The Annual Survey Again

Well, since I swore up and down that I did this last year, I'll do at again this year, just to see what has changed since.

Name: Corey
Siblings By Blood: none
Brothers: none
Sisters: none
Eye color: dark brown
Shoe size: 10 1/2
Height: 5'9"
Innie or Outie: innie
What are you wearing right now?: work clothes
Where do you live?: Harrisburg
Righty or lefty: righty.
Best place to go for a first date: to a nice restaurant followed by a walk (if it's warm out)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Favorites
Number: 147
Boys Name: adam
Girls Name: jennifer
Drink: propel fitness water or barq's root beer
Month: April
Juice: orange juice
Breakfast: bagels and cream cheese
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Have You Ever..
Smoked: yes
Bungee jumped: no
Made yourself throw-up: yes
Gone skinny dipping: no
Loved somebody so much it made you cry: Yes
Broken a bone: Yes, my toe twice, once playing hackeysack, and once playing poker (believe me, don't ask)
Played Truth or Dare: yes
Been in a police car: no
Came close to dying: yes, seriously, yes, i almost died in '03.
Been in a sauna: no
Been in a hot tub: yes
Swam in the ocean: no
Fallen asleep in school: School = sleep
Broken someone's heart: I don't know.
Cried when someone died: Yes.
Cried in school: Yeah, that was a horrible day.
Fell off your chair: Countless times.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Yes
Saved AIM conversation: I save them all.
Saved e-mails: I'm an e-mail packrat thanks to Gmail.
Made out with just a friend: no.
Been cheated on: Yes, but I had found out AFTER we broke up, so it didn't phase me too much.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
What is...
What's your room like: pretty dark...kinda cool right now actually
What is beside you: 2-liter of pepsi, phone, m&ms, and a couple dvd's
What is the last thing you ate: McChickens
What kind of shampoo do you use: whatever's in the shower
------------------------------------------------------------
Ever Had...
Chicken pox: nope
Sore throat: who hasn't?
Stitches: yes
Broken nose: technically
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Do You...
Believe in love at first sight: No
Like picnics: Yes
Like school: No
---------------------------------------------
Questions:
Who was the last person you called: Aunt Bobbi
Who was the last person you danced with: thinking back, last person i danced with was Abby back in 2003...yikes!
Who makes you smile: God
------------------------------------------------------------
Who...
Did you last yell at: Harley
Broke your heart last: Hyunsil
Told you they loved you last? Mom
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Do you like filling these out: meh...
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses: neither
Do you like yourself: sometimes
get along with your family?: sometimes
-----------------------------------------------
What are you listening to right now: the whir of my computer
What did you do yesterday?: Christmas dinner with the family, guitar hero, worked on my comic strip.
Hated someone in your family: honestly? no one now.
What car do you wish to have: BMW m5
Where do you want to get married: someplace beautiful, doesn't really matter.
Good driver: yes
Good singer: i'm a good screamer, i can also drop bombs on you!
Diamond or pearl: diamond
Indoor or outdoor: indoor
---------------------------------------------------------
Today did you...
1. Talk to someone you liked: yes
2. Buy something: no
3. Get sick: no
4. Sing: no
5. Talked to an ex: no
6. Miss someone: Yes
-----------------------------------------------------
Last person who....
10. Was in your bed?: me
11. Saw you cry: Dan
12. Made you cry: Rangel
13. Went to the movies with: Mom
14. You went to the mall with: Autumn
16. Ever been in a fight with your pet: when i had to put nametags on them
17. Been to California: no
18. Been to Mexico: no
19. Been to Canada: no
20. Been to Africa: no
--------------------------------------------------------
Random.....
21. Who was your first celebrity crush: Dolly Parton (sad, right?)
22. What books are you reading now: Call To Die, The Final Quest
23. Best feeling in the world: Knowing you've made a difference in a small way
24. Future KIDS names: not sure
25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: no
26. What's under your bed: an old alarm clock
27. Favorite sport to watch: hockey
28. Favorite location?: Indianapolis
29. Piercing/Tattoos: Neither
32. Who do you really hate?: i hate no one, i just have a few people who irk me
33. Do you have a job?: yeah
35. Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with? yes
37. Are you lonely right now: not totally
38. Song that's stuck in your head right now: The Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin
39. Have you ever played strip poker: yes, but no one wanted to play with me
40. Have you ever gotten beat up: yes
43. Have you ever been in a mosh-pit: yes
44. Ever liked someone but thought they'd never noticed you? yes
__________________________________________
random

What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: their face
Your Favorite Food?: pasta & korean food (rock the bulgogi)
Have you ever cried for no reason?: yes
Hugs or kisses?: kisses.
Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?: butter
Favorite Flower?: red roses
Have you ever fired a gun?: yes
Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car?: car
How many pillows do you sleep with: one

I am not dead

I am still very much alive, although there have been times over the last couple weeks that I wished I wasn't. There will be more to come, and a huge blog to come that will discuss the goings on of this month, but in summation, I got screwed.

Prepare yourself, the blog won't be pretty.

Hyunsil FTW, Chicago FTL

Three words, plain and simple: What a day.

Woke up at 6 to go to O'Hare. I got there at around 7:50, and look at the screen to find out her flight was coming in 15 minutes early. So then began the huge waiting game. My heart was racing at incredible speeds as I waited outside the gate. Around 8:50, I saw a sight my eyes never in a million years thought they would see. Her walking towards me waving. In a moment of awkwardness, we both fumbled to get to each other, and finally did. Just what a rush.

Right now, she is taking a nap. 11 hour flights have that effect on people. I took an hour nap. But we haven't done too much sightseeing yet, but have been spending time together. And it's just been great.

Unfortunately, neither one of us properly estimated exactly how bitter the cold in Chitown is. While she was napping, I went to Walgreens to buy each of us scarves, and her some earmuffs and gloves. All in all, I think we have it pretty much covered.

I can go into much more detail later on, when I have more time to. But believe me, this trip, despite us being crazy enough to go Chicago in the dead of winter, is well worth it. Just seeing her is amazing. And that's all I've been asking for.

Title: In Chicago; Will Meet Hyunsil

I'm trying to type this as fast as possible, as the internet charges are outrageous here. In fact I'm writing this befcore I type it so I won't waste time thinking; how's THAT for efficiency?

I am a zombie right now. I fell asleep at midnight, got woke up at 12:30 by a strange noise, couldn't fall back asleep till 1:30. Jake woke me up at 3:30. Yeah, I got a ton of sleep.

I got on the train at 6:30. I got one hour sleep on there. Go me.

But, I made it to Chicago. A lot of the nerves are gone. Now that I'm here, I'm not as scared. I felt comfortable on the bus, and easily handled the EL. Yes, I am a juggernaught.

I decided on a proper course of action upon arriving to Chitown while I was on the train:

1. Check-in @ the hostel.
2. Go to O'Hare & survey the transit to and meet-up situation of the International terminal.

I felt this was tons better than sitting in the hostel all day and winging it tomorrow. Yes, Allan, I gave up on winging it; please <3>

O'Hare was a veritable Hell in '01. That wasn't under optimal conditions, however. This time was a snap. I found the itnernational terminal easily & found the meeting spot easily. Now I'm going to e-mail Hyunsil with the hope that she checks her e-mail before leaving Tokyo, to ease her mind about O'Hare.

So here I am, less than 24 hours from meeting Hyunsil. And I havve the strangest calm around me right now. It's so great.

Plans WERE to meet up with gkunit20 off FCP, and go buy some incidentals I forgot to pack (including an alarm clock...bleh).

Needless to say, don't expect me to be online till I get to Naptown. Correction: WE get to Naptown.

Pictures will come. This will be worth it.

Was King wrong?

I'm beginning to believe so...at least partially wrong.

40 years later, and I'm still not sure all the words Dr. King spoke in Washington will ever come to pass.  That does not mean that I don't believe them to be true, I just believe that everything he said was way too idealistic for society even as a majority to ever hope to accomplish.

It's easy to say we can judge people by the content of their character...if they look like you.  No one is able to judge people by the content of their character if they don't because they cannot get past the color of their skin.  We can live side-by-side with people of different races, but that doesn't mean we accept them.  We're just in "live and let live" mode.

When it comes down to the bitter truth, and comes time to decide something important based on race, we still fall back on ours and our ancestors' prejudices.  No man can love a woman (or vice versa) from a different race without society as a majority, even those we hold so close, stepping in between them and saying it's wrong.  People will not trust another person from a different race because no one really can trust what is different.  We can say we can do these things, but in the end, our stereotypes will always come into play, whether we want to admit it or not.  And as such:

• White people will always be gluttonous, opportunistic, and power-hungry backstabbers.
• Black people will always be lazy, angry, and criminals.
• Asians will always be good at math, bad drivers, and quick to butcher English, while their women will always be green card-grubbing.
• Arabs will always be terrorists and jihad-obsessed.
• Hispanics will always be fence jumpers and cheap wage job thieves.
• East Indians will always be slurpee machines and piss-poor tech support.

It's sad, but it's true.  At least in the eyes of the whole world, because that's all they can see, and not the whole person.  And anyone from one race who believes differently about another race will be told that they are wrong, and that they will see how wrong they are soon.  If they don't see it, then they are delusional according to everyone else.

Saying that there have been steps taken in the correct direction are irrational, because those steps were, and still are, taken with everyone spitting in their faces.

You can say that KKK, Black Panther, and various other hate groups' membership numbers have dwindled.  That doesn't change the fact that people still privately harbor racial prejudices.

In the end, Dr. King had a dream.  I will admit that it was a good one, and one that I believed, and still cling to strands of belief, in. But in the end, maybe it's time to face the fact that it was just that: a dream.

Blowing Brains Through the Airplane

I would point the gun at you
Just to make myself feel better
Even if it's just temporary pleasure
It could cause you an eternity of pain
If I could make this easier
And promise everything would be fine
I would do whatever it took
To make it happen
But knowing what I know now
It's just too hard to take that chance
It's not easy to destroy your life
On this one slim hope of something real
I would point the gun at myself
Just to make you feel better
So let's say our goodbyes
Because I'm playing Russian Roulette tonight

T-minus 17 days

I'll probably write another one of these before I leave, but I'm just so anxious I can't even take it.

February 1st, I leave for Chicago.  I know that isn't a huge thing in normal terms.  For me, however, this trip will be monumental.

Why?  Because on February 2nd, Hyunsil will be joining me there.

Yes, you heard me right.  I know I've said me and Hyunsil are meeting up several times in the past, but this time it is for sure.  She has bought her plane ticket here.  She has her Visa.  We have arranged the hotel room and bought train tickets back to Indianapolis.  It is 100% certain that she is coming.

