical understanding or reasoning that I could apply to this. But I suddenly believe that.
As we got past the ActiveX controls, which amazingly installed correctly, she got to the point where she was able to set up her username and password. She was comfortable with that. I just gave her one fair warning: that the password must contain a number. Her response: "That's fine. My usual password's a bible verse."
I just felt myself calming down over this.
So I just let her know that I'd let her go, and thanked her for calling Verizon. And she told me, "Thanks for being so personable and patient. And God bless."
I couldn't get her off the call fast enough, as I was just breaking up.
I had to take another break to collect myself and get myself together. But this call was meant for me. Truly. I needed that one.
Every call that's made me bang my head against the wall, made me scream, and made me want to quit just seem meaningless now. Just because someone actually made me feel better while I was working. I had never felt that well after a call. She truly broke open a sense of peace at this job that I really needed. And I'm going to cherish that from here on in.
Maybe now I can start acting more Godly at work. Maybe now I won't feel miserable now.
I can't divulge names of my customers, due to our security policy. But I'll always remember her name. And if she ever reads this (I'm sure she won't, but if she does, she'll know who she is): Thanks. And God bless you.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Monday, May 01, 2006
another bonk
After watching variance rip me a new hole on Full Contact, I've decided to a game I could once play decently: Razz. Thus, it's about time for a deposit to Full Tilt.
It had been a minute or two (more like since November) since I played Razz. And lo, FTP has started running Razz Freerolls nightly. I am so there.
Simply put, the level of play there is simply donkalicious. I watched players at 400/800 fold to a 28 All-In bet in a 3000 pot. RIDICULOUS!
But anyway, 589 entered, 18 cashed. In normal circumstances (like a buy-in event), the payout would've been around 50 cashed. I played pretty solid, and made some great moves.
Unfortunately, the time caught up with me, as I grew more tired and careless, and I finished 54th.
I made the top 10% again. Which is not a bad place to be. It also reminded me that I can play Razz still. It took a level or two to get my feet back under me. It had been forever since I played a Stud-based game period.
But once I got going, I was counting the cards again, and running smart plays on my opponents, and saving myself bets in tricky situations. I only had one incredibly bad beat the entire tournament put on me, which would've been probably avoided had I have bet 5th street like I considered. Unfortunately, 6th street gave my opp. a draw, which she made on 7th to out draw me. I had her the entire way up until 7th.
That was one huge mistake that I'd like to have back, but it wasn't a costly one.
But all-in-all, I feel my comeback to Razz is going to be a lot of fun this time around.
It had been a minute or two (more like since November) since I played Razz. And lo, FTP has started running Razz Freerolls nightly. I am so there.
Simply put, the level of play there is simply donkalicious. I watched players at 400/800 fold to a 28 All-In bet in a 3000 pot. RIDICULOUS!
But anyway, 589 entered, 18 cashed. In normal circumstances (like a buy-in event), the payout would've been around 50 cashed. I played pretty solid, and made some great moves.
Unfortunately, the time caught up with me, as I grew more tired and careless, and I finished 54th.
I made the top 10% again. Which is not a bad place to be. It also reminded me that I can play Razz still. It took a level or two to get my feet back under me. It had been forever since I played a Stud-based game period.
But once I got going, I was counting the cards again, and running smart plays on my opponents, and saving myself bets in tricky situations. I only had one incredibly bad beat the entire tournament put on me, which would've been probably avoided had I have bet 5th street like I considered. Unfortunately, 6th street gave my opp. a draw, which she made on 7th to out draw me. I had her the entire way up until 7th.
That was one huge mistake that I'd like to have back, but it wasn't a costly one.
But all-in-all, I feel my comeback to Razz is going to be a lot of fun this time around.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Podcasting n00b
Yeah, this is a reminder of how absolutely dumb I can be.
Everyone on FCP has been raving about CardPlayer's The Circuit. And considering Mike Matusow AND Phil Hellmuth was going to be on tonight, it's a good time to start listening. So I navigated over to CardPlayer, and saw a link saying "Podcast" on their site. As you would too. Naturally, this is what I think I need to get into iTunes. So I click on it, and Firefox says, "This protocol is not assigned to any program."
Ok, I'll just go into Firefox's options and set that up. Not going to happen. There is NO option in Firefox to set this up. So now, I'm modifying the registry to get Firefox to open up that protocol in iTunes. Should work right.
...sometimes I wonder why I love technology.
After the hour spent figuring that out, it still doesn't work. So I'm on my way to calling Apple, except...support is closed. WTF?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! NON-24 HOUR SUPPORT FOR AN INTERNATION COMPANY?!?!?!
Holy jeez. I'm seriously flipping out. Googling like crazy, and I still can't find the answer.
Until I did the following:
1) I opened iTunes
2) I went to iTunes Store
3) I search for The Circuit
4) I subscribed to The Circuit through the iTunes Store for free
Wow, I hate myself. I feel dumb.
Everyone on FCP has been raving about CardPlayer's The Circuit. And considering Mike Matusow AND Phil Hellmuth was going to be on tonight, it's a good time to start listening. So I navigated over to CardPlayer, and saw a link saying "Podcast" on their site. As you would too. Naturally, this is what I think I need to get into iTunes. So I click on it, and Firefox says, "This protocol is not assigned to any program."
Ok, I'll just go into Firefox's options and set that up. Not going to happen. There is NO option in Firefox to set this up. So now, I'm modifying the registry to get Firefox to open up that protocol in iTunes. Should work right.
...sometimes I wonder why I love technology.
After the hour spent figuring that out, it still doesn't work. So I'm on my way to calling Apple, except...support is closed. WTF?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?! NON-24 HOUR SUPPORT FOR AN INTERNATION COMPANY?!?!?!
Holy jeez. I'm seriously flipping out. Googling like crazy, and I still can't find the answer.
Until I did the following:
1) I opened iTunes
2) I went to iTunes Store
3) I search for The Circuit
4) I subscribed to The Circuit through the iTunes Store for free
Wow, I hate myself. I feel dumb.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Personality test
| Advanced Global Personality Test Results
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personality tests by similarminds.com
Monday, April 03, 2006
Back to shorthanded limit
Ok, so I had pretty much decided two weeks ago to put a deposit down at FullContactPoker. I just wanted to start playing again, with no real goals in mind except for playing my best and learning from my mistakes. Those should've been the goals from the beginning, but at least I learned from that one.
But until my deposit to Neteller cleared (couldn't get them to accept my debit card, and I wasn't paying the fees on InstaCASH), I was playing around with the free money I got on Noble. I started out playing my usual game on the Ongame network (which FCP is a part of), .25/.50 Limit Hold'Em. Only, they don't have the tables I'm used to, so I settled for 6-handed tables. And I couldn't beat it! I couldn't fully understand the reason, but I'm apt to believe that it was the fact that this was a 6-handed table. It could also be variance at those tables, but who knows?
I wound up taking my money, and started playing heads-up SNG's on Noble. I got a pretty decent winrate off of them, but still am breaking almost even on Noble. Which I find hilarious.
Today, my deposit finally cleared, so I made my deposit of $50 on FCP, and went back to what is the norm for me: $.25/$.50 3-handed LHE. I so love the create table feature on the site. It's what sets them apart from other networks.
But even still, after my experience on Noble, I was kind of worried that I'd let my game sit enough that I was slipping, and should move down to .15/.30. I stood firm, and just before I sat in at my table, prayed that my game would still be where it was in January when I was regularly killing these tables.
And my prayer was answered. I only played one hour, I'm no longer conditioned to handle longer sessions yet. But in that hour, my account (that had 0.78 left in it after a hidden fiasco I had in February playing with Negreanu in a Pot Limit Omaha SNG w/rebuys) had moved to a total of $71.18 in it. So in one hour, I had made a profit of $20.40 altogether. And once again, was just absolutely killing the game, and (if my memory serves correctly) only one person left with a profit on the table other than myself, and that person nitted after turning quad sevens to double up.
My reads are getting back on track. Of course there were several misreads on my part, but I was not at all upset with how my reads were going. I was 60% locked in on one opponent, who was there for most of my session. I had it pretty much down to an art when he was bluffing the pots to pick up on it and take down the pot.
All-in-all, I'm very happy with this. And very happy to be back playing my a-game.
But until my deposit to Neteller cleared (couldn't get them to accept my debit card, and I wasn't paying the fees on InstaCASH), I was playing around with the free money I got on Noble. I started out playing my usual game on the Ongame network (which FCP is a part of), .25/.50 Limit Hold'Em. Only, they don't have the tables I'm used to, so I settled for 6-handed tables. And I couldn't beat it! I couldn't fully understand the reason, but I'm apt to believe that it was the fact that this was a 6-handed table. It could also be variance at those tables, but who knows?
I wound up taking my money, and started playing heads-up SNG's on Noble. I got a pretty decent winrate off of them, but still am breaking almost even on Noble. Which I find hilarious.
Today, my deposit finally cleared, so I made my deposit of $50 on FCP, and went back to what is the norm for me: $.25/$.50 3-handed LHE. I so love the create table feature on the site. It's what sets them apart from other networks.
But even still, after my experience on Noble, I was kind of worried that I'd let my game sit enough that I was slipping, and should move down to .15/.30. I stood firm, and just before I sat in at my table, prayed that my game would still be where it was in January when I was regularly killing these tables.
And my prayer was answered. I only played one hour, I'm no longer conditioned to handle longer sessions yet. But in that hour, my account (that had 0.78 left in it after a hidden fiasco I had in February playing with Negreanu in a Pot Limit Omaha SNG w/rebuys) had moved to a total of $71.18 in it. So in one hour, I had made a profit of $20.40 altogether. And once again, was just absolutely killing the game, and (if my memory serves correctly) only one person left with a profit on the table other than myself, and that person nitted after turning quad sevens to double up.
My reads are getting back on track. Of course there were several misreads on my part, but I was not at all upset with how my reads were going. I was 60% locked in on one opponent, who was there for most of my session. I had it pretty much down to an art when he was bluffing the pots to pick up on it and take down the pot.
All-in-all, I'm very happy with this. And very happy to be back playing my a-game.
Attention: Indianapolis
*steps up to the podium*
STOP WHINING ABOUT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!
