83 Things

Level 1:
(X) Smoked A Cigarette
( ) Smoked A Cigar
( )Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
(X) Drank Alcohol

SO FAR: 2

Level 2
(X) Are / Been In Love
(X) Been Dumped
() Shoplifted
() Been Fired
(X ) Been In A Fist Fight

SO FAR: 5

Level 4
(X) Had A Crush On An Older Person
(X)Skipped School
() Slept With A Co-worker
()Seen Someone / Something Die

SO FAR: 7

Level 5
( ) Had / Have A Crush On One Of Your Facebook Friends
( ) Been To Paris
( ) Been To Spain
(X) Been On A Plane
() Thrown Up From Drinking

SO FAR: 8

Level 6
(X) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been Snowboarding
(X) Met Someone BECAUSE Of Facebook/Myspace
(X) Been in a Mosh Pit

SO FAR: 11

Level 7
(X) Taken Pain Killers
(X) Loved/Liked Someone Who You Can't Have
(X) Laid On Your Back And Watched Cloud Shapes Go By
(X) Made A Snow Angel

SO FAR: 15

Level 8
() Had A Tea Party
(X) Flown A Kite
(X) Built A Sand Castle
(X) Gone Mudding
() Played Dress Up

SO FAR: 18

Level 9
(X) Jumped Into A Pile Of Leaves
(X) Gone Sledding
(X) Cheated While Playing A Game
(X) Been Lonely
(X) Fallen Asleep At Work / School

SO FAR: 23

Level 10
(X) Watched The Sun Set
(X) Felt An Earthquake
( ) Killed A Snake

SO FAR: 25

Level 11
(X) Been Tickled
(X) Been Robbed / Vandalized
(X) Been Cheated On
(X) Been Misunderstood

SO FAR: 29

Level 12
(X) Won A Contest
(X) Been Suspended From School
(X) Had Detention
(X) Been In A Car / Motorcycle Accident

SO FAR: 33

Level 13
() Had / Have Braces
(X) Eaten A Whole Pint Of Ice Cream In One Night
( ) Danced In The Moonlight

SO FAR: 34

Level 14
(X) Hated The Way You Look
(X) Witnessed A Crime
() Pole Danced
(X) Questioned Your Heart
() Been Obsessed With Post It Notes

So FAR: 37

Level 15
(X) Squished Barefoot Through The Mud
(X) Been Lost
( ) Been To The Opposite Side Of The World
() Swam In The Ocean
(X) Felt Like You Were Dying

SO FAR: 40

Level 16
(X) Cried Yourself To Sleep
(X) Played Cops And Robbers
( ) Recently Colored With Crayons/Colored Pencils/Markers
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid For A Meal With Only Coins

SO FAR: 44

Level 17
(X) Done Something You Told Yourself You Wouldn't
(X) Made Prank Phone Calls
(X) Laughed Until Some Kind Of Beverage Came Out Of Your Nose
( ) Kissed In The Rain

SO FAR: 47

Level 18
(X) Written A Letter To Santa Claus
(X) Watched The Sun Set/Sun Rise With Someone You Care/Cared About
(X) Blown Bubbles
( ) Made A Bonfire On The Beach or Anywhere

SO FAR: 50

Level 19
( ) Crashed A Party
( ) Have Travelled More Than 5 Days With A Car Full Of People
(X) Gone Rollerskating / Blading
(X) Had A Wish Come True
( ) Been Humped By A Monkey

SO FAR: 52

Level 20
( ) Worn Pearls
( ) Jumped Off A Bridge
(X) Screamed "Penis" or "Vagina"
( ) Swam With Dolphins

SO FAR: 53

Level 22
( ) Got Your Tongue Stuck To A Pole/Freezer/Ice Cube
( ) Kissed A Fish
( ) Worn The Opposite Sex's Clothes
(X) Sat On A Roof Top

SO FAR: 54

Level 23
(X) Screamed At The Top Of Your Lungs
(X) Done / Attempted A One-Handed Cartwheel
(X) Talked On The Phone For More Than 4 Hours
(X) Recently Stayed Up For A While Talking To Someone You Care About