And yes, she is coming to stay with me for a while.  And we are headed back to So. ILL for a little bit too.  It's completely official.

She arrives on the 2nd, and leaves on the 5th of March.  Which gives us a little more than a month together.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am in shock.  Like, I have been dreaming of this happening for the longest time, but began to doubt that it would ever come about.  Now it's certain that it will.  I can't even fathom it.

As for the next couple weeks, I have to deal with the logistical nightmare of planning and plotting this out.  I'm pretty much done, but it's still a nightmare.  Including one thing I dread more than anything: O'Hare.  I'm to meet her at O'Hare, and we'll be taking the shuttle back to the hotel.  Unfortunately, I cannot go within the terminal she arrives from because I do not have a ticket, and the way it appears, the instant she clears customs, she is in the parking lot.  What a nightmare.  Now I've got to figure out a meeting place.

Considering O'Hare, this may take up until the last possible minute that I have to synchronize this meeting place with her to figure it out.

...I really hate O'Hare.  But O'Hare will not daunt me now.  Hyunsil will be waiting for me in almost 2 weeks.  I will kick security in the nuts to meet up with her if needs be.

***********DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A TERRORIST. KTHXBYE***********

The Verizon Files: Google!

I have had calls that made me lose my composure on the phone before.  I have literally crushed Tylenol bottles beyond the point of recognition during calls, because I knew if I took my aggression out on said bottle, I wouldn't take it out on the customer.  I'm a scrawny guy, with very little muscle mass, so for me to crush a Tylenol bottle is a feat in itself.

Unfortunately, there's some calls that go longer than it took for me to squeeze a Tylenol bottle to oblivion, and thus, take some of the brunt of my agitation at that point.  This guy is a poster boy for these kind of moments.

I had this guy on the line, and had to put his username and password into his modem. Seems simple right? WRONG! This guy is getting a bad IP. I know this because whenever he tries to pull a webpage, it says "Unable to access the Verizon network." But, for the sake of putting it in my notes, I have to prove he has a bad IP.

To do this, we have to pull up a page in the modem. To do this, at the top of EVERY FREAKING PAGE in the modem, there is the following menu:

Westell Logo---Home----Status----Configuration----Troubleshooting----Help

And when you pull down the Status menu, it shows as above, but with Connection Summary and About underneath Status. We're going to go to Connection Summary. Sounds easy?

...here is the conversation that ensued.

Me: Sir, are we back at the Westell page?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Ok, please click on Status, and then Connection Summary.
Customer: Where is that at?
Me: It's at the top of the Westell page.
Customer: I don't see it.
Me: Scroll up to the top of the Westell page.
Customer: Ok. (Fake scrolls up I think)
Me: Do you see the Westell logo?
Customer: No! I don't see it! Can you be more specific?
Me: Look at the top of your page in Internet Explorer, and please tell me what you see.
Customer: Wirespeed Dual Connect - Microsoft Internet Explorer
Me: ....Sir, that is the title bar of Internet Explorer.
Customer: No it's not.
Me: Yes it is.
Customer: No, no, no.
Me: Yes, yes, yes.
Customer: No, I am looking at the top of Internet Explorer like you said.
Me: No sir, I said the top of the page in your Internet Explorer, not the top of your screen.
Customer: Can you please be more specific?
Me: Fine. Look at the very top of the screen. Do you see where it says Wirespeed Dual Connect?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Great. Do you see below that File, Edit, View, Favorites, Tools and Help?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Great. Do you see below that Back, Forward, Stop, Refresh, and Home?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Great. Do you see the address bar below that?
Customer: Yes.
Me: And below that do you see the Westell logo, then, Status, Configuration, Troubleshooting, and Help?
Customer: NO!
Me: ...What do you see then?
Customer: GOOGLE!
Me: ...Google?
Customer: Yeah. Google Links, Google Mail, Google Popups, Google Search...
Me: ...Sir, that's a toolbar.
Customer: Yeah. What do you want me to click? Google Links? Ok I'll click--
Me: No! Don't click anything.
Customer: Ok, I'll click on Goo--
Me: NO! DON'T CLICK ON GOOGLE!
Customer: But google...
Me: NO! FORGET GOOGLE! WE DON'T NEED GOOGLE! WE'RE NOT EVEN ONLINE RIGHT NOW, SO HOW CAN YOU DO ANYTHING WITH GOOGLE! FOR RIGHT NOW, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FORGET THAT GOOGLE EVEN EXISTS!
Customer: ...Ok.
Me: Below your Google toolbar...
Customer: But you said forget Google...
Me: Shut up. Below the toolbar, do you see the Westell logo, Home, Status, Configuration, Troubleshooting, and Help?
Customer: NO! Can you be more specific?
Me: It doesn't get more specific than that.
Customer: It has to.
Me: Please hold.
Customer: Ok.

*After I wipe the tears from my eyes, I decide to find the direct URL to that page in my notes*

Me: Ok, sir, type this in on the address bar please. *give full URL*
Customer: Ok.
Me: Where did it take you?
Customer: Nowhere.
Me: Did you hit enter?
Customer: No.
Me: Hit enter please.
Customer: Ok.
Me: Now, where did it take you?
Customer: Page cannot be displayed.
Me: Oh, for God's sake. Hit Back.
Customer: Ok.
Me: Now, do you see that menu?
Customer: No.
Me: Hit F5 on your keyboard. (For those of you who don't know, F5 is a shortcut to Refresh)
Customer: Ok.
Me: Now do you see the Westell menu?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Thanks, genious. You wasted 20 minutes on something that could've been solved by scrolling up.

And there you have it.

The Verizon Files: Them Ain't Lice!

My first week out of Tank was very interesting, to say the least.  Some of it can be contributed to the fact that I still was going into calls blind, and how no clue for the most part, what I was doing.  However, I can state for a fact that most of it was due to the following call.

You would think that having lived in Southern Illinois my whole life would have desensitized me to redneck activity.  However, in all my days of living there, never has anyone fallen under the redneck stereotype in my opinion more than this caller: a women living with her mother and her three children in North Carolina.

Thick Southern accent aside, every statement that came out of her mouth drove the stereotype further and further home for me.  After she explained that she couldn't get online, she then accused her Momma of doing it:  "She knows nothin bout them computers.  All she does is play them there online games.  I went and done got some computer learnin books at the Wal-Mart for her, and she went mad and said, 'I don't need them there learnin books to learn how to use that dern computer; all I want to do is play my online games.'  She loves them there online games..."

I'll take Infamous Grammar Police Raids for $1000, Alex.

As I'm begin to ask her about her equipment so that I can start helping her fix this, I hear her scream into the other room, to her kids, the following statement: "THEM AIN'T LICE!"

If there was a moment where I thought I could not be hearing what I thought I was hearing, and just didn't want to ask if I WAS hearing what I thought I was hearing, this was it.  However, she felt the necessity to clarify that she said exactly what I thought I heard, and WHY SHE SAID IT:

"Those damned kids in there were picking at that there dog we have, and thought it had lice.  They love lice."

I wish to GOD I was not making that last sentence up.  She said that, and if I'm lying, I'm dying.

By this time, I have her on mute laughing at her, taking breathers, and help her fix her connection.  I figured this was the worst this call could possibly get.  But just when I assumed that, she proved that she could continue to shock and amaze.

I took her into her modem's setup page to type in her user ID and a temporary password.  The user ID, which she doesn't know, because it's different than her username, ends in Zero.  You know, 0.  I even told her as I gave her the password, "The number Zero."

Well, when I tried to take her to Verizon's homepage to change her password, it gave us an error.  So, I had to go back into the modem to confirm what I already knew: she typed the user ID in wrong. I have her read back the user ID to me, and that Zero has magically changed into an O.  Which, it's an honest mistake, people do it all the time.  However, what was then said between us, is NOT an honest mistake.

Me: Ma'am, that last character is a Zero, not an O.
Her: Oh, you mean the NUMBER Zero!
Me: ..................Yes.  As opposed to the NEW alphabet that's going around where the letter C is now written as 758349, this is a numerical Zero.

If the South would've won...

I guess it's time for an annual survey.

I think I did this one before.  I'm not sure.  I don't remember whether I did or not.  If I did, oh well, I'm doing it again.  And then I'll just compare answers from the last time.

Name: Corey
Siblings By Blood: none
Brothers: none
Sisters: none
Eye color: dark brown
Shoe size: 10 1/2
Height: 5'9"
Innie or Outie: innie
What are you wearing right now?: boxer shorts
Where do you live?: Indianapolis
Righty or lefty: righty.
Best place to go for a first date: to a nice restaurant followed by a walk (if it's warm out)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Favorites
Number: 147
Boys Name: adam
Girls Name: katrina
Drink: propel fitness water or barq's root beer
Month: April
Juice: orange juice
Breakfast: Cereal bars
 -----------------------------------------------------------------
Have You Ever..
Smoked: yes
Bungee jumped: no
Made yourself throw-up: no
Gone skinny dipping: no
Loved somebody so much it made you cry: Yes
Broken a bone: Yes, my toe twice, once playing hackeysack, and once playing poker (believe me, don't ask)
Played Truth or Dare: yes
Been in a police car: no
Came close to dying: yes, seriously, yes, i almost died in '03.
Been in a sauna: no
Been in a hot tub: yes
Swam in the ocean: no
Fallen asleep in school: School = sleep
Broken someone's heart: I don't know.
Cried when someone died: Yes.
Cried in school: Yeah, that was a horrible day.
Fell off your chair: Countless times.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Yes
Saved AIM conversation: I save the all.
Saved e-mails: I'm an e-mail packrat thanks to Gmail.
Made out with just a friend: no.
Been cheated on: Yes, but I had found out AFTER we broke up, so it didn't phase me too much.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
What is...
What's your room like: like a basement or something
What is beside you: water, tissues, and food.
What is the last thing you ate: chicken soup
What kind of shampoo do you use: whatever's in the shower
------------------------------------------------------------
Ever Had...
Chicken pox: nope
Sore throat: yeah, right now.
Stitches: yes
Broken nose: technically
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Do You...
Believe in love at first sight: No
Like picnics: Yes
Like school: No
---------------------------------------------
Questions:
Who was the last person you called: Cat
Who was the last person you danced with: wow, that's been a long time...i seriously have no clue.
Who makes you smile: hyunsil
------------------------------------------------------------
Who...
Did you last yell at: some donk in 3-6 razz, but he didn't know it.
Broke your heart last: Cat
Told you they loved you last? Grandma
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Do you like filling these out: meh...
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses: neither
Do you like yourself: sometimes
get along with your family?: sometimes
-----------------------------------------------
What are you listening to right now: my humidifier
What did you do yesterday?: nothing.
Hated someone in your family: i hate my dad with a passion
What car do you wish to have: bmw z3
Where do you want to get married: someplace beautiful, doesn't really matter.
Good driver: yes, my Saturn wrecked itself.
Good singer: i'm a good screamer
Diamond or pearl: diamond
Indoor or outdoor: indoor
 ---------------------------------------------------------
Today did you...
1. Talk to someone you liked: yes
2. Buy something: yes
3. Get sick: yes
4. Sing: no
5. Talked to an ex: no
6. Miss someone: Yes
-----------------------------------------------------
Last person who....
10. Was in your bed?: me
11. Saw you cry: mom
12. Made you cry: Cat
13. Went to the movies with: Jake, Caleb and Ashley
14. You went to the mall with: mom
16. Ever been in a fight with your pet: when i had to put nametags on them
17. Been to California: no
18. Been to Mexico: no
19. Been to Canada: no
20. Been to Africa: no
--------------------------------------------------------
Random.....
21. Who was your first celebrity crush: Dolly Parton (sad, right?)
22. What books are you reading now: Ace on the River, Sklansky on Poker
23. Best feeling in the world: Going deep in a huge tourney for a sum of money that makes a difference to you.
24. Future KIDS names: not sure
25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: no
26. What's under your bed: nothing
27. Favorite sport to watch: hockey
28. Favorite location?: I'll go out on a limb and say Vegas.
29. Piercing/Tattoos: Neither
32. Who do you really hate?: my dad, jamie gold, kelis
33. Do you have a job?: not exactly
35. Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with? yes
37. Are you lonely right now: yes
38. Song that's stuck in your head right now: woman by wolmother
39. Have you ever played strip poker: yes, but no one wanted to play with me
40. Have you ever gotten beat up: yes
43. Have you ever been in a mosh-pit: yes
44. Ever liked someone but thought they'd never noticed you? yes
__________________________________________
random

