The week of me getting run over by an 18-wheeler constantly

This week, my poker game has been totally off. Almost every tournament I entered I lost. I was constantly getting sucked out on by horrible players. There's one hand I remember oh so clearly where my three Queens got beat out by some shman holding a 2-4 offsuit who got his straight on the river that knocked me out of the tournament. Of course, that would've never happened if I hadn't been stupid and bet out on pocket 3s when I knew (and I really did know, I just could NOT for the life of me, drag the pointer to the check button, instead, I just bet until I had the player all in with a hand he was not going anywhere with) I was beat.

I've thought about taking a break next week. But there's so many league games that I need to play that I'm not. So I'm just taking a step back in reflecting on why I didn't play so well.

One reason could be because I'm preoccupied with other things. I'm currently building two Raw Deal decks, considering a third, getting ready for a Raw Deal tournament Sunday. On top of that, I'm building a computer program that will allow me to have all my poker clients running on my Linux computer at the same time, and will also be able to be used on Windows and Macintosh, to make every internet poker player's life easier. I just kind of rule that one out, because I'm usually multitasking while playing poker. And that in itself is due in large part to a friend who always messages me even after I tell said friend I'm playing poker, and then after I tell said friend to leave me alone until I'm done playing, so said friend just starts sending five messages per second till I want to kill said friend. Yeah, I got sidetracked on that one.

I think it's that my sleep pattern has been entirely disrupted. I don't know why, but started pulling all nighters again. I have won a tournament after an all-nighter, but that's only one. But I ran well all last week when I was getting to bed around midnight, and waking up at about 9 or 10. I won a tournament, and placed in the money 5 more times, if memory serves me right.

Or maybe I've just got a lot of pent up frustration this week that is getting in the way of keeping a clear head at the table. I don't know about this one, but I know there's a lot of people that have been really irritating me this week, and that could be it.

Or maybe it's just because I didn't break any appendages this week.

I don't know what's the cause yet, but I know something's wrong, considering I've only placed in the money once.

Well, I've got 5 minutes left till I start in at 24hPoker.com in their 5-Card Draw tournament. So I will close for now.

Ok, so I just realized it...
Sometime's I'm a little slow on the uptake. In February, a friend of mine asked if she could have her own board on our message boards. I ok'ed it. Well, just two months later, I finally looked in there, and realized it.
She talked me into giving her that board so that she could have her own private blog!
I got owned.

Pitching to Ben & Jerry's

If this week hasn't sucked...

Ok, I broke up with my g/f this week. Yeah it sucks, I hate breaking up with people. I'm amazingly bad at it, considering the amount of times I've gotten dumped in my life, I should know all the lines.

Tuesday, I lock myself out of the freakin house going to get the mail, and had to wait for my friend's brother to get home. Just peachy.

Well, Wednesday I break my toe. I kid you not.

Thursday I go to Barnes & Noble, and try to get Startbucks with a Starbucks gift card someone gave me, and they told me they can't accept it.

And today was just boring.

Oh well, at least I still have Jesus & Poker.

I won a small chunk of change on Ultimate Bet Wednesday during the fiasco of breaking my toe. Then I won a freeroll on Banner Poker that night, winning $15.

Playing through pain is cool.

Yeah, I'm lazy. Yes I forgot to post on my blog. So, let's see, what do I have to say?

Well, I finally have a poker bankroll. Just a few lucky spots, and I'm up to a whopping $7 in my poker accounts. Wooohoo. Well, it should help out. That's all I needed to start building. And who knows where it'll go from there?

Yeah, so this is my new blogger, I only got it because I can run it with gaim. So yeah, that's about it right now. I'll write more when I'm more awake.

The Legend of Thong Face

Okay, so Jake came down for the weekend. Me, him, and Jonathan always chill when he comes down. Around this time, Jonathan decided he's an emcee, and decided to battle me on my boards. So i did. And he's been spanked. So as a consolation prize, Jake and I decided that we need to buy him something. So we went into Wal-Mart, left Jonathan in the car, got the packs of poker chips Jonathan and I need for the tournament we're having this weekend. Then we went to get his prize...a thong. We took it out to him, and he threw it back in my face. that's when I got an evil idea...and when i get an evil idea....things....happen....

So here we are, at Taco Bell. I'm standing outside, and Jake and Buckman walk in. They have a walkie-talkie, and so do I. They walk up the counter, start placing an order, and hit the call button on the walkie-talkie, signalling me to come in. I run in there with the thong on my face, and jump around behind them, then run out of there. They're standing in there pretending that they're wondering what the crap just happened, when the manager's like "did you see the guy run in here with the panties on his head?" But it didn't stop there...