SO FAR: 58

Level 24
( ) Picked And Ate An Apple Right Off The Tree
(X) Climbed A Tree
(X) Had/Been In A Tree House
(X) Been Scared To Watch Scary Movies Alone

SO FAR: 61

Level 25
(X) Believed In Ghosts
( ) Have had More Then 30 Pairs Of Shoes
(X) Gone Streaking
(X) Visited Jail

SO FAR: 64

Level 26
( ) Played Chicken
(X) Been Told You're Hot By A Complete Stranger
(X) Broken A Bone
(X) Been Easily Amused

SO FAR: 67

Level 27
(X) Caught A Fish Then Ate It Later
( ) Made A Porn Video
(X) Caught A Butterfly
(X) Laughed So Hard You Cried
( ) Cried So Hard You Laughed

SO FAR: 70

Level 28
(X) Mooned/Flashed Someone
(X) Had Someone Moon/Flash You
(X) Cheated On A Test
(X) Forgotten Someone's Name
( ) French Braided Someones Hair
( ) Gone Skinny Dipping
(X) Been Kicked Out Of Your House

SO FAR: 75

Level 29
(X) Rode A Roller Coaster
( ) Went Scuba-Diving/Snorkeling
(X) Had A Cavity
( ) Black-Mailed Someone
(X) Been Black Mailed

SO FAR: 78

Level 31
(X) Been Used
() Fell Going Up The Stairs
(X) Licked by A Cat
(X) Bitten Someone
() Licked Someone

SO FAR: 81

Level 32
( ) Been Shot at or Maced
( ) Had Sex In The Rain
( ) Flattened Someones Tires
(X) Rode Your Bike/Driven Your Car Until The Fuel Light Came On
(X) Got Five dollars Or Less Worth Of Fuel

TOTAL: 83

15 Films

Rules: Don't take too long to think about it. Fifteen movies you've seen that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than fifteen minutes. Tag fifteen friends, including me because I'm interested in seeing what movies my friends choose. (To do this, go to your Notes tab on your profile page, paste rules in a new note, cast your fifteen picks, and tag people in the note -- upper right hand side.)

1. Happy Gilmore
2. Fight Club
3. Flywheel
4. The Mighty
5. Rocky
6. Miracle
7. Can't Hardly Wait
8. Forrest Gump
9. The Mighty Ducks
10. Passion of the Christ
11. Joe Dirt
12. Click
13. Street Fighter (As much as I wish otherwise)
14. UHF
15. Angus

The Fall

Pride goes before the fall

And I know I'm falling

I just hope I'm not falling pridefully

Into the wrong pit

My pitfall is my pride

My humility not so near

Maybe if I fall hard enough

My mistakes will become clear

Maybe I'll stop this insanity

Maybe I'll end these methods of madness

Maybe this fall will change my perspective

And put an end to this sadness

Point of No Return

I'm standing at the edge of the cliff

Looking downward at the unknown

Afraid to take my next step

To jump or stay in this place

To walk away or move forward

Either way, I'm scared to commit

Either way, I'm afraid I am wrong

If I face my fears and jump

Maybe I grow, maybe I change

Maybe my situation will improve

But what if I keep freefalling

Into an abyss without end

If I stay here, I am in familiar territory

It won't change, but it doesn't matter

I won't be comfortable

Nor will I be jumping

At least this is familiar

But if I only could convince myself

As to how overrated familiarity is

I would jump off without hesitation

And remove myself from this struggle

Of hating life

Hating this grind

And hating myself

As well as everyone

And everything around me

And perhaps I would actually grow

Perhaps I would actually change

Perhaps I would finally love myself

Like God says He does

So I can actually love others that way

Instead of spending my life

With a knife behind my back

But it takes more courage

To put the knife down

Than it does to pick it up

The same as it does

To run off this cliff

And not look back

And my problems feel so large

That any forward motion

Seems like wasted effort

But I suppose this jump wouldn't be so valiant

If it wasn't done with all odds against its success

So knowing all of this

Why am I so scared of jumping?

Am I scared I will be alone on the other side?