What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: their face
Your Favorite Food?: pasta & korean food (rock the bulgogi)
Have you ever cried for no reason?: yes
Hugs or kisses?: kisses.
Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?: butter
Favorite Flower?: red roses
Have you ever fired a gun?: yes
Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car?: car
How many pillows do you sleep with: one, sometimes two.

2007 New Year Resolutions

Happy new year everyone.  It is now time for me to make my new years resolutions.  I'm actually shooting off the hip for the most part with this.

1. Start exercising again.  I definitely feel drained a lot, and I know it's due to me not getting any exercise.  I also feel my mental focus slipping, which can also be attributed to it.
2. Learn to speak Korean, at least at some level of competency.  I've been trying to learn for almost 4 years, and have really gotten nowhere.  I would definitely like to be able to speak, read, and understand it.
3. Continue improving my poker game.  It's starting to step up, but I still have a LOOOOOOOONG way to go. If I could win the WSOP Razz event, FTOPS Razz Event, and/or WCOOP Razz event this year, I would be extremely satisfied.
4. Finally get to meet Hyunsil.  Hopefully to God, if everything goes like it's SUPPOSED to, this is supposed to happen in early February.
5. Update Josh in the Ghetto regularly (updates will resume on the 2nd).
   

147 Year In Review: 2006

Wow, I almost completely forgot to do the YIR this year. Now, it's time to get busy.

Where the crap do I start? I guess in chronological order (or the best I possibly can).

It all starts on a cold rainy night in February, when Jake and I are driving out of Calltech. A large black woman, about 300 lbs, walks out in front of our car. We stop and wave her through. She gets bug-eyed and mental, stares us down like a deer caught in the headlights. Then, she does something uncharacteristic of a deer caught in the headlights. She goes into this Beyonce-esque dance sequence for 10 seconds before walking off. Ok?

That incident is still known as the Fat Beyonce incident, as it will be for the rest of our lives. Yet another reason why I wish we never created National Talk Ghetto Month. It's a curse.

Over the year, I have been chased around the house for the following items:

• A bag of potato chips
• A penny
• A frozen pizza
• A box of oreos (This chase scene was done naked)

Speaking of naked, no one will ever forget the morning I gave someone a naked wake-up call. No one will forget, because no one will ever consider asking me to give a wake-up call anymore. Which was the entire idea behind the naked wake-up call. I think I could go into business for myself with this...for a short period of time.

No one can ever forget my Verizon files, which are some of the funniest things ever. Which, the rest of them will be up in January.

Not to mention the days where I had to call Linksys over this year. All those epics will never be forgotten. They probably use my calls to desensitize their agents to screaming belligerence.

Remind me to never go to Steak 'N Shake in 2007. During this year the following happened:

• Got hit on by an emo girl.
• Got asked if I wanted to by a hip-hop CD by an emo guy.
• Almost got killed when someone in my party (who was white) said "NIGGA!" with a black guy behind us.

We must not forget the day I scared Jake to death. It was documented on FCP, and here's the full story, as this is one of the greatest things to ever happen:

So, I had a friend pick me up at work tonight, because my car's out of commission right now. As I'm getting out the doors, I see his car, sitting in front of the doors with the lights on, but I look, and he's reclined the seat, and he's asleep. And then the thoughts entered my mind. My conscience is fighting them off, screaming, "NO! HE'S GONNA KILL YOU! DON'T DO IT!"

As I approach the car, I move slowly around to the driver's side so as not to wake him. As I cross to the driver's side, I slowly creep up to the hood. I then JUMP on top of the hood, and splat my face across the windshield screaming.

He bounces up out of the seat, screaming like a five-year-old girl, and his arms are flailing around the car in God knows what directions, all the while he is hopping ON HIS ASS UP THE RECLINED SEAT. Then he realizes it's me, and the look of sheer anger pull across his face as he screams, "GET IN THE CAR DOUCHEBAG!"

Now my conscience is screaming, "I TOLD YOU, DUMBASS! BUT YOU JUST HAD TO PULL A FUNNY!"

And apparently, my shut up filter wasn't on, because as soon as I got in the car, I said, "I suppose this isn't the best time to tell you I need to go to Wal-Mart? I'm out of shampoo."

Any time after that, the only words out of his mouth was "SCREW YOU!"

So yeah, I felt bad. And it was seriously wrong. But oh my God, was it funny. I was laughing so hard on the way home that tears were streaming down my face.

By the way, he never took me to Wal-Mart. So I just "borrowed" his car and got my friggin shampoo.

This has been one of the best years in poker for me ever. Actually, it is the best year in poker for me. As has been documented, I won several tournaments this year, and finished 13th in the WCOOP Razz event. I also got a 5th place finish in a $25K guaranteed tournament just a few weeks ago. Pretty insane for me, I have been doing well making money, and feel extremely blessed.

Back to the funny. Meijer was a center of amusement. As in, Aimee almost killed me in one this year, as we discovered she is OCD when it comes to disorganized shelves at stores. Which caused me to run, nay, dance, around Meijer and move around items on the shelves. She was en route to killing me, but wasn't gaining any ground really, because she was having to stop to clean up my messes. So if Aimee ever tries to kill you, now you know how to defend against it.

Also, while Aimee was here, we invented water faucets. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Plus, let's never forget the greatest payment of a traffic ticket ever.  It was documented in this very blog.

One will also never forget my publicized IM conversations, documented in 147's Musings.

Is that it? Oh yeah, Joe's nutcracker at the card shop was quite classic. I got really used to that floor that day.

Then, JOE'S BROTHER, at the same card shop, makes a scary face at me, and then rides me like a shetland pony. Don't ask, you don't want to know.

I think that's officially it. Here's to a bizarre 2006, hopefully 2007 will be something to blog about too!

The String

I woke up today and opened my eyes
Wishing I was already dead
Wishing my life would go right
Wishing this string of hurt would just break
This string has tied itself around me
Like a tangled and twisted web
I look for a way to escape it
And I find there is none
So I struggle and fight
To break free of this string
But the struggle makes the string wrap tighter
And the fight wears me out
Is it my own fault that I'm stuck in this mess?
I wish I could point fingers, but I can't
The string points my fingers back at me
And I know it's true, I'm to blame
The string grows tighter
And drains the hope and the life out of me
I'm so tired of being tired of being stuck here
But it's all I can do until I break free
So I collapse back onto my bed
And cry myself to sleep
Maybe I'll find the scissors tomorrow

Unpaved

My heart is burning like I've never felt it burn
My soul is yearning like I've never felt it yearn
And I didn't know it was possible
I never though I was capable of this
Part of me leaps for joy
The other part tries to stay grounded
Because I know the road isn't paved yet
But never have I felt anything so splendid
Oh, how I hope that you can complete me
And how I pray to God that he'd bless me
You would be the blessing I never thought I'd attain
If everything in my life was loss, at least you would be gain
You've lifted me up when I couldn't stop falling
You took the knife from my hands when I wanted to die
You've shown me God in every word you speak
You've shown me love I never thought I could feel
I lay in bed hoping and praying
And counting my blessings
Because you wandered into my life
On an unpaved road to my heart

Sometimes: A Poem by Me

Sometimes hope goes beyond what you see
To the core of everything
Even when your heart is completely black
Hope is still lingering

Sometimes strength is unmeasurable
Sometimes we don't know our own
Sometimes the weakest among us
Is the one that moves the largest stone

Sometimes love is our rock
Sometimes we're stranded in a storm
But if we remember what love looks like
We'll never be alone

Sometimes we're understanding
Sometimes we're not
But somehow things get mended
No matter how hard we fought

Sometimes our faith is a beacon
Sometimes we can't believe
But as long as we don't give up
Hope will go beyond what we see

Linksys Will Learn Not To Send Me Surveys

Originally posted on FullContactPoker on May 19th.

So, every time I call Linksys (which is once every week it seems like now), they send me another damn survey to fill out. I refused to fill them out.

I ultimately have had it, and when the opportunity arose again, I decided to fill them out.

After giving them poor marks across the board, they give me a spot where I can type. The subject:

What can we do to improve your experience with Linksys?

You insolent fools.

So here's what I wrote:

First: Stop outsourcing to India. Second: Stop making your routers out of plastic and duct tape.

Your products are horrible. I don't know how your technical support could get any worse than the products you sell, but you succeeded in doing that. If that was your goal for the fiscal year, congratulations!