Cue us up at Hardee's, Jake and Jonathan are going through the drive thru, and buzz me in, I run in one door, do the exact same thing, walk out the door closest to the drive thru, get back in the car...when they drive off (i'm in the back seat, mind you), i poke my head up, scare the drive thru attendant half to death...now everyone at hardee's thinks i'm omnipresent.

BUT IT DOES NOT END THERE.

Now, here we are at Kroger's drive up gas island. We stop there, don't even get gas. I crawl up under the window. Jake walks up to the window and asks the attendant what the cheapest brand of cigarettes they sell is. She turns around to look, and I pop my head up over the counter, with the thong on my head and a wide-eyed expression on my face, like I just got beamed down from another planet or something. She turns around...and the look on her face...I think she thought she was about to get jacked. I was gonna take the act a little bit further and start tapping on the glass, but after seeing the look on her face, I couldn't stop laughing...I dropped back down out of view, and just started cackling. Jake's trying to pretend nothing happened, and ask about the cigarettes, but then he doubled over at the counter, laughing his face off. I run back over to the car, where jonathan's still trying to come over to the island, about ready to die from laughing, and trying to tell him what happened. It must've been five minutes later before Jake mustered up enough strength to stop laughing and come back to home base.

So then we stop and mcdonald's and meet up with Whittney. she buys a happy meal, and gives us the prize...which i somehow use to make jake die laughing over cellulite. It was that little baby Princess Jasmine doll. Those who know the Steve story should understand this. Here's a dialog that made Jake snot Coke:

(While using doll as a puppet) "Hi, my name is Steve. Would you like to see my cellulite? I know you want to see my cellulite!" *then i lift up her hair, and point to her neck, as Jake is telling me to shut up* "Cellulite!"

then Whittney gets harrassed by her ex-boyfriend. so as we're driving off, we honk at them, while i'm sitting in the backseat, again with the thong on my face.

now it's time to hide the evidence. so on the way to jonathan's house, we stop at the local pharmacist's house, and i get out, and shove the thong in his mailbox. as i look back to the car, jake and jonathan are pulling off, because a car is coming, and they're scared it's the cops, so i take off running after them, open the back seat door, and jump in like it's one of those spy movies, and pretty much crush my ribs in the process.

yes...if you are ever in need of a good laugh, go get two of your friends, get 11 packs of poker chips, 3 dealer buttons, a pair of walkie talkies, and a thong. you'll know what to do from there.

Ever had that time when your heart just got ripped out of your rear?

Ever had that time where you had no clue what was going on?

Ever had that moment where you wish you could back to a certain time and unlive some of your mistakes?

Yep, that's where I'm at.

This weekend was crazy.

Friday I went to Eldorado to hear Right Hand Man play. Their guitarist and drummer played in Stick Shift with me. Their bassist helped teach me to play.

Anyway, they had equipment borrowed from a Southern Gospel band (ok?), but no one to run it. So they had me run it for them

It was the first time I had ran someone's sound before. So I was nervous. But, I've been around sound boards a lot, and they don't intimidate me.

So I got it all set up, and get the levels checked. And it sounded good! So that was pimp

That night, I stayed at Buckman's house. We watched Kung Pow, but first I had to practice my Korean, which was frustrating, considering Buckman was being an idiot and kept interrupting the guy on the freakin tape with "That's what she said!"

So after that, I went to bed. I woke up the next morning and decided to try to fix his computer again.

And about 1 1/2 hours later, I was able to finally get his modem to work with Mandrake Linux & his 2.6 kernel. Stupid Lucent modems, it took me 3 months to figure out the solution.

So then I went home, where Popcorn day was bustling with drunks. So I ran around and laughed at the crazy drunks and stuff. Then I went to sleep.

Sunday was Sunday.

Monday is always hell. I finished 399 this time in a poker tournament.

So there you have it.

Ok, so here was the fun yesterday.

I was having a rough week. But yesterday was going good. I was in a great mood. So I decided to play the Freeroll Hold Em tournament on Pokeroom.com

Granted, I had played this tournament several times before, and had only gotten up to 1300th place out of 1800 before I busted out. And I had wasted my entire play money bankroll for the day in 2 hours the past two days. So needless to say, luck had not been with me. So I figured, I'll just be happy if I can just make it past 1000 players.