Am I scared I will do this wrong and fail?

Am I scared things will be the same either way?

Or am I scared there will be no encouragement?

So here I am

Standing on the cliff

Heart ready, but legs unwilling

To take this leap of faith

And see my life make unparalleled changes

The Sitting Duck Fires Back

Where is the target

On my forehead

That you are aiming at

With your epithets

And callous words

I know you don't understand

The pain they inflict

You need a soul for that

And you sold that

For a gram of gank

So now you attack me

Without impunity

And all I can do

Is stand here and take it

While I pray to God

That I still have enough resistance

To not wire your jaw shut

I know it's running thin

And the temptation's running high

But as opposed to you

I know what's right and wrong

So go ahead

And run me into the ground

Or at least attempt to

Since that's what you're good at

But only one of us will be laughing

When you go in the ground

And it certainly won't be you.

A Plea For Help

Why do I set myself to task on anything

When the end result is always the same

When I fall flat on my face again

Whose blame is it but myself

For getting my hopes high

Despite knowing the outcome before I begin

God, I can't keep trying

Without some success

When swimming through the sea of life

You want to have some forward motion

I have none

I feel like I'm treading water

Except I'm so tired

Feeling like I've been swimming for miles

Wishing the current would go ahead and pull me under

But like feces, I always seem to float to the top

God, I can't keep fighting

Unless You give me a puncher's chance

What Do You See?

My father refuses to go to church. Save for a wedding, he will not step foot into a church. He doesn't hate God. He is not the real definition of a Christian. You can see it in what he does.

The problem is the way my dad looks. He has long hair, keeps a scraggly goatee and mustache. He wears an earring. He doesn't wear nice clothes. He honestly can't afford to. He looks like an alcoholic. That's what he is, but recovering. When he talks, he has a speech impediment that causes him to slur his words.

And when he goes to church, people stare. People look at him like they look at bums on the street--with disdain. "What is he doing here?"

He got turned off by the reactions of "Christians" to the way he looks, and the person he is. He decided if that is what Christians act like, he doesn't want to be one.

What's sad is the fact that even if I tell my father that's not the way it is, he won't believe me, because those are the people who fill pews every Sunday. But the sad part is, some people just don't get the Christian life. They think that going to church on Sundays make them sanctified. Some think it's doing nothing but listening to Christian music, reading Christian literature, associating with only Christians, working in a Christian environment, and going to only Christian events. But what did Christ himself have to say on this subject?

There's quite a bit that doesn't correlate when you look at what Christ said and did during his time on earth.

He entered and was passing through Jericho. There was a man named Zacchaeus. He was a chief tax collector, and he was rich.>He was trying to see who Jesus was, and couldn’t because of the crowd, because he was short.He ran on ahead, and climbed up into a sycamore tree to see him, for he was to pass that way.When Jesus came to the place, he looked up and saw him, and said to him, “Zacchaeus, hurry and come down, for today I must stay at your house.”He hurried, came down, and received him joyfully.When they saw it, they all murmured, saying, “He has gone in to lodge with a man who is a sinner.”

Zacchaeus stood and said to the Lord, “Behold, Lord, half of my goods I give to the poor. If I have wrongfully exacted anything of anyone, I restore four times as much.”Jesus said to him, “Today, salvation has come to this house, because he also is a son of Abraham.For the Son of Man came to seek and to save that which was lost." (Luke 19:1-10; WEB Translation)

Does this sound familiar?

After these things he went out, and saw a tax collector named Levi sitting at the tax office, and said to him, “Follow me!”

He left everything, and rose up and followed him.Levi made a great feast for him in his house. There was a great crowd of tax collectors and others who were reclining with them.Their scribes and the Pharisees murmured against his disciples, saying, “Why do you eat and drink with the tax collectors and sinners?”Jesus answered them, “Those who are healthy have no need for a physician, but those who are sick do.I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” (Luke 5:27-31; WEB Translation)

Once again, I'm seeing some difference between what Jesus said and "how a Christian should consort."