Your agents, in the 30 times that I have called Linksys or used your Live Chat in the past year, has yet to fix any of my problems. Here is usually how my Linksys router or wireless NIC has began working again:

A) It just magically starts working again (yes, this has happened
B) I finally figure out the problem while waiting TWO HOURS to get in contact with your representatives.
C) I'm on the phone with Linksys, and while they're in the process of trying to "fix my router" (by "fix my router," I do mean "screw it up worse"), I say, "I'm going to try this..." They then talk over me, start running me through needless troubleshooting steps that I told them I had already went through before I called them. I do what I suggested I do anyway, and it fixes the problem. Your representatives then claim that what they had me do fixed the problem, when the troubleshooting steps are completely irrelevant to the problem itself.
D) Linksys does succeed in "fixing my router" (once again, I mean "screw it up worse"), I have to go into either Yahoo! Chat or IRC Chat, and have them help me undo what Linksys did, and then fix my original problem. This process takes 30 seconds. I kid you not.

Today, I called, and, frustrated with the way your support agents handles things, immediately ask for a supervisor. I'm in Technical Support. I know you cannot deny a person a supervisor if they ask for one. Guess what? You're geniuses of technical support denied me a supervisor.

I don't know how you train your frontline agents, but if we were to do the things even once that your agents do regularly, we would be fired on the spot. They would take our badges, and walk us straight out of our call center's doors, and we would not be allowed back in.

Unfortunately, that is apparently not the case in India, where it seems that to be in Technical Support, all you have to do is be able to read the word, "The." If you can, you're hired, and get the pleasant opportunity of working for lower-caste slave-wages, and confuse the hell out of us people who are just trying to get our routers fixed and get on with our lives. Unfortunately, that's never possible with you. As 75% of the phone conversations with Linksys have to do with the weather in America. Like whether it's Spring or Summer in America is going to fix my router. If I want to chit-chat with someone, I'll call a friend or 1-900-SPANK-ME.

And then, at the end of call, after you either destroy my router or I fix it behind your backs, your agents have the audacity to actually tell me to spread the word about how good your products is. That'll happen about the time I get in the sack with Elton John. And seeing how I'm not gay, I guess that's not going to happen.

At work, 100% of my calls on Belkin and D-Link routers are for first-time router users that just need their modems bridged and didn't know it. 80% of the time, the reason I transfer them to above companies is because I can't go into those routers myself, because they are out of my support boundaries.

40% of my calls for Linksys routers (which I can do support on), however, are for the above reason. The other 60% are calls where my customer's router has completely had an Attention Deficit Disorder moment and refuses to work anymore. On 100% of those calls, I have to transfer them to Linksys, because I can't get the thing working. Everytime I dial that number, I say a prayer for the customer. Because I know the minefield I'm sending them to. I'm sending them to your Indian douchebags with no concept of anything except for the barometric pressure in Chicago (and why the hell all of your agents have such a hard on for finding out the forecasts in our areas, I have no idea, but every agent I speak to does this to me. For the love of God, look it up on weather.com or something).

So basically, to sum this all up, if I were given the choice between buying another Linksys product, and having my testicles ripped apart by angry sharks, I would ask if there were any other options. If there wasn't, I'd stick my nuts in the ocean, and let Jaws have at it.

Since writing this, I'm completely 100% independent of Linksys products. I run a Netgear router, and a Belkin wireless card, and have much less problems than I did with the Linksys set up.

The Verizon Files: There's No Spelling Letters

A customer calls in asking for their username and password. So i verify the billing address and start telling the username.

Me: "Your user name is as follows: The letter V as in Victor--"
Customer: "Spell that."
Me: "Oy vey. IT'S THE LETTER V! NO SPELLING!"

Later on, they start trying to connect their DSL through DIAL-UP DIALER. Man this is a smart one. So I now I get to hold their hand through setting up their modem.

Me: "Ok, let's type in 192.168.1.1 and then hit enter."
Customer: "Ok."
Me: "What does that bring up?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Me: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It loads a blank page."
Me: "Ok, click on Tools, and then Internet Options."
Customer: "Where is that at?"
Me: "It's at the top of Internet Explorer."
Customer: "I see Tools. But where is Internet Options."
Me: "..................................................................you see that after you click Tools."
Customer: "Ok."
Me: "Are we there now?"
Customer: "Yes."
Me: "Ok. Click on Delete Cookies."
Customer: "Ok."
Me: "Now, we're going to click on Delete Files, and then put a check in the box that says 'Delete all offline content.'"
Customer: "Ok."
Me: "Let me know when that gets done."
Customer: "Ok. Wait."
Me: "Ok."

Two minutes later:

Me: "Has it finished yet?"
Customer: "No."
Me: "Ok, we'll give it some more time then."

One minute later:

Customer: "Ok, it's done."
Me: "Ok, great. Click on the Security tab please."
Customer: "Wait. Damn it, it hasn't even loaded Internet Options yet."
Me: "You suck at life. I'm transferring you to Microsoft."
Customer: *whimpers* "....Ok."

There should be a noose included in our installation kits for times like these.

The Verizon Files: I retract the statement in the last one

The "Heavy and Sticky" call was not the first special call I got. I had completely forgotten about this one.

This was the second call I got ever. The lady was trying to set up her DSL. So I start going down my troubleshooting steps:

Me: Ok, what kind of DSL modem did we send you?
Customer: I don't know.
Me: Can you find out for me?
Customer: I can't.
Me: Why not?
Customer: It's not here.
Me: What do you mean, "It's not here?" (Thinking she meant her installation kit hadn't arrived yet)
Customer: I mean, I don't have it with me.
Me: Where are you ma'am?
Customer: New York City.

*looks up the billing address*

Me: Ma'am, my records indicate your DSL service is set up in Philadelphia.
Customer: That's correct.
Me: Why don't you call back when you're in Philadelphia and you have everything in front of you?
Customer: Good idea.
Me: Yeah. I thought so too.

The Verizon Files: Heavy and Sticky

**The following is actual events. Nothing here is made up.**

I haven't had too much to write about on here, so I figured I would start posting some old stories I have. This line of stories is what I call, "The Verizon Files."

In February of 2006, I gave up the dream of TP/MM (Turning Pro/Making Millions, for the non-poker players out there), and got a job at a call center doing technical support for Verizon DSL.

During the three weeks of training, our trainer continually said, "You will get some weird calls on the floor. I'm trying to prepare you for this." I think most of us shrugged it off.

Until we got out of training, and on the floor.

We started off our first week in Training Bay, also known as The Tank. This is where we take actual calls. The only calls we got in Tank were installation calls. So pretty much redundant stuff at this point.

My entire first two days of Tank were uneventful. I had absolutely no problems whatsoever with my calls.

On my last call of the third day, the crap hit the fan. I need to reiterate this fact before we begin: We have mute buttons on our headsets. This comes into play many, many, many times.

I get a call from a Spanish woman, who, naturally, wants to install her DSL. Verizon does have a Spanish support line, but at 5:30PM, the line shuts down (for siesta, one would assume). After 5:30, all Spanish calls get sent to English support. This is where Zanax becomes your best friend.

Let me explain the first step of installation to you. There are gray boxes in the installation kit called filters. These filters look like phone jacks that plug into your existing phone jacks. What you do, is you plug the filters into all of your phone jacks except the one that you will plug your DSL modem into.

Well, this lady had plugged one into the jack the modem will be going into, thus causing her not to get a DSL signal. I kindly ask her to remove it, and she obliges...kind of.

I hear her grunting and groaning in the background. Geez, is it really that hard to get it out. She's really heaving at this. By now, I'm wondering if I should call 911, when all of a sudden, I hear her say into the phone, "I can't."

"You can't?"

"No, I can't."

"Why not?"

"The filters...they're heavy...and sticky!"

...By now I'm stifling laughter. Surely I completely misheard her. Surely to God she did not say what I think she did.

"I'm sorry...what was that?"

"The filters are heavy and sticky!"

"Please hold ma'am...*mute*"

Now I am on the ground laughing my head off, mainly because of what was running through my head when she said that. I'm sure the exact same thoughts were running through your mind:

"...Just what exactly was she doing with those filters?"

By now, everyone in Tank is now looking at me, and trying to get me to tell them what's going on.

I finally got out exactly what she said, and the entire Tank erupts in laughter, all except one guy, who was bold enough to say exactly what was on my mind:

"...Just what exactly was she doing with those filters?"

We never got an answer to that question, because I suddenly hear her in the background saying, "Hello, is there anyone there who speaks Spanish? Spanish?"

I had no clue at this time that Spanish support shut down at 5:30.

"Spanish support? No problem ma'am, I'll connect you."

I hope the next ENGLISH representative she got had as much fun with that as I did.

Paying a traffic ticket: 147 style

As many may remember, in May I got a BS Traffic Ticket. I fought this all the way through court, but the cop literally lied about the entire situation, I told my side of the story, and, the court ruled against me. I had to pay my $150 traffic ticket from running a yellow light.

Naturally, I wasn't happy. Nay, I was pissed. I've been putting this off all month (my court date was Sept. 26th). Today, I had to go do it, because I wouldn't have time to any other day.

I went to the ATM machine, and got out the $150 to pay the ticket. I was about to head to the courthouse when I saw an Italian restaurant across the street from my bank, and realized I was hungry. So I stop in for some crappy chicken alfredo and a Pepsi.

While I was there, I began thinking. Naturally, I'm going to hate walking in there and paying the ticket. I then decided that I could either go in there with a sour look on my face and pay the thing, or I can go in there with a smile on my face, pay the thing, get a little vindication and stress relief, no matter how miniscule, and leave laughing my rear end off. That's when it hit me.

After I polished off the chicken alfredo, I went back across the street to my bank with my 7 $20 bills and 1 $10 bill, and walked into the office. Yes, I think you're catching on.

Teller: "How may I help you today?"
Hanguk: "I have $150 here. Can you exchange these big bills for $1 bills?"
Teller: "....sure."

She comes back 3 minutes later with 3 $50 wraps of singles. I head out of there, get into my car, unwrap the singles, and stick the entire wad into my pocket. NOW I'm on my way to the courthouse.

I get up to the clerks office, who takes my case number, then tells me that the cost is $150.

Hanguk: "No problem." *Slam wad of singles onto the counter*
Clerk: "............................................... *look of shock and despair on her face* WHAT DID YOU DO?!?!?!"

On the fly, I make up this BS story about how my band played a benefit concert to pay off my ticket at a cost of $3 per person, and we got enough to pay it off.

She then asks why I didn't exchange it at the bank.

...Well, who wants to take a big wad of cash to a bank, where those nasty robbers would be standing outside to take that wad? I figure a courthouse is MUCH safer.