Seriously. This has been the topic of conversation all week. Everyone who has seemingly never left here is complaining.
I don't see what the big deal is, seriously. I mean, it could be that I lived in Illinois for 21 years, and had to do it every year. But...no. Indy people are just whining over nothing. It's a change, deal with it.
Yeah, I could understand where not changing your time would be a good thing. I went through un-daylight savings time up here last year, and fell right into it. But the entire United States is not going to change its ways just because Indiana doesn't want to. It hasn't changed its ways over this for a long time, even though most places in the world doesn't do it. Why would it change now?
But I guess what I couldn't stand the most was the people who had no clue what this meant, and how it was going to happen.
Like at work Friday night, it was after Midnight (so yeah, it was in all intents and purposes, Saturday), and this lady is just watching her cell phone clock.
I ask her, "Waiting for clock-out?"
She says, "No, I'm waiting for the time to change. It's supposed to change at 1:59 to 3."
Me: No, not now. It's supposed to change Saturday.
Her: But it is Saturday.
Me: Yeah, but you're not following right. I mean Saturday night.
Her: But it is Saturday.
Me: What I'm meaning is Saturday night. After midnight, which would be technically Sunday.
Her: No! It's supposed to change on Saturday!
Me: Listen to me! I lived in Illinois for 21 years of my life! I know how this works! It will change on SA-TUR-DAY NIIIIIIGHT!
Her: But it is Saturday, right?
Me: ....yes.
So I just let her keep watching the cell phone. And watching. Then 1:59 switched to 2. And she looked up from her cell phone, pissed.
Her: It didn't F***in change! That's all bulls***, they be lying!
Me: I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen.
And I clocked out.
And I bet on Sunday, she woke up with all her clocks running on Central Time, completely torn up over the fact that DST got ruined for her.
STOP WHINING ABOUT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!
Seriously. This has been the topic of conversation all week. Everyone who has seemingly never left here is complaining.
I don't see what the big deal is, seriously. I mean, it could be that I lived in Illinois for 21 years, and had to do it every year. But...no. Indy people are just whining over nothing. It's a change, deal with it.
Yeah, I could understand where not changing your time would be a good thing. I went through un-daylight savings time up here last year, and fell right into it. But the entire United States is not going to change its ways just because Indiana doesn't want to. It hasn't changed its ways over this for a long time, even though most places in the world doesn't do it. Why would it change now?
But I guess what I couldn't stand the most was the people who had no clue what this meant, and how it was going to happen.
Like at work Friday night, it was after Midnight (so yeah, it was in all intents and purposes, Saturday), and this lady is just watching her cell phone clock.
I ask her, "Waiting for clock-out?"
She says, "No, I'm waiting for the time to change. It's supposed to change at 1:59 to 3."
Me: No, not now. It's supposed to change Saturday.
Her: But it is Saturday.
Me: Yeah, but you're not following right. I mean Saturday night.
Her: But it is Saturday.
Me: What I'm meaning is Saturday night. After midnight, which would be technically Sunday.
Her: No! It's supposed to change on Saturday!
Me: Listen to me! I lived in Illinois for 21 years of my life! I know how this works! It will change on SA-TUR-DAY NIIIIIIGHT!
Her: But it is Saturday, right?
Me: ....yes.
So I just let her keep watching the cell phone. And watching. Then 1:59 switched to 2. And she looked up from her cell phone, pissed.
Her: It didn't F***in change! That's all bulls***, they be lying!
Me: I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen.
And I clocked out.
And I bet on Sunday, she woke up with all her clocks running on Central Time, completely torn up over the fact that DST got ruined for her.
Monday, March 20, 2006
back to the tables
Reading through my e-mails, I decided to take a look at my e-mails labeled "Poker" (I set my Gmail up to filter my e-mails, go ahead and archive any poker e-mails and label them as such). I found that Noble Poker gave me some bonus money to screw around with.
Yeah, perfect.
So I sit for about 1 1/2 hours in .10/.20 LHE, and play good (6-handed, as always, I love them shorthanded tables), and wind up ahead $11.
So, just shortly after that, I enter a $5.50 1000 Guaranteed tournament. A little short of $200, and I do so-so. I was up and down before the first break, but wound up doubling up and getting to a healthy $4000 stack at the break.
Unfortunately, this is Noble we're talking about. Their structure does not provide for deep play after the first break, as even on an average stack, I'm about 10 minutes away from having bad M, with the blinds 100/200 and soon to increase to 200/400.
Near the end of the first level after the break, I raise on the button with AJo, with the Ace of diamonds, making it 600, and the BB calls.
Flop comes QJ9, with the QJ of diamonds. He checks, and I bet, making it 700. He calls, announcing he has top set. Bogus. And I know it.
Turn comes the K of diamonds, giving me the royal flush draw. He instantly moves in on me. Now I'm positive that if I make any of my draws, I've got the hand on lock. Plus, the way this hand has played out, it's hard to believe that he played this hand any way except to steal the hand from me, so my 3rd pair may be good. So I call.
He turns up AT for the nut straight...yikes! Not at all what I expected. So I'm needing a diamond to win, or a ten to chop. Blank on the river, and I'm crippled.
I'm all-in later in the big-blind with 10-3, and don't improve and it's over.
So it's been humdrum in the games today.
Yeah, perfect.
So I sit for about 1 1/2 hours in .10/.20 LHE, and play good (6-handed, as always, I love them shorthanded tables), and wind up ahead $11.
So, just shortly after that, I enter a $5.50 1000 Guaranteed tournament. A little short of $200, and I do so-so. I was up and down before the first break, but wound up doubling up and getting to a healthy $4000 stack at the break.
Unfortunately, this is Noble we're talking about. Their structure does not provide for deep play after the first break, as even on an average stack, I'm about 10 minutes away from having bad M, with the blinds 100/200 and soon to increase to 200/400.
Near the end of the first level after the break, I raise on the button with AJo, with the Ace of diamonds, making it 600, and the BB calls.
Flop comes QJ9, with the QJ of diamonds. He checks, and I bet, making it 700. He calls, announcing he has top set. Bogus. And I know it.
Turn comes the K of diamonds, giving me the royal flush draw. He instantly moves in on me. Now I'm positive that if I make any of my draws, I've got the hand on lock. Plus, the way this hand has played out, it's hard to believe that he played this hand any way except to steal the hand from me, so my 3rd pair may be good. So I call.
He turns up AT for the nut straight...yikes! Not at all what I expected. So I'm needing a diamond to win, or a ten to chop. Blank on the river, and I'm crippled.
I'm all-in later in the big-blind with 10-3, and don't improve and it's over.
So it's been humdrum in the games today.
Friday, March 17, 2006
The tank & my bass
Sorry it's been a while since I posted. Work's been exhausting me, I haven't really had a whole lot of energy to do much else.
Yeah, so I got out of training officially Friday...with a 96% average in the class (highest in the class). And this week is our time taking calls in the training bay (aka "the tank.")
90% of people told us that tank was Hell. 10% of people told us it was no sweat. Let's see, which odds are you going to bet on?
So needless to say, I had mixed emotions about going in there. I thought I knew enough, I'm a decent multitasker, so I'm not scared of messing up on the tools. Of course, what you aren't prepared for is people screaming in your ear because the internet's broke.
That was the part that scared me. I can handle stress and all that, but one thing I've never handled well was arguments. Even if it's one sided, someone yelling and blaming their entire life on you because they can't get online is still an argument. I was afraid of how I'd react, whether I'd get emotional over it, you know the drill.
So I've been praying all this week for the strength to handle this situation well, and in best case scenario, I won't have to deal with any (even though I'd rather get it over with in tank, so that way a supervisor's on hand to keep me calm).
So far, no angry customers. Only slightly peeved, but hey, it happens.
On the first day, I was just flustered for most of it, and had horrendous handle times...as expected.
Over Tues., Wed., and today, I have just been knocking it out of the box! I'm really getting the hang of this, and really starting to keep my call times low, and get resolutions on their issues done.
And in all truth, I'm enjoying it. I get to mess around with people's systems, it's pretty easy, and I can just pace around taking calls, and running over to my computer to type notes as needed. There's enough challenges to keep me interested, but enough reptitiveness that I don't have to frustrate myself.
Customer's reactions have been good too. People have given me mad compliments over my performance, and several people in my training class have basically jockeyed for position to get seats next to me in tank because they believe I know everything about what the job entails (think again).
So come Tuesday, I start my regular schedule, fully on the call floor. This should be interesting.
And on Tuesday, I got my six string bass. I freaking love this thing! I haven't played with it as much as I want, but comes this weekend...man, it's on. I'll also have pictures, and maybe even a video of me playing it up too.
Until then...
Yeah, so I got out of training officially Friday...with a 96% average in the class (highest in the class). And this week is our time taking calls in the training bay (aka "the tank.")
90% of people told us that tank was Hell. 10% of people told us it was no sweat. Let's see, which odds are you going to bet on?
So needless to say, I had mixed emotions about going in there. I thought I knew enough, I'm a decent multitasker, so I'm not scared of messing up on the tools. Of course, what you aren't prepared for is people screaming in your ear because the internet's broke.
That was the part that scared me. I can handle stress and all that, but one thing I've never handled well was arguments. Even if it's one sided, someone yelling and blaming their entire life on you because they can't get online is still an argument. I was afraid of how I'd react, whether I'd get emotional over it, you know the drill.
So I've been praying all this week for the strength to handle this situation well, and in best case scenario, I won't have to deal with any (even though I'd rather get it over with in tank, so that way a supervisor's on hand to keep me calm).
So far, no angry customers. Only slightly peeved, but hey, it happens.
On the first day, I was just flustered for most of it, and had horrendous handle times...as expected.
Over Tues., Wed., and today, I have just been knocking it out of the box! I'm really getting the hang of this, and really starting to keep my call times low, and get resolutions on their issues done.
And in all truth, I'm enjoying it. I get to mess around with people's systems, it's pretty easy, and I can just pace around taking calls, and running over to my computer to type notes as needed. There's enough challenges to keep me interested, but enough reptitiveness that I don't have to frustrate myself.
Customer's reactions have been good too. People have given me mad compliments over my performance, and several people in my training class have basically jockeyed for position to get seats next to me in tank because they believe I know everything about what the job entails (think again).