Well, I did. And it didn't stop there. Within about 15 hands after the first 1000 were knocked out, i was in the top 100! So I stayed there for a long time. Then we got down to the final 200. I had a good amount of chips. I was starting to think I might actually win. Then stupidity struck.

I had Ace Queen. Someone pushed all in. I was gonna fold. I press keyboard shortcuts. F1 is to fold, F2 is to call/check, F3 is to bet/raise. I was trying to hit F1, and somehow my finger hit F2. Three callers, two were all in. My opponents had Ace King and Ace Jack, I was in decent position. But then a Jack came on the board, and I was done for.

But how can I complain? 158 out of 1800 is incredible!

Ah here's a screenshot if you don't believe me:



this is where i'm about halfway through my run. As you can see, I was at 67th place at this point. The highest I got was 25th.

I'm not dead

I'm just dormant

Yeah, long time since I posted. I've got little time, but wanted to check my xanga. I will post something next week

This is been a horrid week. Again. Well, last week was a cakewalk compared to this week. All because everything that happened last week came to a head this week. I now have yet another friend who refuses to speak to me again. This time, the feeling is mutual. This friend I speak of and myself have had more fights than you could imagine. All of this has been brooded by her other friend, my ex-girlfriend. They always come out looking clean, and I am always the bad guy. Only two people will take my side on this one. Fortunately, they aren't both of my yes-men again. It's only one yes man this time. Personally, I think that my ex is a horrid influence on my friend. But I'm getting so freaking sick of talking about it now. I don't wanna hear any of their names again, but sadly, being such a small community, there's no hope in that.

I know this has torn my friends in two. Most of them are trying to remain neutral, trying not to tick either one of us off. Quite frankly, I wish they'd just choose sides, so I'd know who is for me and who is against me. But they won't. And I know my other friend is trying to get people to choose sides. And quite frankly, she is the queen of the game of drama, so she could probably get them swayed over to her side. Is it my destiny to make everyone who was once a friend an enemy? I know I can't escape arguments. I know I have arguments with my best friends. But over petty BS like this? For the record, you don't even wanna know. Most of the time the arguments are over deep topics, or some hard decisions, or something very stressful. But nothing so petty. And they don't blow up this much. So obviously me and her were never really meant to be friends.

Or maybe it runs deeper than that. Maybe the mistakes I made with my ex destroyed this friendship. I don't know. I don't even wanna think about it. To be completely honest, I just wanna forget about it, and push through it, and just get on with life, and not have to worry about it anymore. I just keep waking up, and wishing that all of a sudden, all this stuff would be forgotten by everybody, and I wouldn't have to wake up and face it, day, after day, after day. I wind up sleeping so much, because I just don't wanna think about it, or any other problem I have. I know I'm depressed, and I know I'm hurting. And I know it sucks. And I know I need to snap myself out of it. But what's the point anymore? Whenever I say that things will be better, and I start getting positive again, something else comes along that just makes everything blow goats again.

I keep trying to make things right. But no matter what, I keep ending up being the one hurt, and everyone else keep coming out clean. I hate that. I just wish that I could just give it all up, and be myself. But everyone seems to start using me as floormat, and I resubmit myself to that fate.

Maybe I SHOULD leave this place. Maybe I SHOULD go to school in a foreign country like I've been wanting to. At least no one there will know me as the floormat I am here, unless they just happen to recognize me from this Xanga.

I don't know. Maybe I'm talking crazy now. All I can say, that thank God that the semester is coming to an end. I need summer break. I need a job. And I need some time to think everything through.

Last week's people I pissed off counter: 6

Well, Rick (http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=meatcircus) asked me to post this. I'll make a disclaimer: If you are easily grossed out, DO NOT READ THIS ONE!

The following is how I became a legend of pooping:

I used to be chronically constipated. For some reason (blame on my diet, whatever you want) I would not go. In February of 2003, I was admitted to the hospital because I hadn't gone in about 2 months. Yes, two months. I thought I was gonna die. My physician said I was on the verge of it. Well, they admitted me, and thought that they were gonna have to do invasive surgery. Well, my surgeon was invasive alright, just not with surgery. I think you get the drift. I did not get a finger, I got a hand. Throw up now if you please. He then found out that I had a hernia that was strangulating my bowels and wouldn't let me go. He popped it back so it would no longer be strangulating my bowels. PAIN! Well, things started running smoothly. I took 3 dumps that day.