She's still got that "OMGWTFBBQBARBARASTREISAND!!!1111oneoneniner!" look on her face, as she starts trying to count this wad of money. I think she forgot how, because she started counting, then started over, then started over, THEN CALLS FOR ANOTHER CLERK IN A DIFFERENT OFFICE TO COME OVER TO HELP.

While the other clerk is on her way there, she says, and I quote: "Unbelievable. I had JUST went to the bank to get $1 bills." By this point, I am now trying to hold back my laughter, because this is just too much.

The second clerk walks over, sees the wad of ones, and gets the same "OMGWTFBBQBARBARASTREISAND!!!1111oneoneniner!" look on her face, which worsens as she's told the story. They then start counting this wad of cash, and I'm dead serious, neither one of them can get over the fact that I'm paying a $150 traffic ticket in nothing but singles. They finally get up to about $50 and say, "I think we're going to come up with one-fifty," prints off my receipt, and tells me to go home and have a nice day.

That I will. It's been about 20 minutes now, and I bet they're still counting it.

Pwned? Yeah, I think so.

Reckless Abandon

Song I wrote in February.  It rings especially true over this last week or so:

(Verse 1)
I've listened to you enough
Now it's your turn not to speak
I've heard everything you have to say
Around this time last week
I'm sick of every statement
That will come through your mouth
I could say some unnecessary things
But we won't go that route
I just feel it's high time
That what I feel is said
Before I start becoming
Even more messed up in the head
So I'll pour every ounce of hate
Into every word I say
Just so you might get an idea
Of exactly how I feel today
And hopefully to God
This gets through your thick skull
So I can start to move
And make all of these thoughts null

(Chorus)
I don't need your empty promises
Or your heavy handed words
I don't need your selfishness
Or your fakey fake love
I don't need your excuses
When you fall off the wagon
All I need is to put you behind me
With reckless abandon

(Verse 2)
I don't need any more reasons
To cast you aside
Because I have my reasons
To move on with my life
And this life I talk about
Is one without you in it
Just to clarify
That means we're through, we're finished
I know I can forgive
But I sure can't forget
So I'll forgive, but never give you a chance
To make my time with you my regret
And this solution isn't temporary
It's every part of permanent
So look at me one last time
And always remember this

Repeat (Chorus)

(Bridge)
I don't want to remember you
Just go away
And maybe I won't have to
It's time to push you away
I don't need to be near you
You're no good for me
And I'm glad that you
Will no longer be a part of me

Repeat (Chorus)

Me = Unstoppable

I haven't had the sinister urge to burn my time playing non-stop poker this week. I didn't play at all Tuesday or Wednesday, I was too mopey Tuesday, and Wednesday, I felt like I got ran over. Today, I didn't feel all too well either, but I decided to play. I also played Monday, let's go ahead and start with Monday:

Monday: I played my usual Razz tournament, which got bumped from a $11 buy-in to a $22 buy-in, with the time now being pushed back an extra 15 minutes. Weird. I had a great table draw full of idiots who had no idea how to play Razz, and couldn't get the cards to take advantage of it. Out before first break.

Undeterred, I took a shower and signed up for the $5.50 HORSE tournament. Final tabled that, and finished in 3rd for $67.

I then played the $26 $20,000 Guarantee, and was out in the first hour of that.

I then played 1-2 Razz cash games, and only wound up profiting a nickel. Wheee.

Today: I started off in 2-4 Razz, and wound up playing a short session, profiting $30. I then played the $5.50 HORSE tourney again, and final tabled that again. AGAIN, I get 3rd, this time for about $78. I then played the $26 $2,000 Guarantee Razz tournament, and final tabled that. On top of that, it started before I even cashed in the HORSE tournament, so here's me trying not to fry my brain playing Stud High in HORSE, and Razz in...Razz. I did a decent job of that, but ran completely card dead at the start of the Razz tournament. Four handed in the HORSE tournament, I tripled up in the Razz tournament.

After I busted in HORSE, my focus went on the Razz tourney, all the while, I haven't peed in over two hours, and my bladder is full. So, I keep battling with my full bladder, and final table YET AGAIN! I played incredible, but lost heads up to the poker equivalent of Screech from Saved by the Bell, and netted $450 in that. For a grand total of being up over $500 today.

Does anyone wanna mess with me? I don't think so!

The Grey Room

Here's what happened to me recently, the title will make sense in a minute:

I have been doing really good in poker lately.  However, life keeps throwing me curve
after curve, none of which I can handle right now.  For instance, my mom pretty much just
disowned me this week, telling me that her relationship with her new husband, who I
refuse to grace with the title of "Stepdad," is worth enough to pretty much destroy her
relationship with me, which has been around, oh, 22 years longer.  She's called me an
embarrassment, and when told that I wanted to go back and finish college, told me I failed
previously, and I will fail now too.  And that because I was such a failure, no school would
accept me, and I would be able to get no scholarships or grants.   How's that for encouragement?

On top of that, I now have a contusion on my right tendon that I have a hard time putting
weight on my right leg at all, which is compounded by the fact that I STILL have to go to work,
and now, contend with customers calling me gimp and cripple at work.

Last Thursday, I almost committed suicide.  It took a collection of 11 friends to talk me out of it.

Things have been starting to look up.  I started on my way up to being more optimistic Saturday on, but, unfortunately, come Tuesday, that hit a wall.  During a slow moment at work, just when I thought I was starting to put things behind me, everything started showing up in my mind, and just hammering.  When I finally got back to the break room, I had my head in my arms, crying.  It's just been that hard.  They sent me home after break.

I got home, ate, and took a nap.  I then had this dream:

It's pretty much an absolute of what's been going on in my life this last week or so.  Everyone's looking down on me, and I just keep getting hammered from every angle.  I found a college that would accept me, but I didn't have enough funds to pay my way through, and couldn't find grants or scholarships to get me through.  Also throw into the mix that I was running bad in poker, with everything else going on, and I just couldn't do it anymore.  I had made up my mind, 100%.  I was going to put a bullet in my head.

I wound up in this grey room.  The floor and the ceiling were both grey.  The walls, I couldn't see, because it was dimly lit in the room, with only a small light hanging from a wire from the center of the room.  The light coming from this bulb formed a perfect circle, and within this circle of light, was a circle of boxes, one of which I knew for certain held a gun.  And that's exactly what I wanted.  I wanted to end this pain.

I got down on my knees, and started looking through these boxes, about 20 or 30 boxes in this circle, trying to find the gun.  But every box I opened had pieces of paper in the tops of them.  I wound up pulling one out, and reading it.  It was a message of encouragement for me.  But then I looked at the box again.  This note of encouragement concealed a box full of hundred dollar bills.  I can't count how many were in this box.  I kept opening boxes, and reading the notes, some from people I know, and pictured as I was reading each note, thinking, "Wow.  They actually do care?!  I thought they could've cared less;" some came from people I don't know.  Some boxes didn't contain money, but all contained words of encouragement for me.

As I kept opening these boxes, the light in the room started to grow brighter and brighter, meanwhile, I'm reading these notes and counting the money, and figuring I almost have enough money for my first semester back to school.  Then my alarm goes off, and I awake from the dream.

I know a lot of people that know me wouldn't be able to guess it by the way I've acted lately, but I used to be very religious.  I fell away from God and anything even keeping me grounded 2 years ago.  I've been off and on since, but since this last week hammered me, I've been trying to get back to where to Jesus at the core of it all.  Granted, it's an uphill battle, one compounded by my current situation, but one that I'm optimistic will finally start to bring me back to what I really need.  Call it fanatical, call it stupid, call it blind, and you may be right.  But it brings me joy.  Even through all this, I'm starting to see the joy again.  And that's good enough.

But even still, this whole situation will not stop rearing my ugly head.  And as much as I tell myself I'm not worthless, and I'm not a failure, and that God has a purpose for me, when your own mother speaks stuff like that over you, it hurts you so deep you can't even begin to rebound.  I didn't come home thinking about suicide, the thought never crossed my mind.  But as much as I knew things were going to look up soon, it still looks dim from here.

That dream, I believe, was a sign from God, that tells me, "It's dim, but not hopeless.  People still care, and people still believe you are going to succeed.  Do not give up, because your prayers will be answered, your needs will be met, and your life will get better."

And I'm not giving up.  Not now.

My lyrics game - Answers

Come on you guys.  You disgraced me!  No one responded.

I'm guess I'm not cool enough.  I feel emo, I'm going to go cut myself.

But before I do that, here are the answers:

1. "Sincerely, Ichabod" by Project 86

2. "Monday in Vegas" by Lucerin Blue

3. "Threshold" by Stavesacre

4. "A Thought Crushed My Mind" by Blindside

5. "My December" by Linkin Park

6. "Do Not" by John Reuben

7.  "Seeing Red" by Unwritten Law

8. "Privelege" by Incubus

9. "Combat Chuck" by Five Iron Frenzy

10. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana

11. "Blind" by Korn

12. "Adam's Song" by Blink-182

13. "Intergalactic" by Beastie Boys

14. "Draw the Line" by P.O.D.

15. "Downfall" by TRUSTcompany

16. "Everything Changes" by Staind

17. "Back in Black" by AC/DC

18. "These Days" by Alien Ant Farm

19. "Kenji" by Fort Minor

20. "Bounce Back" by Stacie Orrico

21. "Going Under" by Evanescence

22. "Rearranged" by Limp Bizkit

23. "Neither Rain, Nor Sleet" by Right-Hand Man

24. "Awake" by Godsmack

25. "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer

By the way, I'm not going to go cut myself.  I'm just going to go enjoy the X-Box 360 I bought for the winner AND the cookie I bought for them too. MMMMMMMM...Chocolate Chip...

 

The WCOOP Razz Event - My Night To Shine

This is a day overdue. But seriously, if you saw how wiped I was the day after this, you would understand why I haven't gotten around to typing this out until today. You're about to go through some of the highs and lows of this event with me, but guaranteed, you're going to enjoy this.

In July, in the wake of my recent success in Razz, we found out not only was PokerStars adding Razz to their spread of games, but the very first event of the World Championships of Online Poker was to be a $215 Razz event.  Naturally, I'm excited, but letdown.  I don't have the bankroll to cover that, but seriously wanted a guaranteed shot at playing.  I knew I could most likely end up spending more on satellites for the event than the buy-in itself cost.  Without any real prompting, just me stating my desire to play, people on FCP started asking to buy pieces of my action.  Within an hour, I already had everything bought up.

Unfortunately, starting in mid-August, I hit the big downswing.  You remember the post about the video gaming, you know I was doing bad at the tables.  It started looking up when I final tabled the $22 Razz event on Full Tilt, but immediately went downward after I went down 30BB in cash games.