So come Tuesday, I start my regular schedule, fully on the call floor. This should be interesting.
And on Tuesday, I got my six string bass. I freaking love this thing! I haven't played with it as much as I want, but comes this weekend...man, it's on. I'll also have pictures, and maybe even a video of me playing it up too.
Until then...
Friday, March 10, 2006
First paycheck...
And so starts the fun of the first paycheck. Now, I'm being responsible...and I definitely gotta watch myself, since I got myself in big trouble just writing checks, so have a debit card could kill me.
But so far so good. Today, got my check cashed, then I went to Old Navy to replace a pair of pants that got huge holes worn in them from the washer within 3 weeks! Well, that was no sweat. Then, on to get some food. That was all good, then Jake took me to this half-price bookstore in Castlteton, which sells used movies, books, games, cds, whatever.
Yeah, just point me to the CD section. And I picked that place clean. But, I only wound up with 3 CDs:
-Newsboys: Going Public
-Justifide: The Beauty of the Unknown
-Songs From the Penalty Box vol. 4
Now, Penalty Box wasn't my original intended purchase, that was:
-OC Supertones: The Adventures of the OC Supertones
Unfortunately, I got a glimpse of the bottom of the CD...it was so mangled up...wow. Yeah, that went back in a heartbeat, to which I found Penalty Box, and had the lot rang up:
The total damage: $6. Now how pimp is that?
Then, to Best Buy just to look around.
Then to work.
As soon as I got home, I placed my order for my bass. So that should be arriving in 2-5 days. There's always an air of excitement when your new instrument is on its way. It's absolutely incredible. You just sit until that truck arrives with that instrument, and you don't care what was on the docket for the day...screw that, and strap that sucker on.
That reminds me, I need to buy a strap for it.
But so far so good. Today, got my check cashed, then I went to Old Navy to replace a pair of pants that got huge holes worn in them from the washer within 3 weeks! Well, that was no sweat. Then, on to get some food. That was all good, then Jake took me to this half-price bookstore in Castlteton, which sells used movies, books, games, cds, whatever.
Yeah, just point me to the CD section. And I picked that place clean. But, I only wound up with 3 CDs:
-Newsboys: Going Public
-Justifide: The Beauty of the Unknown
-Songs From the Penalty Box vol. 4
Now, Penalty Box wasn't my original intended purchase, that was:
-OC Supertones: The Adventures of the OC Supertones
Unfortunately, I got a glimpse of the bottom of the CD...it was so mangled up...wow. Yeah, that went back in a heartbeat, to which I found Penalty Box, and had the lot rang up:
The total damage: $6. Now how pimp is that?
Then, to Best Buy just to look around.
Then to work.
As soon as I got home, I placed my order for my bass. So that should be arriving in 2-5 days. There's always an air of excitement when your new instrument is on its way. It's absolutely incredible. You just sit until that truck arrives with that instrument, and you don't care what was on the docket for the day...screw that, and strap that sucker on.
That reminds me, I need to buy a strap for it.
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Man I can call them?
So, today not only has Hyunsil told me that she won't be able to come this summer (which, as you know from reading my stupid blog, I predicted), but has also gotten back with her stupid stoner boyfriend (which, I hadn't muttered aloud, but had pretty much guessed it would happen).
And surprisingly, I'm not shocked or pissed about any of this. Nor am I let down. Quite frankly, I gave up on caring and hanging on everything she says or does two weeks ago. And I haven't went back. I don't see this fully killing our friendship, but it could. Right now, I just feel like putting her on my block list right now, just because I don't want to hear anymore right now. I'd end up taking her off soon...but I just don't want to hear from her right now.
The good thing is that I'm through this. I was through this before I even really knew there was something to get through.
I'm smart. I've realized that it's her own mistake, not mine. Maybe I could've cared a little less and saved myself some hurt, but that's just not the kind of person I am.
Whatever, I just see about a 2.5% probability that we would ever get together. And that's ok with me. There will be something better.
So today, I get to go get my paycheck, and tonight, I put in the order for my bass. I'm psyched about playing that thing...and showing it off.
I'll post pics of it in my hands...most likely on my Myspace (link's on the right side of the page).
Also, yeah, I felt stupid maintaining 3 blogs, so I condensed them all. Once again, my attempt to combat multi-blogging.
And surprisingly, I'm not shocked or pissed about any of this. Nor am I let down. Quite frankly, I gave up on caring and hanging on everything she says or does two weeks ago. And I haven't went back. I don't see this fully killing our friendship, but it could. Right now, I just feel like putting her on my block list right now, just because I don't want to hear anymore right now. I'd end up taking her off soon...but I just don't want to hear from her right now.
The good thing is that I'm through this. I was through this before I even really knew there was something to get through.
I'm smart. I've realized that it's her own mistake, not mine. Maybe I could've cared a little less and saved myself some hurt, but that's just not the kind of person I am.
Whatever, I just see about a 2.5% probability that we would ever get together. And that's ok with me. There will be something better.
So today, I get to go get my paycheck, and tonight, I put in the order for my bass. I'm psyched about playing that thing...and showing it off.
I'll post pics of it in my hands...most likely on my Myspace (link's on the right side of the page).
Also, yeah, I felt stupid maintaining 3 blogs, so I condensed them all. Once again, my attempt to combat multi-blogging.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
I can take a joke but...
Oh, come on this has gotta be the lowest low I've ever seen in advertising.
MTV2 (& probably even MTV) are now showing new advertising for Wonder Showzen. I had already deemed this show the end of TV...period. The show is probably the worst show ever. By that, I mean, blind people would be giving their TV's the finger over it. Honestly, I have taken dumps that resemble better Television programming than Wonder Showzen.
But just when I think this show can't stoop any farther down, here comes the advertising for their new season.
They start off with a home video someone, then start out in one of those anti-drunk driving campaign commercial...where they say "this person was killed by a drunk driver, on Friday, March 31st...
"the same night as WONDER SHOWZEN!" And all of a sudden it goes into this giddy stoner comedy.
ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC! HONESTLY! How in the world has this not been pulled off the air yet?
Seriously, someone should've actually had figured out that this was crossing the line. But oh wait, I forgot, this is MTV we're talking about.
Honestly, whoever made this commercial: I doubt you'd see the sick twisted comedy in this spot if someone YOU cared about was killed by a drunk driver. If you did, you need to be shot.
I hope to God I'm not the only one who feels this way.
MTV2 (& probably even MTV) are now showing new advertising for Wonder Showzen. I had already deemed this show the end of TV...period. The show is probably the worst show ever. By that, I mean, blind people would be giving their TV's the finger over it. Honestly, I have taken dumps that resemble better Television programming than Wonder Showzen.
But just when I think this show can't stoop any farther down, here comes the advertising for their new season.
They start off with a home video someone, then start out in one of those anti-drunk driving campaign commercial...where they say "this person was killed by a drunk driver, on Friday, March 31st...
"the same night as WONDER SHOWZEN!" And all of a sudden it goes into this giddy stoner comedy.
ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC! HONESTLY! How in the world has this not been pulled off the air yet?
Seriously, someone should've actually had figured out that this was crossing the line. But oh wait, I forgot, this is MTV we're talking about.
Honestly, whoever made this commercial: I doubt you'd see the sick twisted comedy in this spot if someone YOU cared about was killed by a drunk driver. If you did, you need to be shot.
I hope to God I'm not the only one who feels this way.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
I should be a negotiator
Seriously, I feel clever as of right now.
So here's the thing, my trip to Korea in April is just not going happen. Just simply put, not going happen. I'll now explain what the crap is going on:
Well, as several people now know, I got employed by CallTech, a company that handles telecommunications for companies. In short, I'm tech support now.
Now, that's all good, but that still was going to put me on a very tight budget on my trip. I really needed a second job.
In January, Meijer called me, and after looking over my application, they wanted to interview me. Well, I went in, and all they did was have me sign a background check form. That's all I heard. I wound up calling back soon after, and the department that wanted me had its funding cut, and therefore my application was put back at the top of the pile.
Again, that's all I hear.
I kid you not, THE Friday of the week I got on with Calltech, I was getting ready to leave, and got a phone call from Meijer wanted me for a job as a stockboy on their morning shift. Since I work nights at Calltech, that sounds great. I'm gonna be hurting for sleep until the weekend, but whatever.
That night, after I got home from work, I call Hyunsil to lay on the good news. And man, is she happy. She gushed over this info for quite a lot of the phone call. And...so was I. It was big news. I was finally going to get to go to Korea to see her.
Saturday. I'm online at about 9PM, and she jumps online, and tells me she's filling out her visa application to come over here to visit (forgot to say this, and it's important: she told me on the phone Friday night that she wants to come here in July). Well, that's dandy! Then comes the shocker. "My place may be too small, I don't know if you can come in April....blah blah blah...I'm going to go meet some friends, I have to go."
WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Seriously, she has known about this place for one month. And all last night, she was ecstatic about me coming. Now she's not so sure that I can come?
Well, working two jobs, I'm going to be safe on money. So I write her off an e-mail later saying, "Look, if you still want me to come in April, I should have enough money to stay in a hotel if I have to. Just let me know."
MONDAY: I get home from work, and she's online. So we start talking, she asks me how work was, then hits me with this: "You can't come in April. My place is definitely too small. All my friends agree. Call me Saturday afternoon (her time, not mine)."
Now granted, I'm talking too, but WHAT IN THE WORLD?! In 72 hours, she's gone from not being able to wait for me to be there, to now she doesn't want me to come? This makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.
So I had of course chalked this up into the whatever file and put it away, moved on, and just thought, "whatever happens, happens." I also quit Meijer, because, quite frankly, what's the point? If I'm not going to get to go to Korea, which was the reason I needed that job in the first place, why should I exhaust myself at both these jobs?
So then last night I write up that blog about the bass to cheer me up (which, considering I'm not going in April, is going to be purchased). Also that night, I was talking to a friend, who has heard the whole scenario since the beginning of last summer, and told her the entire thing. And she couldn't make any sense out of, either. Thank God I wasn't the only one.
But I said this to her, and this is very memorable: "I guarantee you, she'll have changed her mind when I call her."