The next day, they said I had to drink a laxative so that I would be cleared out so that I go in for tests. So I took this sucker. Around 6 PM, I had to go. I got onto the bedside commode to go to work. It felt like I was giving birth. It seemed to come out one millimeter at a time. I was having to breathe like I was doing lamase. I grabbed my IV tree and clung to that for dear life. I swear, I felt my toes curling up into my feet! About 5 minutes later, I hear a loud THUD in the commode. After about 3 minutes, I had caught my breath to get up and look. If I'm lying, I'm dying: the thing was 2 feet long, and about 6 inches in diameter. So I called for a tech to empty it. She did, flushed, and it would not go down. They tried plunging it: IT WOULD NOT GO DOWN. They had to call maintenance in to try to get it down. They had to use a power drill to break it up so that it would flush!

Well, that's the story of how I became a legend of pooping. Now for the story of how I freaked out my youth pastor:

The next day. I went in for a procedure. A colonoscopy. Yay. Well, they gave me an IV drip of pain killers so I could be awake but not feel anything. Well, I went into the room talking. From what I hear, I did not shut up during the entire procedure. I came out of the room talking (I can't remember, but that's what they tell me). I go back to my room and I can't open my eyes! Here comes my youth paster. I'm all like, "Wes man! I can hear you. I know your in here. But I can't see you. Either I've gone blind or I can't open my eyes. Just grab my hand so I'll know you're there." He does. "Yeah, now I see you man!" My eyes are still closed. That's when I told Wes that I now knew why he used to do drugs.

Never give me demerol.

You asked for it Rick.

Some random rants of mine:

Title: Amp Head Shopping And Flaming Imbeciles

Well, yesterday, I became more active in my hunt for an amp head (at least if I can get an amp head, i'll know what kind of cab i should get). So I called hart's, too expensive, and he doesn't have any used heads in. So I called the local pawn shops. Yesterday, I became more passive in my hunt for an amp head.

Here was the dialogue that ensued with the owner of Pat's Pawn in Carmi:

Owner: Pat's Pawn.

Me: Do you have any bass amplifier heads?

Owner: What?

Me: As in, bass guitar amplifiers?

Owner: We have guitar amps.

Me: Good. Do you have any just heads, or amp stacks?

Owner: ...We have guitar amps.

Me: We've resolved that. The question is, do you have just the heads, as in, an amp without the speakers?

Owner: ...We have guitar amps.

Me: ...Ok...well seeing we're not getting anywhere with that...what is the wattage of the amps you have?

Owner: ...We have guitar amps.

Me: YOU ARE A FLAMING IMBECILE! *click*

Round 2:

I found a Tech Soundsystems head friday on ebay. It was a 500 watts...a real supersonic gem. I bid a fair amount. Then I got outbid. I raised my bid. This guy must've went up to 50 bucks, but I'm cheap and I didn't wanna put that much down. I got peed at this nutjob whose bid history included, a yamaha bass

, and polly pockets!

He got outbid...but still...this was a piece of amp head. So, to whomever wins it, I HOPE IT SHORTS OUT, ELECTROCUTES YOU AND YOU DIE!

Round 3:

700W Earth Amp on ebay.

Result:

OUTBID AGAIN

I hope it falls on the guys testicles so he can no longer have sex!

Title: Timeouts and the fun they have with me

Let me clarify this: Websites love timeouts! They love to make you waste time logging back in. Or at least they do to me. Here's several examples to prove that Timeouts have fun screwing with my head:

My e-mail: When I am trying to send an e-mail, I have a server time out. It is an 18 minute timeout. It is the fastest 18 minutes of my life. I type out one paragraph (and granted, I'm a pretty fast typer) and I have to log back in, and I've lost the entire paragraph because I forgot to copy the paragraph I had just typed out, forgetting that timeouts LOVE me!

My tab sites: I do a lot of bass tabbing. When I get bored, I submit a tab. It's what I do. There's a really long song that I tabbed out last night. So I was submitting it today. Well, this is a long process because 1) it's a long song, and 2) I have to figure out the repeat values, because I can't think repeat values when I play, and I don't do them in advance. Again, I get this done, and (wowsers!) fail to copy this to clipboard again, and I get sent back to the login page, where it will no longer let me access the extra super long tab I have just written

Thus leading me to the following conclusion:

Timeouts are the real antichrist!

More later

Here is a scary thought:

I am giving romantic advice to somebody.