Then I decided I would try a satellite to get myself in, so that I might have a shot of keeping my entire profit.  That happened Wednesday night, 3 days before the event.  I busted after the first break, experiencing nothing but coolers and a cold-deck and never getting my stack above 1700 from the starting 1500.  I was pissed off, and very frustrated.  I immediately told my backers not to send the money, because I wasn't playing.  I had every one of them talking me out of my decision.  Followed by a long talk with one of them, as well as Harley, I retracted the statement, and was back in.

I took Thursday and Friday night off of poker, but just chilled and talked with friends.  Everyone of them giving me positive reinforcements for Saturday.

Friday night, I told myself that I didn't care anymore if I cashed.  If the past month served correct, I wouldn't cash.  I just wanted to play the best Razz I could.  I wanted to make as few mistakes as humanly possible.  I wanted to play patient, and not try to force things, and not try to amass a huge stack early.  If I could just do all of these things, I would be happy.

I didn't sleep well Friday night.  I kept tossing and turning.  I did manage to get 9 hours in, but I don't know how.

I woke up Saturday morning a nervous wreck.  I loaded up PokerStars to prepare, and saw that the field had jumped from 300 to over 700.  My nerves immediately became more frayed.  I should've closed the lobby, but I couldn't.  I just kept watching the field grow as the time to start grew closer and closer.  Yeah, that didn't help my nerves much.

Knowing that the temperature was going to be too hot upstairs, and downstairs would be too noisy, I packed up the laptop and moved to the basement.  I knew, for the most part, I would be undisturbed down there, and I would disturb less people as well.

Registration closed at 1297 and we were on our way.  My nerves were still on the edge, as they were almost the entire tournament, but it didn't phase me.  I had seen over 10,000 hands of Razz this year.  I knew what to do almost instinctively.

The first three levels went along pretty much uneventful.  I did get a couple of bad losses, but nothing major; I was only down about 300 from my 2500 starting stack.

In the fourth level, however, came the hand of the tournament for me.  My opponent had clearly defined himself as the biggest donkey at the table.  He was capping bets with ten highs.  Any hand that had even two cards lower than a 6, he was capping on 3rd.  99 players out of 100, and this play would be horrible.  This 1 case however, it was right.  Here it is:

PokerStars Game #6309920419: Tournament #40000001, $200+$15 Razz Limit - Level IV (60/120) - 2006/09/16 - 18:12:35 (ET)
Table '40000001 95' 8-max
Seat 1: vesap (2901 in chips)
Seat 2: jdchance (2258 in chips)
Seat 3: jac33142 (1461 in chips)
Seat 4: HangukMiguk (2376 in chips)
Seat 5: jester710 (2404 in chips)
Seat 6: 9_balla (3809 in chips)
Seat 7: PAMPERCHEF (1526 in chips)
Seat 8: songwebb (3265 in chips)
vesap: posts the ante 12
jdchance: posts the ante 12
jac33142: posts the ante 12
HangukMiguk: posts the ante 12
jester710: posts the ante 12
9_balla: posts the ante 12
PAMPERCHEF: posts the ante 12
songwebb: posts the ante 12
*** 3rd STREET ***
Dealt to vesap [4s]
Dealt to jdchance [8s]
Dealt to jac33142 [Jd]
Dealt to HangukMiguk [6h 5d 3h]
Dealt to jester710 [Tc]
Dealt to 9_balla [2d]
Dealt to PAMPERCHEF [8c]
Dealt to songwebb [7h]
jac33142: brings-in low 18
HangukMiguk: raises 42 to 60
jester710: folds
9_balla: folds
PAMPERCHEF: folds
songwebb: folds
vesap: raises 60 to 120
jdchance: folds
jac33142: folds
HangukMiguk: raises 60 to 180
vesap: raises 60 to 240
Betting is capped
HangukMiguk: calls 60
*** 4th STREET ***
Dealt to vesap [4s] [6s]
Dealt to HangukMiguk [6h 5d 3h] [Ah]
HangukMiguk: bets 60
vesap: raises 60 to 120
HangukMiguk: raises 60 to 180
vesap: calls 60
*** 5th STREET ***
Dealt to vesap [4s 6s] [Jh]
Dealt to HangukMiguk [6h 5d 3h Ah] [Qd]
vesap: bets 120
HangukMiguk: raises 120 to 240
vesap: raises 120 to 360
HangukMiguk: raises 120 to 480
Betting is capped
vesap: calls 120
*** 6th STREET ***
Dealt to vesap [4s 6s Jh] [Qs]
Dealt to HangukMiguk [6h 5d 3h Ah Qd] [Js]
HangukMiguk: bets 120
vesap: raises 120 to 240
HangukMiguk: raises 120 to 360
vesap: raises 120 to 480
Betting is capped
HangukMiguk: calls 120
*** RIVER ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [6h 5d 3h Ah Qd Js] [3d]
HangukMiguk: checks
vesap: bets 120
HangukMiguk: calls 120
*** SHOW DOWN ***
vesap: shows [2c Ts 4s 6s Jh Qs Kh] (Lo: J,T,6,4,2)
HangukMiguk: shows [6h 5d 3h Ah Qd Js 3d] (Lo: J,6,5,3,A)
HangukMiguk collected 3114 from pot

My push on 3rd is standard play for me.  Even if it wasn't, I would be pushing this hand on 3rd against him.  I catch perfect on 4th, and push again.  I brick on 5th, but he is showing Jack high.  I am a clear favorite to draw out on him here, so a push is natural.  Once again, I brick on 6th, but I know he's still only got Jack high.  I bet here knowing that 60% of the time, I'm ahead, and even if I'm not, I have a very good chance of drawing out.  I'm shocked he continued to push this hand on 6th, but like I said, he wasn't the brightest bulb there.

EDIT--10/12/2006:  I just finally bit the bullet and ran some calculations on the hand above just to see if my on the spot odds were close.  I had my opponent on a range of hands where I could expect him to cap bets with three cards to a ten, as long as two of them where lower than five.  So, here's the odds from each street, with his exact hand, seeing as I could put him on something like this:

3rd street: I'm a 59% favorite.
4th street: I'm a 68% favorite.
5th street: I'm a 64% favorite, even though I don't currently hold the best hand.
6th street: I'm a 71% favorite.  I was off on my calculations there, I was an even bigger favorite in the hand than I thought, but like I had said, I knew even if he improved, or if I was wrong, I had a good chance at a redraw here.  Even at 60% against him, I push here.  But 70+% in Razz makes the push 50 times more correct.
7th street: I'm a lock (duh).  Had I have improved to an 8 or 7, given the range of hands I put the vesap on, I would even cap here.

I almost threw up when I bricked the river.  But I'm priced in on 7th (I'm getting 25:1 odds on my call, this is a no-brainer call, there's no hands here that I can fold this to), and there's a very good chance against him that my hand wins.  When I saw that I was, in fact, the winner, I almost jumped through the ceiling.

I got moved to another table.  Nothing really interesting happened here, just my chip stack bouncing up and down a bit.  There was a massive thread on FCP'ers progress on FCP.  
I read through this yesterday, and discovered that I was seated at a table with Annie Duke.  I
had no clue, and honestly, it wouldn't have mattered much.

I wound up getting moved again, eventually landing at a table that absolutely shocked me.  I got seated to the immediate right of 1983 World Champion Tom McEvoy.  You dream about playing the names you see in the books and on TV, but when it happens, it catches you off guard.  What really was shocking was when this happened just about six hands after I joined the table:

PokerStars Game #6311456791: Tournament #40000001, $200+$15 Razz Limit - Level VIII (200/400) - 2006/09/16 - 20:33:02 (ET)
Table '40000001 141' 8-max
Seat 1: pios31 (6841 in chips)
Seat 2: Jack3-9-95 (5233 in chips)
Seat 3: zblazer (17512 in chips)
Seat 4: gator93 (3056 in chips)
Seat 5: LucasMarcano (5046 in chips)
Seat 6: ElMastermind (1395 in chips)
Seat 7: HangukMiguk (3109 in chips)
Seat 8: Tom McEvoy (1512 in chips)
pios31: posts the ante 40
Jack3-9-95: posts the ante 40
zblazer: posts the ante 40
gator93: posts the ante 40
LucasMarcano: posts the ante 40
ElMastermind: posts the ante 40
HangukMiguk: posts the ante 40
Tom McEvoy: posts the ante 40
*** 3rd STREET ***
Dealt to pios31 [9d]
Dealt to Jack3-9-95 [9s]
Dealt to zblazer [2d]
Dealt to gator93 [Qd]
Dealt to LucasMarcano [9c]
Dealt to ElMastermind [9h]
Dealt to HangukMiguk [2s 5c 8c]
Dealt to Tom McEvoy [5s]
gator93: brings-in low 60
LucasMarcano: folds
ElMastermind: folds
HangukMiguk: raises 140 to 200
Tom McEvoy: raises 200 to 400
pios31: folds
Jack3-9-95: folds
zblazer: folds
gator93: folds
HangukMiguk: calls 200
*** 4th STREET ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [2s 5c 8c] [3h]
Dealt to Tom McEvoy [5s] [As]
Tom McEvoy: bets 200
HangukMiguk: raises 200 to 400
Tom McEvoy: raises 200 to 600
HangukMiguk: raises 200 to 800
Betting is capped
Tom McEvoy: calls 200
*** 5th STREET ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [2s 5c 8c 3h] [6s]
Dealt to Tom McEvoy [5s As] [Qc]
HangukMiguk: bets 400
Tom McEvoy: calls 272 and is all-in
*** 6th STREET ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [2s 5c 8c 3h 6s] [Kc]
Dealt to Tom McEvoy [5s As Qc] [3c]
*** RIVER ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [2s 5c 8c 3h 6s Kc] [2h]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
HangukMiguk: shows [2s 5c 8c 3h 6s Kc 2h] (Lo: 8,6,5,3,2)
Tom McEvoy: shows [4d 3s 5s As Qc 3c Ac] (Lo: Q,5,4,3,A)
zblazer said, "brick"
HangukMiguk collected 3324 from pot

That's right, I busted him.  That was a confidence booster.  I got slightly lucky here, but not so much.  He was short on chips, so he was prone to make a move here no matter what.  I put him on that range of a hand, but can't fold 3rd with only one visible out gone (two or three if I'm right about McEvoy's hand).  I caught great on 4th, and was drawing to two visible outs gone.  I capped it, which is probably a mistake, but it didn't feel wrong at the time.  I knew he was going to get all the money in somewhere down the line, and I would end up being committed to the pot regardless.