I shut down my computer and go to bed. I wake up to find that she didn't even wait until Saturday to tell me so.
I log into my Gmail, and there sits an e-mail from her, telling me to come in April, only a shorter period of time, and I'm staying somewhere else, like a motel or something. Where have I heard this before?
NOW I'm frustrated! This is worse than Ross Perot's 1992 Presidential Campaign! So I'm frustrated, and my mind thinks up all these messed up scenarios like:
1. What if I book the ticket, and then the week before I'm supposed to get there, she cancels again, and I'm now stuck with a worthless $1200 ticket?
2. What if I make it there, and she never shows up to pick me up from the airport, and I'm then stuck in a country where I know very little of the language, know really no one other than her, and am just miserable the whole trip because what I've waited for 5 years for got flushed down the toilet?
3. What if she just wants me there to see "what it's like to be with a white guy," and then shafts me afterward? (Yes, my mind thinks this stuff up, and other people say "this is a valid reasoning.")
Oh, but don't worry. I wasn't planning on actually doing it. I mean, come on, man! First off, I had already said it would be a pinch if I was going on just one job's salary STAYING WITH HER. So there's no possible way I could book even a cheapo motel for 15 days.
But, I'm supposed to call her Saturday. I told her I would. So at midnight here, I pick up the phone and call, knowing it'd be around 2PM there. First thing out of her mouth was, "Did you get my e-mail?" I fibbed and said no. So then she explained the whole thing to me. So I dropped the bomb about quitting Meijer.
"Why?"
Um...duh? You told me not to come. What's the point of working two jobs for the sole purpose of guaranteeing I'd be there if I'm not going to, you know, be there?
So then she asks about my passport, which is the money I'm going to be using to buy my bass. So I told her I bought a bass with it. Yeah, still fibbing, but hey, I'm still buying it, so what's the point?
Again, she asks why. So I explain it again. And then I make mention of how confusing she's made it, since sometimes she wants me there, sometimes she doesn't.
So then I asked, "Do you really want me to come?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Well....um, I really want to see you, and try to figure us out."
So then I thought of something. The visa.
So I bring up the fact that as far as I remembered, she was still planning on coming here this summer. Which she confirms. So I bring up a new idea:
She comes here, then after her trip is done, we can go back together. Which she thinks is a wonderful idea.
So thus ends the problem. This is open-ended. Do I, at the present moment, believe that she will seriously come here? No, I don't. Am I prepared to keep up my end of the bargain if she does? Yeah. If she proves this, then yeah, I'm ready to do it.
But right, now, I have no clue what's going on with her. I just know I defused this entire situation.
So here's the thing, my trip to Korea in April is just not going happen. Just simply put, not going happen. I'll now explain what the crap is going on:
Well, as several people now know, I got employed by CallTech, a company that handles telecommunications for companies. In short, I'm tech support now.
Now, that's all good, but that still was going to put me on a very tight budget on my trip. I really needed a second job.
In January, Meijer called me, and after looking over my application, they wanted to interview me. Well, I went in, and all they did was have me sign a background check form. That's all I heard. I wound up calling back soon after, and the department that wanted me had its funding cut, and therefore my application was put back at the top of the pile.
Again, that's all I hear.
I kid you not, THE Friday of the week I got on with Calltech, I was getting ready to leave, and got a phone call from Meijer wanted me for a job as a stockboy on their morning shift. Since I work nights at Calltech, that sounds great. I'm gonna be hurting for sleep until the weekend, but whatever.
That night, after I got home from work, I call Hyunsil to lay on the good news. And man, is she happy. She gushed over this info for quite a lot of the phone call. And...so was I. It was big news. I was finally going to get to go to Korea to see her.
Saturday. I'm online at about 9PM, and she jumps online, and tells me she's filling out her visa application to come over here to visit (forgot to say this, and it's important: she told me on the phone Friday night that she wants to come here in July). Well, that's dandy! Then comes the shocker. "My place may be too small, I don't know if you can come in April....blah blah blah...I'm going to go meet some friends, I have to go."
WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Seriously, she has known about this place for one month. And all last night, she was ecstatic about me coming. Now she's not so sure that I can come?
Well, working two jobs, I'm going to be safe on money. So I write her off an e-mail later saying, "Look, if you still want me to come in April, I should have enough money to stay in a hotel if I have to. Just let me know."
MONDAY: I get home from work, and she's online. So we start talking, she asks me how work was, then hits me with this: "You can't come in April. My place is definitely too small. All my friends agree. Call me Saturday afternoon (her time, not mine)."
Now granted, I'm talking too, but WHAT IN THE WORLD?! In 72 hours, she's gone from not being able to wait for me to be there, to now she doesn't want me to come? This makes absolutely no sense to me whatsoever.
So I had of course chalked this up into the whatever file and put it away, moved on, and just thought, "whatever happens, happens." I also quit Meijer, because, quite frankly, what's the point? If I'm not going to get to go to Korea, which was the reason I needed that job in the first place, why should I exhaust myself at both these jobs?
So then last night I write up that blog about the bass to cheer me up (which, considering I'm not going in April, is going to be purchased). Also that night, I was talking to a friend, who has heard the whole scenario since the beginning of last summer, and told her the entire thing. And she couldn't make any sense out of, either. Thank God I wasn't the only one.
But I said this to her, and this is very memorable: "I guarantee you, she'll have changed her mind when I call her."
I shut down my computer and go to bed. I wake up to find that she didn't even wait until Saturday to tell me so.
I log into my Gmail, and there sits an e-mail from her, telling me to come in April, only a shorter period of time, and I'm staying somewhere else, like a motel or something. Where have I heard this before?
NOW I'm frustrated! This is worse than Ross Perot's 1992 Presidential Campaign! So I'm frustrated, and my mind thinks up all these messed up scenarios like:
1. What if I book the ticket, and then the week before I'm supposed to get there, she cancels again, and I'm now stuck with a worthless $1200 ticket?
2. What if I make it there, and she never shows up to pick me up from the airport, and I'm then stuck in a country where I know very little of the language, know really no one other than her, and am just miserable the whole trip because what I've waited for 5 years for got flushed down the toilet?
3. What if she just wants me there to see "what it's like to be with a white guy," and then shafts me afterward? (Yes, my mind thinks this stuff up, and other people say "this is a valid reasoning.")
Oh, but don't worry. I wasn't planning on actually doing it. I mean, come on, man! First off, I had already said it would be a pinch if I was going on just one job's salary STAYING WITH HER. So there's no possible way I could book even a cheapo motel for 15 days.
But, I'm supposed to call her Saturday. I told her I would. So at midnight here, I pick up the phone and call, knowing it'd be around 2PM there. First thing out of her mouth was, "Did you get my e-mail?" I fibbed and said no. So then she explained the whole thing to me. So I dropped the bomb about quitting Meijer.
"Why?"
Um...duh? You told me not to come. What's the point of working two jobs for the sole purpose of guaranteeing I'd be there if I'm not going to, you know, be there?
So then she asks about my passport, which is the money I'm going to be using to buy my bass. So I told her I bought a bass with it. Yeah, still fibbing, but hey, I'm still buying it, so what's the point?
Again, she asks why. So I explain it again. And then I make mention of how confusing she's made it, since sometimes she wants me there, sometimes she doesn't.
So then I asked, "Do you really want me to come?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"Well....um, I really want to see you, and try to figure us out."
So then I thought of something. The visa.
So I bring up the fact that as far as I remembered, she was still planning on coming here this summer. Which she confirms. So I bring up a new idea:
She comes here, then after her trip is done, we can go back together. Which she thinks is a wonderful idea.
So thus ends the problem. This is open-ended. Do I, at the present moment, believe that she will seriously come here? No, I don't. Am I prepared to keep up my end of the bargain if she does? Yeah. If she proves this, then yeah, I'm ready to do it.
But right, now, I have no clue what's going on with her. I just know I defused this entire situation.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
My big splurge...what to do...
So, I'm no longer going on vacation in April. Yeah, that sucks. Whatever, that's a topic for ANOTHER But, I now have some spare money to pamper myself a little bit and make me feel better about not going. So, my dilemma is now this: What to get.
And for about 4 years, I have been salivating over the thought of playing a 6-string bass (Thank you very much, Tye Zamora of Alien Ant Farm). Of course, I had to build myself up to 5 strings in 2003, and then instantly, I began to desire the 6-string even more.
I also have history with Rogue basses. A good one, actually. Some say they're cheap, but I have enjoyed my Rogue basses. I've had two of their 5-strings, one I sent back because the nut broke on it, and it was under warranty. The one I got back was its replacement. And I love it.
So, when you see a 6-string bass from Rogue for $200, you kind of just stand up and take notice. I sure have. Plus, reviews from Musician's Friend have been good.
So now, this bass just taunts me. BUY ME! BUY ME! I so want to. Tell me what you think guys (Click the pictures to see larger images, all images courtesy of Musician's Friend):
Don't those pictures make you as happy as me? Come on! Active Jazz pickups, 4-channel EQ knobs, string-thru body...just wow. And this is about the one out of only two times where I've really wanted a guitar with a natural finish (the other time was a Warwick, so that's definitely understandable, although completely currently out of my price range).
If you want to read reviews, and more about this pretty little thing, go here.
And for about 4 years, I have been salivating over the thought of playing a 6-string bass (Thank you very much, Tye Zamora of Alien Ant Farm). Of course, I had to build myself up to 5 strings in 2003, and then instantly, I began to desire the 6-string even more.
I also have history with Rogue basses. A good one, actually. Some say they're cheap, but I have enjoyed my Rogue basses. I've had two of their 5-strings, one I sent back because the nut broke on it, and it was under warranty. The one I got back was its replacement. And I love it.
So, when you see a 6-string bass from Rogue for $200, you kind of just stand up and take notice. I sure have. Plus, reviews from Musician's Friend have been good.
So now, this bass just taunts me. BUY ME! BUY ME! I so want to. Tell me what you think guys (Click the pictures to see larger images, all images courtesy of Musician's Friend):
Don't those pictures make you as happy as me? Come on! Active Jazz pickups, 4-channel EQ knobs, string-thru body...just wow. And this is about the one out of only two times where I've really wanted a guitar with a natural finish (the other time was a Warwick, so that's definitely understandable, although completely currently out of my price range).