God help us all!

So today, I get a PM from one of my friends on Stick Shift's message board. He wants me to call him because he's out of it, he doesn't know what to do, and wants ME to help him.

Needless to say, I can't call him back. I'm in the same boat

I'm getting tired of people expecting me to be the crutch for them. It's ME that needs the crutch. And I'm sick of putting that aside when someone else feels the same way, just because I'm EXPECTED to.

It's always the same thing. Whenever they have problems, I'm one of the first people to hear about it. Whenever I have problems, no one wants to hear it. It's gay. Just plain gay.

I love my friends, but if I get one more message from a friend saying to call him because he has problems that he wants ME to solve...I'm gonna snap.

God, I need a vacation.

Crap man, it's been a while. Where do I begin?

I finally got my linux kernel working. Then they upgraded, so I had to patch it. Now my problems are that I can't get my sound card to work anymore and I can't get my printer to work. Oh well, those can wait a bit. I've hit a fork in the road with both GNOME and KDE. GNOME won't install without a certain package, and I can't find it. I got the package I need for KDE to install, and it still won't. XFce installed fine. Gee, too bad I can't get my login manager to see I have a new environment. So now, I have to find out what's going wrong, and then I will be almost finished with my system. Then I gotta work on someone else's...oy vey.

Our stupid website is going crazy now. Our server has been nothing but one huge raging hormone since early last week. Now we're looking into paid hosting. As much as I hate to pay, I have to.

Well things are almost non-existant with the band. What we're thinking: lineup change. You'll see what I mean soon, if you even pay attention.

I went to a concert Saturday. Right Hand Man (the guitarist and drummer from the old Stick Shift, and the bassist for The Social Outcasts, my older band) played with Next In Line. It was pretty dope. I'm still sore!

Well I'm back again after having one my little apathetic moments earlier this week. They just happen every once in a while, and it helps for me to write that crap out, you know?

Have band practice tonight. Gonna be interesting. My allergies are acting up, and I think my head's gonna explode. But yet I'm still gonna expose it 120 dB of sound tonight. I am so stupid. YAY!

I got all the files I need for the upgrading of my Linux system. All except for the last three nights, the kernel has put through a veritable Hell. The first night, the file was corrupted, so I had to redownload the kernel. There was a new version out anyway, so it was just as well as I get it. So now, I've installed it, but I'm getting errors when I try to boot. Luckily I have my old kernel still on there, and I've been in and out of IRC chat rooms God knows how many times trying to figure out what's wrong, and I think I got it now, and it was due to my own stupidity. We'll see tonight, and hopefully, I'll be able to move on to upgrading the rest of the crap tonight after practice. Thank God it's pretty much installed, so now, I can just patch new versions when they come out. Takes up less room and less download time.

Interesting day on our band's message boards. We had this fake thug racist dude who was dissing one of our Puerto Rican members...then come to find out, the idiot didn't even like my band. Can you say, banned? Yes, that is what he is now. But, not like he was ever gonna show his face again anyway, cause I found out everything about where he was posting, and threatened to get his wannabe rear-end banned from his high-school internet access. That was a fun time. Expecting to see this idiot to try to reregister under another fake e-mail address anytime now and think that we won't know who he is.

That's it for my crazy life. Enjoy!

I'm losing my mind. That's all that I can surmise. I'm becoming the loose cannon I was afraid of becoming again. And I hate it.

Everything is blowing up on me. The road blocks have gone up with the woman I thought was mine...I've given up. Every other route cannot be taking...because it's being travelled by someone else. What else? What if I'm doomed to wander the planet alone?

This is making me sick. There's been times when I've wanted to blow up on people. There's been times when I've just wanted to gut myself. It burns me up, and I just wish I could just live in a hole somewhere.

I'm ashamed of myself...I feel like I'm always gonna be. It just makes me sick.

What am I doing? My band's getting back together, and I've GOTTA be strong for this. But I can't be. I'm nothing but weak, and I've accepted that, and I can just go back to my hole now. No one treats me badly there. I like it that way.

I feel like the biggest loser in the world. Maybe I am. I feel picked apart, and I just wish that I could get everything back. I wish I had myself back, but I'm gone...I found a better place to exist...and I don't know where that is.

I know God still loves me, but I just still feel like I could die and no one would even notice. Maybe I should've died in the hospital last February. I've put myself through so much Hell in this last year. I just feel like crashing...I feel like sleeping for two weeks...I've gotta do something. But what?