Once again, I catch good on fifth, and we get it in.  My read was in fact correct, but this hand isn't over yet.  I now have to fade a 2, 8, 7, or 6 to win.  McEvoy was drawing to 15 outs at the time, about 2.5-1 to win this hand.  Luckily, brick brick for my win and a huge confidence booster.  Not a lot of people can say they busted a World Champion, and I can.

A little later, zblazer at this table proved himself to be a Razz donkey. I know this because he showed little respect for completions, calling them with King highs, calling down with the worst of it, then miraculously making his hand on the river.  I wound up nicknaming him Ricky Zilem, naturally.

Call it karmic, call it donkey play, whatever, but as he had once sucked out on me, I did the same on him in the following hand:

PokerStars Game #6312001451: Tournament #40000001, $200+$15 Razz Limit - Level IX (300/600) - 2006/09/16 - 21:21:03 (ET)
Table '40000001 141' 8-max
Seat 1: pios31 (2752 in chips)
Seat 2: Jack3-9-95 (5703 in chips)
Seat 3: zblazer (25438 in chips)
Seat 4: TheRoll (4731 in chips)
Seat 5: LucasMarcano (8576 in chips)
Seat 6: ElMastermind (3124 in chips)
Seat 7: HangukMiguk (2521 in chips)
Seat 8: Bakane (5499 in chips)
pios31: posts the ante 60
Jack3-9-95: posts the ante 60
zblazer: posts the ante 60
TheRoll: posts the ante 60
LucasMarcano: posts the ante 60
ElMastermind: posts the ante 60
HangukMiguk: posts the ante 60
Bakane: posts the ante 60
*** 3rd STREET ***
Dealt to pios31 [3c]
Dealt to Jack3-9-95 [2s]
Dealt to zblazer [2h]
Dealt to TheRoll [2c]
Dealt to LucasMarcano [4d]
Dealt to ElMastermind [7h]
Dealt to HangukMiguk [7c Ac 2d]
Dealt to Bakane [Ks]
Bakane: brings-in low 90
pios31: folds
Jack3-9-95: raises 210 to 300
zblazer: calls 300
TheRoll: folds
LucasMarcano: calls 300
ElMastermind: folds
HangukMiguk: raises 300 to 600
Bakane: folds
Jack3-9-95: calls 300
zblazer: calls 300
LucasMarcano: calls 300
*** 4th STREET ***
Dealt to Jack3-9-95 [2s] [8s]
Dealt to zblazer [2h] [9c]
Dealt to LucasMarcano [4d] [3d]
Dealt to HangukMiguk [7c Ac 2d] [Ah]
HangukMiguk: bets 300
Jack3-9-95: calls 300
zblazer: calls 300
LucasMarcano: calls 300
*** 5th STREET ***
Dealt to Jack3-9-95 [2s 8s] [9d]
Dealt to zblazer [2h 9c] [5h]
Dealt to LucasMarcano [4d 3d] [Tc]
Dealt to HangukMiguk [7c Ac 2d Ah] [7d]
HangukMiguk: bets 600
Jack3-9-95: folds
zblazer: raises 600 to 1200
LucasMarcano said, "????????"
LucasMarcano: folds
HangukMiguk said, "time to get lucky against zilem"
HangukMiguk: raises 361 to 1561 and is all-in
zblazer: calls 361
*** 6th STREET ***
Dealt to zblazer [2h 9c 5h] [Kc]
Dealt to HangukMiguk [7c Ac 2d Ah 7d] [Qc]
*** RIVER ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [7c Ac 2d Ah 7d Qc] [Ts]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
zblazer: shows [5c 6c 2h 9c 5h Kc Kd] (Lo: K,9,6,5,2)
HangukMiguk: shows [7c Ac 2d Ah 7d Qc Ts] (Lo: Q,T,7,2,A)
HangukMiguk collected 7292 from pot

When both those Kings peeled off for him, I was running around the basement screaming.  I was back in business thanks to a very lucky draw against a donkey.

Things kept going and going, and the bubble kept drawing closer.  Two FCP'ers left (me and scottyno, the two big razz heads on FCP), and one other member from AJPoker, BobbyDigg, who also plays Razz exceptionally well.  Come to find out, there were 30+ members in the AJPoker chat room watching me and Bobby play (a first for AJ).  I kept accumulating chips, and started seeing a TON of railers coming my way.

Unfortunately for scottyno, he got a cold deck and some really bad luck.  He squeezed through to the bubble, and busted on an unlucky hand shortly after, leaving me and BobbyDigg left.

After the bubble burst, it was just a blur.  My heart was racing, as well as my mind, as I kept playing my A game.  Like most of my tournament, my stack fluctuated a lot, incurring a lot of bad beats, and a lot of big hands where I made some monsters.  At no point in this tournament, did I steam.  I never tilted, my focus was so high that I didn't even have to tell myself to calm down after a losing hand.  I was already calm.

The night I won the $11 tournament on Full Tilt, I told Harley something in response to how fast I was processing the information and reacting to it.  I simply said, "I am a machine."  Saturday, that's what it felt like.  My only job was to play my hands exactly how I know to play them, react to the changing situations, and react quickly.  I never once used my timebank.  I didn't need it.  I reacted instinctively, and almost immediately to every action made in the game.  It wasn't that I was rushing myself either.  I had already though through the situations before they arose, and then did exactly what I thought was the right option in the given situation.

Before I knew it, we were down to 30 players.  I was fighting back the tears of joy, remember that I still had a job to do.  By this time, the nerves wore off, and shortly after, BobbyDigg busted, leaving me the only one left representing both AJPoker and FCP.  After Bobby busted, I truly felt that I was the best player left in the field.  If I didn't screw up, and I didn't get horrendously unlucky, I would make the final table.  If I made the final table, I knew I would win.  There wasn't even a question in my mind about that.

Unfortunately, I did get unlucky with 13 players left in the tournament.  These following two hands were back to back:

PokerStars Game #6315549517: Tournament #40000001, $200+$15 Razz Limit - Level XIX (10000/20000) - 2006/09/17 - 02:58:18 (ET)
Table '40000001 42' 8-max
Seat 1: HangukMiguk (153192 in chips)
Seat 2: FellKnight (273728 in chips)
Seat 3: BadgerDawg (214776 in chips)
Seat 4: debrisfish (215564 in chips)
Seat 5: 2badd4u (348993 in chips)
Seat 7: TS Long (321433 in chips)
HangukMiguk: posts the ante 2000
FellKnight: posts the ante 2000
BadgerDawg: posts the ante 2000
debrisfish: posts the ante 2000
2badd4u: posts the ante 2000
TS Long: posts the ante 2000
*** 3rd STREET ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [7h 5s 4d]
Dealt to FellKnight [9c]
Dealt to BadgerDawg [Qs]
Dealt to debrisfish [Ac]
Dealt to 2badd4u [2c]
Dealt to TS Long [4c]
BadgerDawg: brings-in low 3000
debrisfish: folds
2badd4u: raises 7000 to 10000
TS Long: folds
HangukMiguk: calls 10000
FellKnight: folds
BadgerDawg: folds
*** 4th STREET ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [7h 5s 4d] [8d]
Dealt to 2badd4u [2c] [9s]
HangukMiguk: bets 10000
2badd4u: calls 10000
*** 5th STREET ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [7h 5s 4d 8d] [Kh]
Dealt to 2badd4u [2c 9s] [5c]
2badd4u: bets 20000
HangukMiguk: raises 20000 to 40000
2badd4u: raises 20000 to 60000
HangukMiguk: raises 20000 to 80000
Betting is capped
2badd4u: calls 20000
*** 6th STREET ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [7h 5s 4d 8d Kh] [7d]
Dealt to 2badd4u [2c 9s 5c] [2h]
HangukMiguk: bets 20000
2badd4u: calls 20000
*** RIVER ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [7h 5s 4d 8d Kh 7d] [Qd]
HangukMiguk: checks
2badd4u: checks
*** SHOW DOWN ***
HangukMiguk: shows [7h 5s 4d 8d Kh 7d Qd] (Lo: Q,8,7,5,4)
2badd4u: shows [3s 8c 2c 9s 5c 2h 6d] (Lo: 8,6,5,3,2)
2badd4u collected 255000 from pot

I was right to push on 5th street.  I was not drawing bad, and I was drawing better than a nine-high.  I am a slight favorite there.  When he paired up on 6th, and I hit what couldn't have looked like a brick to him, I was hoping he'd fold.  I would've bet if I had hit on 7th, only to still lose the hand.  Even still, if I bet on the bluff, I'm almost certain he calls with nine-high.   I was going to have to double up several times no matter what after this.  I'd rather save a bet, and make sure if I do double up, I get more chips.

EDIT 10/22/2006: I got a ton of feedback and flack from people about how I played this hand.  So I've decided to give a breakdown starting from every street:

3rd Street: I'm up against the lowest card on the board (now that the ace in front of him folded), who completes.  The four folds, and here I am with 754.  This is not a powerful seven, but it's not a terrible hand, and in a situation like this, I'm more than happy to see what develops.  Naturally, his complete after the low door folds could be more of an auto-completion than anything, but I won't find that out unless I raise.  However, this hand is vulnerable enough as it is, and I don't want to price myself into a hairy situation on later streets, so I opt to call.  Throwing this away is a BIG mistake FYI, with only two outs folded up, this is one of the best situations you can find for this hand.  (Position on 3rd: 56% favorite)

4th Street: This is about as bittersweet a street as it can be.  I hit an out, however it is an eight.  I'd prefer to see an ace or a deuce, or even a three, to make my decision easier, and the former two kills some of the dead outs I had.  However, the key thing that makes this street good is that the villain hits a 9.  I now know I'm improving to be a clear favorite in the hand, no matter what his down cards are.  This is an obvious bet here.  If he folds, he was on an auto-complete on 3rd.  If he calls, this hand has a potential for an explosion.  And he calls, so get your helmets on.  (Position on 4th: 62% favorite)

5th Street: Here's the street I got the most flack on.  I brick out with a King, and he improves to what appears to be (and probably is) a made nine.  At this point, I am only seeing 2 outs gone that effect my hand, and the 5 didn't hurt my hand either.  I push this pot and see what happens.  By doing this, I A) build up a pot for when I do hit my hand, and B) give myself odds to see 7th if I don't improve, but he doesn't improve to where I'm drawing dead.  And like I did mention before, USUALLY a draw to a hand better than a nine is better than a made nine.  I say USUALLY, because after doing
calculations on this hand, I was actually a 2:1 underdog.  oops.  make that mistake #6 for me.