If you want to read reviews, and more about this pretty little thing, go here.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
"I'm So Overwhelmed Doing Nothing"
I haven't shared this story, but good God, what are people thinking?
So my mom's psych unit she works for has no full time doctors right now. They can't fill the positions. So they have this part time doctor. I mean, Mom says she's competent and knows her stuff. BUT...she REFUSES to admit anybody. Why? She "feels overwhelmed."
Now, let me give you guys a little background information. This unit is a 28 bed unit. There is also a 28 bed geriatric psych unit too. The latter is where my mom usually works. There's on average, about 15 to each side.
Because Dr. Douche "feels overwhelmed," they have had to close the geriatric unit. Which, usually means Mom just get bumped to the adult side.
On Sunday, the patient count was 9, with two being discarged Monday. When it gets this low, people are called off for low census...without pay. My mom was called off Monday for low census. The patient count was 7. Mom was supposed to work tonight, and got called off AGAIN for low census. The patient count is now 5. On a 56 psych ward, you can only have 5 patients, because a Dr. "feels overwhelmed?" WTF IS THAT?!?!?!?!
A monkey in a straightjacket could handle this better.
I'm betting $20 tomorrow that the patient count is 3. I'm also laying $50 on the table that me and this Dr. (I made sure to ask Mom her name) have a little phone conversation tomorrow. Any takers?
$100 prop bet that I call hospital administration after this.
Seriously, my mom is only sustaining herself and two cats (half the strain without me), and can't even make ends meet over this! She needs to eat too!
So my mom's psych unit she works for has no full time doctors right now. They can't fill the positions. So they have this part time doctor. I mean, Mom says she's competent and knows her stuff. BUT...she REFUSES to admit anybody. Why? She "feels overwhelmed."
Now, let me give you guys a little background information. This unit is a 28 bed unit. There is also a 28 bed geriatric psych unit too. The latter is where my mom usually works. There's on average, about 15 to each side.
Because Dr. Douche "feels overwhelmed," they have had to close the geriatric unit. Which, usually means Mom just get bumped to the adult side.
On Sunday, the patient count was 9, with two being discarged Monday. When it gets this low, people are called off for low census...without pay. My mom was called off Monday for low census. The patient count was 7. Mom was supposed to work tonight, and got called off AGAIN for low census. The patient count is now 5. On a 56 psych ward, you can only have 5 patients, because a Dr. "feels overwhelmed?" WTF IS THAT?!?!?!?!
A monkey in a straightjacket could handle this better.
I'm betting $20 tomorrow that the patient count is 3. I'm also laying $50 on the table that me and this Dr. (I made sure to ask Mom her name) have a little phone conversation tomorrow. Any takers?
$100 prop bet that I call hospital administration after this.
Seriously, my mom is only sustaining herself and two cats (half the strain without me), and can't even make ends meet over this! She needs to eat too!
More lame stuff out of boredom
| Your Personality Is |
You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas. You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy! Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people. In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally. You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought. Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals. In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent. At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia. With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well. As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly. On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things. |
| What Your Sleeping Position Says |
You have a passion for everything - including sleeping. Outgoing and brash, you tend to still shock those who know you well. You tend to be selfish. You are the most likely type to hog the covers. You gravitate toward comfort and don't like extreme situations. |
I promise a real blog will be up later!
Friday, February 03, 2006
My Megablog - The Explanation of What's Been Happening
So finally, I get a chance to give you a more descript rundown of what has been happening in my life lately. Sorry it took so long, but you have no clue yet how crazy my life has been as of late.
This is a uber-long blog, so please be patient, because you're going to have to read a lot of stuff!
Now, to do this, I guess I will have to go back in time to fill you in. And this involves me being absolutely honest with something I haven't been 100% about with a few people. So yeah, consider this me bearing it all. I know, you're probably thinking, "Jeez dude! I don't want a history lesson! Just give me the here and now!" Trust me, in order to know my reasoning for a lot of things that have been happening (including the reason why I quit playing poker), you NEED to know the full story.
This all started just about 5 years back, in April of 2001. On April 7th of that year, what I thought was the worst thing to happen to me happened. And this sounds absolutely stupid. My mom's 3-week old Saturn L300 car was rear-ended outside of a department store by some guy who wasn't paying attention to the road. I was hurting, and needless to say, the entire trunk of the car was in bad shape. They rushed me to the emergency room, and did some X-Rays. Turns out I just had whiplash, so it wasn't awful. But I had to wear a cervical collar, and had to limit my activity.
So, I was unable to finish my weightlifting classes. And my weekly activities of going out to a club to chill with my friends ground to a halt because of this. So, needless to say, I was bummed. All my activities were cut off, and I was feeling like this was the worst thing to happen to me. Little did I know that this would be quite the opposite in the long run.
Being unable to do much, I turned to my new computer. I had always been a computer nerd to begin with. Circumstances made me more so. I began spending my time, other than the time I spent obsessively playing my new PS2 and scoping out bonus features on my DVDs (God, I remember when that was such a novelty), chatting with my buddies I couldn't spend much time with due to my injury, downloading music (Yeah, old school Napster junk...my how times have changed), and surfing the internet. My little cousin would come over occasionally (and sometimes would have to get off the bus at my house), and we'd make stupid little home movies to entertain ourselves. But I digress on that part, that's a topic for another blog. It was the surfing the 'Net that was the biggest thing of this time.
On Saturday, April 14th, instead of going to the club as I usually would, I wound up surfing the 'Net (why do I keep beating the dead horse?). I wandered randomly onto a Penpal site that I had an account on, just hadn't put it to use at all. Well, I had a long time ago, but got zero serious responses (as in, those that responded e-mailed me once, but never responded to my replies, or I just couldn't connect with them in any way). But I was bored, and my regular plans were blown due to some idiot on a cell phone in a Ford F350. So I decided I'd pop into this site, and just look around, and see if there was anyone I might want to talk to. That's when I found her.
Her, being Hyunsil. She was just this girl from South Korea. Her's was probably the 5th or 6th profile I had read that night. And she seemed interesting. And she looked pretty from her picture. But, I figured I had no chance. That she would probably never respond to my e-mails. I swore to God that it was pointless to even try to e-mail her. I did anyway.
I don't even know why. Usually, when I get these hairs that I have no hope in a situation, I just give up, or never even attempt anything at all. But, I just decided I'd give it a shot. She's halfway around the world; if I never get anything back from her, I'll never have to see her at all to remind myself of my failure. So, why not?
I just sent a quick e-mail introducing myself, commenting on her profile, and told her I hoped that we would get to talk soon. About 10 minutes later, I disconnected, went, and watch a movie. Never gave it a second thought.
The next afternoon, I got online, checked my e-mail, not expecting anything out of the ordinary. Probably just random crap from my friends, and junk mail. Big whoop. But I was shocked! She replied! I never expected a thing, but she gave me a reply! So of course, I kept e-mailing, not expecting anything back to any of them, but she just kept responding to me. I was shocked. I actually found someone online to talk to, that actually kept up his/her end of the responses. Little did I know what this would turn into.
I mean, it didn't really turn into this huge friendship really quickly. I mean, I wound up getting her physical address, as she had asked mine (because she wanted to send me brochures from some trip she went on). And then one day she decided she shouldn't get online much, and that we should just send regular mail to each other. That sucked for me. I think letters are much more personal, and like that. However, the thing I despise about it is that you actually have to WRITE them. I get lazy, or really busy, and writing letters becomes a hassle. So, over this time (from about late 2001, to about early 2003), our communications were sparse. But they were still existant. It would just take a few months for anything to actually happen (which was my fault, she was usually quick to respond to my letters).
Fast forward to March 2003. I hadn't written her since August of 2002. Yeah, I'm really lazy. But, in my defense, I had become busy with school, and then, got really busy with my first band. When I was at home, I was kind of depressed, and just spent my time playing bass, writing, or playing video games. But something just struck me, and I began to think, "I wonder how Hyunsil's doing. Maybe I should write her." Seemed like the thing to do. This was at the time when I was finally breaking out of my depression, and I had just gotten out of the hospital after literally almost dying (read my blog that I dedicated to Rick Girt in 2004), so I had a new lease on life. I couldn't share much of that, as things were financially bad at home, so we had no phone, no internet (duh, no phone), no cable, so pretty much, if it wasn't coming from my bass, my radio, or my PS2, I had no enterainment. So it was definitely a time where I could focus on writing a letter without getting too occupied.
So I wrote her, not expecting a thing back. I mean, I hadn't wrote to her in 7 months, why would she even bother with someone that wrote so sporadically? By the grace of God, though, she did reply. And she was absolutely happy that I wrote her, and had become afraid I had forgotten her. With my new positivity and lease on life, I wrote back as quickly as possible, and we discussed a lot of stuff, and caught up very quickly. And she started trying to teach me Korean. She also sent me things that I treasure to this day: two Korean coins. One was only worth a penny, and one only worth a dime, but who cares? That was pretty nice. I lost the penny piece a few months ago sadly, but still keep the dime with me wherever I go (in fact, I was using one as a card topper when I played poker, which will become absolutely ironic as we delve further).
So, time wore on this year, and we kept talking and talking. Then something really funny happened. I'm going into a huge amount of detail right now, but I feel like it. I may one day forget all of this, and I don't want to.
At church, we (the youth group) started praying for each of us to have a nation on our hearts. So needless to say, I was expecting a sign to come. And it came, or so I think.
Maybe it was just about a week or so after we started this, I don't remember. But anyway, Mom, my cousin and her husband, and myself, went to Wal-Mart in Evansville after dinner one night, because they needed to get some stuff. So, I did my usual, and veered off to electronics. I was looking at video games, then went to look at CD's, and something unusual caught my attention around the TVs. Something didn't sound quite right. It sounded like a foreign language or something. So I walked back there, and saw a bunch of Asians on the screen, and...is it? It is! That's KOREAN text on the screen. And I could figure out that it was Korean being spoken.
Now, I know that satellites can get Asian channels. But this was just absolutely bizarre (more so by the fact of what I had been praying for). Usually in Wal-Mart, you see that lame Wal-Mart channel trying to sell you junk at their store. But not this time. This was a Korean TV station being played at Wal-Mart.