Scottyno actually told me I could've saved a couple bets on 5th street here.  After seeing the up cards and running calculations on the hand, I agree.  On the fly, that's not an easy decision.  Without knowing what the actual downcards are, I can only go by the outs that I see missing from the board.

Plus, you have to factor in that players will play their boards more often than not, so he could 
just as easily have paired up somewhere and only be representing the hand on his board.  I am also in a position where I have to make a decision: do I want to play to move up the payscale, or do I want to win?  Just cashing, for me, was a good result here, and I did not want to tighten up strictly to move up the payscale.  Given all the factors above, plus my desire to win, I needed to accumulate chips.  Winning this hand, and extracting maximum value (doubling up) would give me around 311,000 in chips (around 15.5BB), whereas tightening up leaves me with around 5BB.  I'm going to have to make a move, and this felt like the time.  If I just call here, I am in a worse position to extract maximum value here.  Say I call here, call 6th, hit the river, and he misses.  He may continue to fire out on the river, and if I raise, he'll most likely opt to flat call.  Or, he may cease betting, and opt to check/call any bet I make on the river.  Both scenarios do not give me maximum value on the hand.

Now, if I cap here, miss, call 6th, and hit 7th, and he misses, he's committed to calling off the rest of my stack on 7th even if he thinks he's beat.

Also, you have to factor in that if I hit either street, that makes his odds of hitting a hand to beat me decrease.  Not only does it change it, it changes the percentages DRAMATICALLY.  Thus, say, I hit the Ah on 6th this time, and he hits the same card on 6th, I am now a 77% favorite to win the hand.  He is also now priced in to try to hit a better 8 than me, with me still drawing live to a 7 high on 7th.

6th Street: Instead, I hit the 7d, and he also pairs.  Like I said above, he bricks, and I "hit."  As far as he knows, I made an 874 low.  He may decide here, after I portrayed a strong draw to lower than a 98 on 5th street, that he doesn't want to continue this hand, but considering my stack, I wouldn't fault his call either; he's pretty much committed himself to this hand. (Percentages: I'm 23% to win)

7th Street: Alas, I brick.  There's nothing I can do to win this pot, as he's priced in with a made nine (which I'm certain he has...at least), and if he makes a made eight or lower, and I bet, he raises me for my last few chips.  I can't even call a bet from him if he makes it here.  I check, and much to my shock, he checks behind me after improving to an eight, knowing I hold at best now an 87 low.  That check means nothing more than that.  If I bet, I'm committed to calling off my remaining chips anyway, so why check/raise?  If I even made a nine, I would surmise that I would go ahead and bet it in, because I'd almost have to call there just from the price I'm getting on it.  This was strictly a check to save chips from missing my hand.  If he bets, he doesn't have to showdown his hand, which means none of his opponents could get any more information on how he plays from him.  But either way, I'm shutdown on this hand. Check or check/fold are my only options, and hope that I have some chances to mount a comeback.

But the next hand says it all:

PokerStars Game #6315555180: Tournament #40000001, $200+$15 Razz Limit - Level XIX (10000/20000) - 2006/09/17 - 02:59:16 (ET)
Table '40000001 42' 8-max
Seat 1: HangukMiguk (31192 in chips)
Seat 2: FellKnight (271728 in chips)
Seat 3: BadgerDawg (209776 in chips)
Seat 4: debrisfish (213564 in chips)
Seat 5: 2badd4u (481993 in chips)
Seat 7: TS Long (319433 in chips)
HangukMiguk: posts the ante 2000
FellKnight: posts the ante 2000
BadgerDawg: posts the ante 2000
debrisfish: posts the ante 2000
2badd4u: posts the ante 2000
TS Long: posts the ante 2000
*** 3rd STREET ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [8s 4c 6h]
Dealt to FellKnight [8d]
Dealt to BadgerDawg [Jh]
Dealt to debrisfish [Qd]
Dealt to 2badd4u [Kd]
Dealt to TS Long [7d]
2badd4u: brings-in low 3000
TS Long: folds
HangukMiguk: raises 7000 to 10000
FellKnight: raises 10000 to 20000
BadgerDawg: folds
debrisfish: folds
2badd4u: folds
HangukMiguk: raises 9192 to 29192 and is all-in
FellKnight: calls 9192
*** 4th STREET ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [8s 4c 6h] [8h]
Dealt to FellKnight [8d] [Kh]
*** 5th STREET ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [8s 4c 6h 8h] [8c]
Dealt to FellKnight [8d Kh] [Qs]
*** 6th STREET ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [8s 4c 6h 8h 8c] [7c]
Dealt to FellKnight [8d Kh Qs] [Js]
*** RIVER ***
Dealt to HangukMiguk [8s 4c 6h 8h 8c 7c] [7s]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
HangukMiguk: shows [8s 4c 6h 8h 8c 7c 7s] (Lo: 7,7,8,6,4)
FellKnight: shows [9d 6d 8d Kh Qs Js 4s] (Lo: J,9,8,6,4)
HangukMiguk said, "gg"
FellKnight collected 73384 from pot
FellKnight said, "gg"

If I didn't pair up, hit a King or a Queen on the river, I double up.  Unfortuantely, I did hit a boat, and was out.  And it was over, just like that.  I wasn't upset, I didn't get angry.  I was just in shock.  In a field of almost 1300 players, I finished 13th.  The top 1% of the field.  The total cash was $2075.20.  After paying my backers, I walked away with just $0.14 shy of $1100.

After vowing I wouldn't play, I went on to conquer this field, and absolutely leave my peers on FCP an AJPoker in awe.  I left myself in awe.  I just stood there seeing my name on the leaderboard, just in shock at what I had just accomplished, because six people on FCP had faith in me enough to stake me in this tournament, and felt like I deserved my chance to play it.  I had busted a world champion, and made enough to move up a level in Razz.  I got to live a dream.  It wasn't the one where I walk away with the bracelet and the $58,000.  But it was exactly what I said I would  be happy with Friday night.  And I was true to my word.  I made maybe 5 mistakes in the tournament.  Out of over 700 hands dealt to me, I am proud of that.

My birthday is on Tuesday.  What a birthday present I was able to give myself.  This is an experience I will never forget.  Ever.

I'm fully convinced of it now.

I am not supposed to win an AJPoker game. Ever. Not even if I paid them off to win it would I win it.

That is all.

My Sendoff To Those I Could've Known

First song I've written in a while.

I have all this pain bottled up
And I'm wanting to uncork it
But I'll just put it away
And leave my burdens unsorted
And you know how I feel
But I won't let you in
Everyone knows how I feel
But I won't let them in

And if I could just trust someone
Maybe I would be fine

I'm sitting here watching my blood boil
Rotting away
Knowing you could help me find my way
I'm sitting here watching my wounds
Pour out to the ground
Thinking I'm better off this way

All my hurt gathers up in my mind
If I could just break through
And release, and unwind
Maybe I could start anew
But you know I can never let it out
That just isn't my style
Maybe things will just sort themselves out
In a little while

And if I could just trust someone
Maybe I would be fine

I'm sitting here watching my blood boil
Rotting away
Knowing you could help me find my way
I'm sitting here watching my wounds
Pour out to the ground
Thinking I'm better off this way

Now I'm sitting here with this gun to my head
And these pills in my hand
And we all know where this will end
If only I trusted
Someone at all
I wouldn't be facing this bitter end

I'm sitting here watching my blood boil
Rotting away
Knowing you could help me find my way
I'm sitting here watching my wounds
Pour out to the ground
Thinking I'm better off this way 

Who's Hardcore? My Lyrics Game

Just because I'm absolutely bored tonight.  I'm going to give you a series of song lyrics.  You have to e-mail me the song title along with the artist's name.  I don't expect anyone to get all of them, but good luck anyway! Who knows?  I might be cool and send the winner something cool.

Now, this will go through the depths of my music knowledge too, so be prepared for a challenge.

Here goes:

1. Since we're the ones
Who occupy this temple
We'll be the ones
Who'll show you out

2. You leave me exhausted
And that's what I miss

3. go ahead flash your smile
a season of fattening
prime of the canine
and swine-bred children of guile
carry on, carry on

4. Crawling again
The heart is screaming with a smile
Pride says no because of the stain
The heart pounds for love, pride says no
Because of what the heart is longing for
I'm not sure, I'm not sure I want to be a man anymore

5. And I
Just wish that I didn't feel like there was something I missed
And I
Take back all the things I said to make you feel like that

6. lack of understanding lack of communication
lack of a desire for expanding education
lack of inspiration lack of innovation
the fact you can't respect another mans creation

7. So follow the leader down
And swallow your pride and drown
When there's no place left to go
Maybe that's when you will know

8. I see you in line dragging your feet
You have my sympathy

9. There's some kids there in some trouble,
need a Pepsi on the double.
Then he shouts, not so quiet,
"Would you like regular or diet?"

10. With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us

11. This place inside my mind, a place I like to hide
You don't know the chances. What if I should die?!

12. I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never set foot in my room again

13. If you try to knock me you'll get mocked
I'll stir fry you in my wok
Your knees'll start shaking and your fingers pop
Like a pinch on the neck of Mr. Spock

14. Brothers & Sisters
We're gonna draw the line to make people change
But yo I'm opitmistic, down with positivity
This is a struggle so prepare to fight

15. Fall back on me, and I’ll be the strength I need,
to save me now, just come face to face with me

16. I am the mess you chose
The closet you cannot close
The devil in you i suppose
'Cause the wounds never heal

17. Back in the back
Of a cadillac
Number one with a bullet, I’m a power pack

18. Playing all these games and, I wonder who's to blame it.
I sit and think it's you, I'm sure the feelings mutual.

19. He lived on the second floor of a little store he ran,
He moved to LA from Japan,
They called him 'Immigrant,'
In Japanese, he'd say he was called "Issei,"

20. You blew my mind in to a million pieces
Pushed You aside
And still You got my back

21. Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once

22. Life is overwhelming
Heavy is the head that wears the crown
I'd love to be the one to disappoint you when I don't fall down

23. Sorry goes as far as you let it
And I can forgive, but I can't forget
So you can walk all over me again

24. Take another second
Turn your back on me
And make believe
That you'll always have me

25. Give me a song, or rhythm
Makin em sweat
Thats what Im giving em
Now they know

I'll give you about a week or so to respond, whoever gets the most wins.  I'll post the answers when the game is over.

Up the count

As of tonight:

total # of AJpoker games played: 50
total # of cashes: 23
total # of final tables: 10
total # of wins: ZERO

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