I kind of brushed it off as it may have been a sign, it may not be. We'll just see what happens. Not 24 hours later, I was channel surfing at home (Cable was back), and saw a commercial. It was a commercial for the Korean National Travel Organization's website. This wasn't even the Travel Channel folks. And I have NEVER seen another commercial for it since. Nor had I ever seen one before this at all.
Yeah, I assumed. It was a sign. So I started to think ahead to what may end up being me going over there.
So one night, I was talking to Hyunsil on MSN, and just dropped the possibility of me coming over there sometime. She was ECSTATIC. So she started really hammering on me, trying to help me learn Korean, sending me Korean music, and all sorts of stuff pertaining to my coming over there.
Well, then my computer completely went bust at home. So, once college started, when I wasn't in class or in BASIC, I was in the library on the internet. Kind of geeky, but I hadn't met anyone there that I didn't already hang out with that I wanted to get to know. Several of these people were just horrible people, but again, I digress. But, so many times that I would get online, she would be on.
Needless to say, we began talking a lot. And we got to know each other very well. And it began to blossom into one of the best friendships I have ever had. Ever. Even though we have never met.
I mean, from August of 2003, pretty much every weekday, I had a conversation with her. I would help her with her English, she'd help me with my Korean. We'd discuss so much stuff it was funny. But like I said above, I had no clue what this would turn into. Because in February of 2004, I felt myself falling for this girl. Seriously. I kept it hidden from all but one person (including her, she had no clue for a long time), and swore him to secrecy.
I mean, it just made no sense. How could I be falling for some girl I have never met, never even talked to on the phone? I mean, the only way I really knew she was a girl and from Korea was the hundreds upon hundreds of pictures she sent me. But even those could fake. But I had a feeling that that wasn't the case. Just didn't seem too plausible.
Plus, I was quite frankly scared to admit it. Not so much the fact that I had fallen in love with someone over the internet; you can take the ribbing from that, or even fake the way you met if you were still nervous about admitting that. I was scared to admit that I had fallen for an Asian woman.
It wasn't that I thought that there was anything wrong with it. I didn't. My mother had raised me not to have anything wrong with it. And I didn't. If I had problems about socializing with people that wasn't white, I would've never e-mailed her. My problem was with the reaction of others.
People I hang with now have no problem with it. I mean, people who live in Indianapolis, for the most part at least, see this as an almost nonissue now. Southern Illinois, however, is a whole other animal. If you see someone that isn't white in the area I was from, it was like hitting the lottery. And those people would be stared at. Two people that I used to hang out with in high school were actual card carrying members of the KKK. Yeah, I am ashamed to admit that I'm friends with Klan members.
They actually, as a prank, drove around the square in town, and pulled up to the one black girl in our high school wearing their cloaks. Supposedly, she was traumatized, as expected. I heard this, and just sighed. I never said anything, but I just wanted to smack them for this one. They constantly used "nigger" to describe blacks in the media. So, to be frank, Southern Illinois isn't what you would call racially friendly.
So my mind raced through the thoughts of, "What if they knew I was falling for an Asian?" It just scared me to death what the consequences would be of even uttering that.
So it became not me who decided that is was something to be ashamed about, but outside influences that decided it was something to be ashamed about.
In late April of that year, I finally fessed up to her. And, in May, I talked to her on the phone for the first time ever, and was floored. But still, I kept this on the down-low, because I knew what would be said, and was scared to hear it, only telling a few friends what had transpired, and they (more accepting) were not surprised.
Well, then she went to Egypt for a year to study, and could hardly get online again. So I was back to having to write letters. Once again, I was swamped with music, then back to school, then became utterly depressed again. And once again, our conversations became a lot more sporadic. Not as bad as it had been, but it was not as frequent as it was through my first year of school.
But, once she returned to Korea, it was much more frequent. I finally became less concerned about the reactions of other people, and more concerned about what would happen between us. I wanted us to remain the best of friends, but I still wanted more.
Finally, in December of last year, I broke down and told her everything I felt. I told her I tried to hide it, and pretend it was nothing. But I couldn't. I wanted something more than what we had right then. I wanted my chance to be hers.
She then admitted that she had feelings for me, But she didn't want to act on them until we were able to meet. That was understandable. It's definitely feasible that we could be best friends online, but not get along in person. I don't think that will happen, but it's still feasible. So whatever was supposed to happen, would have to wait until the day that either I made it to Korea, or she made it here. But no matter what, we decided we would go on a date the first time we met. We had to see what was supposed to happen.
Then the utmost traumatic week I've ever experienced with her happened in January.
As everyone knows, I was playing poker seriously. I mean seriously. I lived and breathed the game. I was learning the game, becoming better, and was a winning player. So remember that irony? Yeah, you probably guessed it when I brought it up the first time.
Hyunsil despises poker. She knows it's addictive, and knows someone goes home broke playing it at times. That's all she really knows. And I knew she didn't like the game. We had this discussion once before, but I never came out to admit that I had started playing poker for a living. It wasn't that I had lied to her about what I was doing. I had just omitted it. To me it was a non-issue that we would bring up later, and that I would hopefully have enough of a bankroll built up just from playing freerolls and building that free money up to prove to her that it was a game of skill. So for it to happen in January was unexpected.
I had my occupation on several profiles that my occupation was Poker Player. Never thought anything about it. Then, she signed up to one of those sites, and saw it. And she left me a message on that site, and showed me her distate and disdain for what my occupation was. And that was it.
I began to think she wasn't ever going to talk to me again. I was getting worried as the days passed without her talking to me. One day. Two days. Three Days. Four days. Five Days. This was uncommon, and I seriously became worried she was never going to talk to me again.
Then, she signed on to MSN. And we started talking. And the first topic of discussion was my poker playing. I tried to explain everything to her. I talked until I was blue in the face, but she didn't like it at all. So, I asked her what she wanted me to do. Could I prove it to her that it wasn't just luck or what?
She then told me she wanted to quit playing poker. I almost knew that it would come to this. But I hadn't prepared for this decision at all. I figured I'd eventually be able to get her to understand. But it had all come to this.
To me, it was the biggest decision of my life. I had to think things through rationally.
Amazingly, the decision only took 2 minutes.
It was that moment that I quit poker. Hyunsil meant more to me than the game. Friends, lovers, whatever. 5 year together, I did not want to risk letting her go. And if that meant giving up poker, then so be it.
I haven't second guessed this decision at all. It's tough, yes, but I'm happy that I made it.
And now, I'm projected to go see her in April. When I started writing this blog, I couldn't remember the date of the car wreck, but I called Mom, and then thought about the chain events. And the amazing coincidence is that the day that I'm supposed to arrive in Seoul is the exact day (to the day) that I first saw her profile and e-mailed her. Absolutely amazing.
As it stands, I will be staying there a month. So I will get to be there to celebrate her 22nd birthday in May.
Of course, without poker, and factoring in some expenses that have come in, I'm short the money to get there. Fortunately, I have several chances to get a job now, starting with Meijer in Noblesville. Probably even full time, which will put me at way over the amount I need to get there. And, I should be there long enough for them to be able to let me off to go there. So here's hoping.
So, what has passed my time since giving up poker? I have really started to play music again. I've picked up both the acoustic and the bass (and have been air drumming, which sounds lame, but I've really started to be able to carry rhythm in drums now), and started playing again. I'm learning a lot of songs, some that I never thought I would learned. But that's about it. No band. With what's coming up, it's impractical to start something up that I'll have to put on hold for a month.
I've actually considered going to an open-mic at a comedy club and performing. I just got this wild hair in me when Jake & I got free tickets to see Brett Butler play a comedy club, and found out they have an amateur night. Would probably never do it again, but it just seems like an experience that I would like to try before I die. And everyone says my sense of humor is one of my biggest traits, so why not share that? It'd be interesting to experience.
I just started working out again. I had realized I really need to anyway. I mean, I take ONE STEP on a DDR machine and about pass out. I'm not getting fat, just out of shape. And that can lead to that. But I wasn't motivated to do so.
When I found out I have a shot to come to Korea to see Hyunsil, I felt that was motivation enough. I mean, she has told me that outward appearance isn't very important to her. But still. I'd hate to get there and be completely out of shape, and possibly getting fat. I mean, I want to at least show some pride in myself, and look decent when she meets me. I don't know how that will be possible, as the first time she will ever see me in person, I would look like total poop after the 18 hour flight there trying not to sleep (as it will be about 9-10 PM Korean time when I arrive). But I figure working out won't be too bad.
First day I did it, I knew I was lazy. I didn't know I was this lazy. Here was the totals:
3 Chin-ups
10 Crunches
10 Push-ups
That's it. That's all I could do. I need to start running too, but it's too friggin cold to do here! Well, the next morning, I woke up, and could barely move. That's embarrassing. I do less of a workout than I did in PE in high school (which was very little to begin with), and I'm sore. My abs hurt. My arms hurt. My legs hurt. If I moved, I hurt, I guarantee you.
It took everything I had the next day to even EMULATE the results I put up the first day. And, of course, I'm so melodramatic that everyone thought I had cut my leg off because I was groaning so loud with pain with every repitition.
It's gotten easier. But I'm still sore. The numbers I put up yesterday:
6 chin-ups
30 crunches
20 push-ups
10 one-armed push-ups each arm (THAT was a treat. First one I did, I felt my back pop like never before. I collapsed on the ground, screamed, and then went "Ahhhhhhh." Funny junk)
I'll factor in more stuff as I go, and relearn this stuff. What I need to focus on is my upper body, which has always been shoddy. Trust me people. It was talk of the locker room in high school. I would have tone rest of my body. You could see my ribs, individually. Yes, I eat (a lot). No I don't throw it back up. People would actually offer to buy me lunch because they were concerned. And others would crack jokes. And I've always been self conscious about my chest for this reason. It looks awful.
Laying flat on my back, you will actually see a dip from my rib cage to my abdoment. It's quite offsetting. It looks like one of those annorexic runway models. Gross.
So, I want to get that taken care of. I don't know exactly what exercises to do to tone that part of the body. So anyone with info, please let me know. Otherwise I'll be Googling it.
Don't suggest weightlifting. I've been down that road. I haven't lifted in 5 years (since whiplash incident, man that factors into so much of my life), so I would spend two months just trying to get HALFWAY to where I was. When I WAS lifting, I saw no difference in the shape of my chest. As in, you could still see my ribcage the same as now, the same as in 2003 when the jokes were made.
Also, I'm too focused on saving money for Korea to pay for a gym membership where I would get discouraged seeing all those hard bodies and just quit going. And I don't want to buy a weight set just to try to get back to where I was before I quit lifting, and not offset my problem.
I'm not asking for, or expecting a quick solution. Just something that has a possibility of showing noticeable improvement before April. I could even post pics of my upper body unclothed, just so you can see what I'm talking about. Maybe on Rotten.com. Just kidding.
Well, that's about it. And this is the megablog, absolutely the longest blog I've ever written. And now you know everything.
This is a uber-long blog, so please be patient, because you're going to have to read a lot of stuff!
Now, to do this, I guess I will have to go back in time to fill you in. And this involves me being absolutely honest with something I haven't been 100% about with a few people. So yeah, consider this me bearing it all. I know, you're probably thinking, "Jeez dude! I don't want a history lesson! Just give me the here and now!" Trust me, in order to know my reasoning for a lot of things that have been happening (including the reason why I quit playing poker), you NEED to know the full story.
This all started just about 5 years back, in April of 2001. On April 7th of that year, what I thought was the worst thing to happen to me happened. And this sounds absolutely stupid. My mom's 3-week old Saturn L300 car was rear-ended outside of a department store by some guy who wasn't paying attention to the road. I was hurting, and needless to say, the entire trunk of the car was in bad shape. They rushed me to the emergency room, and did some X-Rays. Turns out I just had whiplash, so it wasn't awful. But I had to wear a cervical collar, and had to limit my activity.
So, I was unable to finish my weightlifting classes. And my weekly activities of going out to a club to chill with my friends ground to a halt because of this. So, needless to say, I was bummed. All my activities were cut off, and I was feeling like this was the worst thing to happen to me. Little did I know that this would be quite the opposite in the long run.
Being unable to do much, I turned to my new computer. I had always been a computer nerd to begin with. Circumstances made me more so. I began spending my time, other than the time I spent obsessively playing my new PS2 and scoping out bonus features on my DVDs (God, I remember when that was such a novelty), chatting with my buddies I couldn't spend much time with due to my injury, downloading music (Yeah, old school Napster junk...my how times have changed), and surfing the internet. My little cousin would come over occasionally (and sometimes would have to get off the bus at my house), and we'd make stupid little home movies to entertain ourselves. But I digress on that part, that's a topic for another blog. It was the surfing the 'Net that was the biggest thing of this time.
On Saturday, April 14th, instead of going to the club as I usually would, I wound up surfing the 'Net (why do I keep beating the dead horse?). I wandered randomly onto a Penpal site that I had an account on, just hadn't put it to use at all. Well, I had a long time ago, but got zero serious responses (as in, those that responded e-mailed me once, but never responded to my replies, or I just couldn't connect with them in any way). But I was bored, and my regular plans were blown due to some idiot on a cell phone in a Ford F350. So I decided I'd pop into this site, and just look around, and see if there was anyone I might want to talk to. That's when I found her.
Her, being Hyunsil. She was just this girl from South Korea. Her's was probably the 5th or 6th profile I had read that night. And she seemed interesting. And she looked pretty from her picture. But, I figured I had no chance. That she would probably never respond to my e-mails. I swore to God that it was pointless to even try to e-mail her. I did anyway.
I don't even know why. Usually, when I get these hairs that I have no hope in a situation, I just give up, or never even attempt anything at all. But, I just decided I'd give it a shot. She's halfway around the world; if I never get anything back from her, I'll never have to see her at all to remind myself of my failure. So, why not?
I just sent a quick e-mail introducing myself, commenting on her profile, and told her I hoped that we would get to talk soon. About 10 minutes later, I disconnected, went, and watch a movie. Never gave it a second thought.
The next afternoon, I got online, checked my e-mail, not expecting anything out of the ordinary. Probably just random crap from my friends, and junk mail. Big whoop. But I was shocked! She replied! I never expected a thing, but she gave me a reply! So of course, I kept e-mailing, not expecting anything back to any of them, but she just kept responding to me. I was shocked. I actually found someone online to talk to, that actually kept up his/her end of the responses. Little did I know what this would turn into.
I mean, it didn't really turn into this huge friendship really quickly. I mean, I wound up getting her physical address, as she had asked mine (because she wanted to send me brochures from some trip she went on). And then one day she decided she shouldn't get online much, and that we should just send regular mail to each other. That sucked for me. I think letters are much more personal, and like that. However, the thing I despise about it is that you actually have to WRITE them. I get lazy, or really busy, and writing letters becomes a hassle. So, over this time (from about late 2001, to about early 2003), our communications were sparse. But they were still existant. It would just take a few months for anything to actually happen (which was my fault, she was usually quick to respond to my letters).
Fast forward to March 2003. I hadn't written her since August of 2002. Yeah, I'm really lazy. But, in my defense, I had become busy with school, and then, got really busy with my first band. When I was at home, I was kind of depressed, and just spent my time playing bass, writing, or playing video games. But something just struck me, and I began to think, "I wonder how Hyunsil's doing. Maybe I should write her." Seemed like the thing to do. This was at the time when I was finally breaking out of my depression, and I had just gotten out of the hospital after literally almost dying (read my blog that I dedicated to Rick Girt in 2004), so I had a new lease on life. I couldn't share much of that, as things were financially bad at home, so we had no phone, no internet (duh, no phone), no cable, so pretty much, if it wasn't coming from my bass, my radio, or my PS2, I had no enterainment. So it was definitely a time where I could focus on writing a letter without getting too occupied.
So I wrote her, not expecting a thing back. I mean, I hadn't wrote to her in 7 months, why would she even bother with someone that wrote so sporadically? By the grace of God, though, she did reply. And she was absolutely happy that I wrote her, and had become afraid I had forgotten her. With my new positivity and lease on life, I wrote back as quickly as possible, and we discussed a lot of stuff, and caught up very quickly. And she started trying to teach me Korean. She also sent me things that I treasure to this day: two Korean coins. One was only worth a penny, and one only worth a dime, but who cares? That was pretty nice. I lost the penny piece a few months ago sadly, but still keep the dime with me wherever I go (in fact, I was using one as a card topper when I played poker, which will become absolutely ironic as we delve further).
So, time wore on this year, and we kept talking and talking. Then something really funny happened. I'm going into a huge amount of detail right now, but I feel like it. I may one day forget all of this, and I don't want to.
At church, we (the youth group) started praying for each of us to have a nation on our hearts. So needless to say, I was expecting a sign to come. And it came, or so I think.
Maybe it was just about a week or so after we started this, I don't remember. But anyway, Mom, my cousin and her husband, and myself, went to Wal-Mart in Evansville after dinner one night, because they needed to get some stuff. So, I did my usual, and veered off to electronics. I was looking at video games, then went to look at CD's, and something unusual caught my attention around the TVs. Something didn't sound quite right. It sounded like a foreign language or something. So I walked back there, and saw a bunch of Asians on the screen, and...is it? It is! That's KOREAN text on the screen. And I could figure out that it was Korean being spoken.
Now, I know that satellites can get Asian channels. But this was just absolutely bizarre (more so by the fact of what I had been praying for). Usually in Wal-Mart, you see that lame Wal-Mart channel trying to sell you junk at their store. But not this time. This was a Korean TV station being played at Wal-Mart.
I kind of brushed it off as it may have been a sign, it may not be. We'll just see what happens. Not 24 hours later, I was channel surfing at home (Cable was back), and saw a commercial. It was a commercial for the Korean National Travel Organization's website. This wasn't even the Travel Channel folks. And I have NEVER seen another commercial for it since. Nor had I ever seen one before this at all.
Yeah, I assumed. It was a sign. So I started to think ahead to what may end up being me going over there.
So one night, I was talking to Hyunsil on MSN, and just dropped the possibility of me coming over there sometime. She was ECSTATIC. So she started really hammering on me, trying to help me learn Korean, sending me Korean music, and all sorts of stuff pertaining to my coming over there.
Well, then my computer completely went bust at home. So, once college started, when I wasn't in class or in BASIC, I was in the library on the internet. Kind of geeky, but I hadn't met anyone there that I didn't already hang out with that I wanted to get to know. Several of these people were just horrible people, but again, I digress. But, so many times that I would get online, she would be on.
Needless to say, we began talking a lot. And we got to know each other very well. And it began to blossom into one of the best friendships I have ever had. Ever. Even though we have never met.
I mean, from August of 2003, pretty much every weekday, I had a conversation with her. I would help her with her English, she'd help me with my Korean. We'd discuss so much stuff it was funny. But like I said above, I had no clue what this would turn into. Because in February of 2004, I felt myself falling for this girl. Seriously. I kept it hidden from all but one person (including her, she had no clue for a long time), and swore him to secrecy.
I mean, it just made no sense. How could I be falling for some girl I have never met, never even talked to on the phone? I mean, the only way I really knew she was a girl and from Korea was the hundreds upon hundreds of pictures she sent me. But even those could fake. But I had a feeling that that wasn't the case. Just didn't seem too plausible.
Plus, I was quite frankly scared to admit it. Not so much the fact that I had fallen in love with someone over the internet; you can take the ribbing from that, or even fake the way you met if you were still nervous about admitting that. I was scared to admit that I had fallen for an Asian woman.
It wasn't that I thought that there was anything wrong with it. I didn't. My mother had raised me not to have anything wrong with it. And I didn't. If I had problems about socializing with people that wasn't white, I would've never e-mailed her. My problem was with the reaction of others.
People I hang with now have no problem with it. I mean, people who live in Indianapolis, for the most part at least, see this as an almost nonissue now. Southern Illinois, however, is a whole other animal. If you see someone that isn't white in the area I was from, it was like hitting the lottery. And those people would be stared at. Two people that I used to hang out with in high school were actual card carrying members of the KKK. Yeah, I am ashamed to admit that I'm friends with Klan members.
They actually, as a prank, drove around the square in town, and pulled up to the one black girl in our high school wearing their cloaks. Supposedly, she was traumatized, as expected. I heard this, and just sighed. I never said anything, but I just wanted to smack them for this one. They constantly used "nigger" to describe blacks in the media. So, to be frank, Southern Illinois isn't what you would call racially friendly.
So my mind raced through the thoughts of, "What if they knew I was falling for an Asian?" It just scared me to death what the consequences would be of even uttering that.
So it became not me who decided that is was something to be ashamed about, but outside influences that decided it was something to be ashamed about.
In late April of that year, I finally fessed up to her. And, in May, I talked to her on the phone for the first time ever, and was floored. But still, I kept this on the down-low, because I knew what would be said, and was scared to hear it, only telling a few friends what had transpired, and they (more accepting) were not surprised.
Well, then she went to Egypt for a year to study, and could hardly get online again. So I was back to having to write letters. Once again, I was swamped with music, then back to school, then became utterly depressed again. And once again, our conversations became a lot more sporadic. Not as bad as it had been, but it was not as frequent as it was through my first year of school.
But, once she returned to Korea, it was much more frequent. I finally became less concerned about the reactions of other people, and more concerned about what would happen between us. I wanted us to remain the best of friends, but I still wanted more.
Finally, in December of last year, I broke down and told her everything I felt. I told her I tried to hide it, and pretend it was nothing. But I couldn't. I wanted something more than what we had right then. I wanted my chance to be hers.
She then admitted that she had feelings for me, But she didn't want to act on them until we were able to meet. That was understandable. It's definitely feasible that we could be best friends online, but not get along in person. I don't think that will happen, but it's still feasible. So whatever was supposed to happen, would have to wait until the day that either I made it to Korea, or she made it here. But no matter what, we decided we would go on a date the first time we met. We had to see what was supposed to happen.
Then the utmost traumatic week I've ever experienced with her happened in January.
As everyone knows, I was playing poker seriously. I mean seriously. I lived and breathed the game. I was learning the game, becoming better, and was a winning player. So remember that irony? Yeah, you probably guessed it when I brought it up the first time.
Hyunsil despises poker. She knows it's addictive, and knows someone goes home broke playing it at times. That's all she really knows. And I knew she didn't like the game. We had this discussion once before, but I never came out to admit that I had started playing poker for a living. It wasn't that I had lied to her about what I was doing. I had just omitted it. To me it was a non-issue that we would bring up later, and that I would hopefully have enough of a bankroll built up just from playing freerolls and building that free money up to prove to her that it was a game of skill. So for it to happen in January was unexpected.
I had my occupation on several profiles that my occupation was Poker Player. Never thought anything about it. Then, she signed up to one of those sites, and saw it. And she left me a message on that site, and showed me her distate and disdain for what my occupation was. And that was it.
I began to think she wasn't ever going to talk to me again. I was getting worried as the days passed without her talking to me. One day. Two days. Three Days. Four days. Five Days. This was uncommon, and I seriously became worried she was never going to talk to me again.
Then, she signed on to MSN. And we started talking. And the first topic of discussion was my poker playing. I tried to explain everything to her. I talked until I was blue in the face, but she didn't like it at all. So, I asked her what she wanted me to do. Could I prove it to her that it wasn't just luck or what?
She then told me she wanted to quit playing poker. I almost knew that it would come to this. But I hadn't prepared for this decision at all. I figured I'd eventually be able to get her to understand. But it had all come to this.
To me, it was the biggest decision of my life. I had to think things through rationally.
Amazingly, the decision only took 2 minutes.
It was that moment that I quit poker. Hyunsil meant more to me than the game. Friends, lovers, whatever. 5 year together, I did not want to risk letting her go. And if that meant giving up poker, then so be it.
I haven't second guessed this decision at all. It's tough, yes, but I'm happy that I made it.
And now, I'm projected to go see her in April. When I started writing this blog, I couldn't remember the date of the car wreck, but I called Mom, and then thought about the chain events. And the amazing coincidence is that the day that I'm supposed to arrive in Seoul is the exact day (to the day) that I first saw her profile and e-mailed her. Absolutely amazing.
As it stands, I will be staying there a month. So I will get to be there to celebrate her 22nd birthday in May.
Of course, without poker, and factoring in some expenses that have come in, I'm short the money to get there. Fortunately, I have several chances to get a job now, starting with Meijer in Noblesville. Probably even full time, which will put me at way over the amount I need to get there. And, I should be there long enough for them to be able to let me off to go there. So here's hoping.
So, what has passed my time since giving up poker? I have really started to play music again. I've picked up both the acoustic and the bass (and have been air drumming, which sounds lame, but I've really started to be able to carry rhythm in drums now), and started playing again. I'm learning a lot of songs, some that I never thought I would learned. But that's about it. No band. With what's coming up, it's impractical to start something up that I'll have to put on hold for a month.
I've actually considered going to an open-mic at a comedy club and performing. I just got this wild hair in me when Jake & I got free tickets to see Brett Butler play a comedy club, and found out they have an amateur night. Would probably never do it again, but it just seems like an experience that I would like to try before I die. And everyone says my sense of humor is one of my biggest traits, so why not share that? It'd be interesting to experience.
I just started working out again. I had realized I really need to anyway. I mean, I take ONE STEP on a DDR machine and about pass out. I'm not getting fat, just out of shape. And that can lead to that. But I wasn't motivated to do so.
When I found out I have a shot to come to Korea to see Hyunsil, I felt that was motivation enough. I mean, she has told me that outward appearance isn't very important to her. But still. I'd hate to get there and be completely out of shape, and possibly getting fat. I mean, I want to at least show some pride in myself, and look decent when she meets me. I don't know how that will be possible, as the first time she will ever see me in person, I would look like total poop after the 18 hour flight there trying not to sleep (as it will be about 9-10 PM Korean time when I arrive). But I figure working out won't be too bad.
First day I did it, I knew I was lazy. I didn't know I was this lazy. Here was the totals:
3 Chin-ups
10 Crunches
10 Push-ups
That's it. That's all I could do. I need to start running too, but it's too friggin cold to do here! Well, the next morning, I woke up, and could barely move. That's embarrassing. I do less of a workout than I did in PE in high school (which was very little to begin with), and I'm sore. My abs hurt. My arms hurt. My legs hurt. If I moved, I hurt, I guarantee you.
It took everything I had the next day to even EMULATE the results I put up the first day. And, of course, I'm so melodramatic that everyone thought I had cut my leg off because I was groaning so loud with pain with every repitition.
It's gotten easier. But I'm still sore. The numbers I put up yesterday:
6 chin-ups
30 crunches
20 push-ups
10 one-armed push-ups each arm (THAT was a treat. First one I did, I felt my back pop like never before. I collapsed on the ground, screamed, and then went "Ahhhhhhh." Funny junk)
I'll factor in more stuff as I go, and relearn this stuff. What I need to focus on is my upper body, which has always been shoddy. Trust me people. It was talk of the locker room in high school. I would have tone rest of my body. You could see my ribs, individually. Yes, I eat (a lot). No I don't throw it back up. People would actually offer to buy me lunch because they were concerned. And others would crack jokes. And I've always been self conscious about my chest for this reason. It looks awful.
Laying flat on my back, you will actually see a dip from my rib cage to my abdoment. It's quite offsetting. It looks like one of those annorexic runway models. Gross.
So, I want to get that taken care of. I don't know exactly what exercises to do to tone that part of the body. So anyone with info, please let me know. Otherwise I'll be Googling it.
Don't suggest weightlifting. I've been down that road. I haven't lifted in 5 years (since whiplash incident, man that factors into so much of my life), so I would spend two months just trying to get HALFWAY to where I was. When I WAS lifting, I saw no difference in the shape of my chest. As in, you could still see my ribcage the same as now, the same as in 2003 when the jokes were made.
Also, I'm too focused on saving money for Korea to pay for a gym membership where I would get discouraged seeing all those hard bodies and just quit going. And I don't want to buy a weight set just to try to get back to where I was before I quit lifting, and not offset my problem.
I'm not asking for, or expecting a quick solution. Just something that has a possibility of showing noticeable improvement before April. I could even post pics of my upper body unclothed, just so you can see what I'm talking about. Maybe on Rotten.com. Just kidding.
Well, that's about it. And this is the megablog, absolutely the longest blog I've ever written. And now you know everything.
Friday, January 20, 2006
My life has become uber-confusing...
Yeah, long time no post in all fairness. I was on a regular schedule?
What can I say, life caught up with me. I'll give you a little bit of Filler Time of what's happening...I'll sit down and write a megablog soon about what the crap's going on, when I can concentrate on one thing for more than 15 seconds. Here goes:
What can I say, life caught up with me. I'll give you a little bit of Filler Time of what's happening...I'll sit down and write a megablog soon about what the crap's going on, when I can concentrate on one thing for more than 15 seconds. Here goes:
- I quit poker.
- I'm playing/writing music again
- Artsy crap's going good too
- Women are confusing
- I finally told everyone at Linksys off
- I'm going to start job hunting
- My pies suck
- Supposedly, I'm still a stalker
Monday, January 09, 2006
Sunday, January 08, 2006
I officially love screwing up on the Internet
So I was trying to go to a website that started in sta, and had typed in www.sta and accidentally hit enter.
So I was about to correct it, and then a funny thing happened. A Student/Youth travel site opened up: STA Travel. This site's purpose is to allow Students and Youth to have cheaper airfare than normal to get to places.
Well, I'm not a student anymore, but I'm certainly a youth. So, I decided to get it a shot.
And sure enough, they aren't lying. A plane ticket from Indianapolis to Seoul costs about $100 less than it does anywhere I've ever looked it up, even direct from the airlines.
Top that! Now, I know where I'm booking.
So I was about to correct it, and then a funny thing happened. A Student/Youth travel site opened up: STA Travel. This site's purpose is to allow Students and Youth to have cheaper airfare than normal to get to places.
Well, I'm not a student anymore, but I'm certainly a youth. So, I decided to get it a shot.
And sure enough, they aren't lying. A plane ticket from Indianapolis to Seoul costs about $100 less than it does anywhere I've ever looked it up, even direct from the airlines.
Top that! Now, I know where I'm booking.
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