"He spoke also this parable to certain people who were convinced of their own righteousness, and who despised all others

“Two men went up into the temple to pray; one was a Pharisee, and the other was a tax collector.The Pharisee stood and prayed to himself like this: ‘God, I thank you, that I am not like the rest of men, extortioners, unrighteous, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.I fast twice a week. I give tithes of all that I get.’But the tax collector, standing far away, wouldn’t even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.” (Luke 18:9-14; WEB Translation)

To be a Christian is defined as "one who follows Christ." To follow Christ, he has commissioned us to do the things that he did. I don't understand how we went so askew from that definition to believe that we don't have to welcome the sinners, and try to bring them to the grace of Christ Jesus, but somehow, that notion has become embedded in the vast majority of churches in the world today, and is the #1 deal breaker in a sinner's call to repentance. It even trumps the desire to continue in sin.

It is no coincidence that these people end up in a church, because if these types of unruly people end up in a church, God has started to deal with their hearts. How then, can they continue to listen to what God's trying to tell them, when they enter His house of worship, and see people that proclaim to be His people snub their noses at them? If God's servants do that, then clearly God doesn't want them either. I'm not saying that as a truth, but more as what they begin to think after a church service where they feel downcast by everybody in the church.

Moreover, this kind of treatment is also the reason you see people who fall into sin fall further away. They face the shame of having to admit deep wrongdoings in a church where they will be looked down upon for doing so.

Have you forgotten where you came from? Because I know I haven't. I was an unruly teenager. I acted without regard to anything. Even after I became a Christian, I fell away, became a degenerate gambler, and lost all focus on God. But praise God for his mercy, because I might not still be alive had it not been for that.

And yet, because of that mercy, while it does set me apart in the spiritual realm as one whom is on God's side, it does not make me anything different here in the earthly realm. I'm still human. I still have problems. I still have to deal with sin and temptation daily. And whether you would admit it in public yourself, you still do too. And so does everyone else in this world. So how does that make us, as Christians, exempt from trying to show the love of Christ to the people who struggle with it the worst, the ones whose souls hang in the balance between damnation and salvation? Is it because we dress better on Sundays? I just can't understand it.

These people, like my own father, are the people who we need to be showing God's love to. And, believe it or not, we are not showing it by pretending they are not part of their congregation, or waving our hands up and down, and beating our chests, trying to proclaim how righteous we are. We don't do it by singing through worship without messing up, or by showing us how obedient we are by bowing our heads when the pastor prays. We do it by going up to them, shaking their hands, welcoming them to our church, introducing ourselves to them, saying we're happy we're there, and just getting to know them.

How is that so difficult? We, being the social beings we are, can do the same thing readily to other people who look Christian. Yet we can't do that to the people who need it most.

If I could challenge you, the reader, to do one thing on Sunday, it would be to find the person who looks most like a sinner in your church, walk up to them, and thank them for being there, and show them the real love of God. In fact, I pray that you will. It's not just their fate that hangs in the balance.

“But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. Before him all the nations will be gathered, and he will separate them one from another, as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.He will set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left

Then the King will tell those on his right hand, ‘Come, blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world;for I was hungry, and you gave me food to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave me drink; I was a stranger, and you took me in;naked, and you clothed me; I was sick, and you visited me; I was in prison, and you came to me.'

“Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry, and feed you; or thirsty, and give you a drink? When did we see you as a stranger, and take you in; or naked, and clothe you? When did we see you sick, or in prison, and come to you?’

“The King will answer them, ‘Most assuredly I tell you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

Then he will say also to those on the left hand, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire which is prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry, and you didn’t give me food to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave me no drink; I was a stranger, and you didn’t take me in; naked, and you didn’t clothe me; sick, and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’

“Then they will also answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and didn’t help you?’

“Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Most assuredly I tell you, inasmuch as you didn’t do it to one of the least of these, you didn’t do it to me.’These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

People keep posting these surveys

And I keep having nothing better to do at the time I see them, but to repost them. So, here it is.

WHAT IF...



I died:→

I kissed you:→

I fell:→

I lived next door to you:→

I showed up at your house unexpectedly:→

I stole something:→

I was murdered:→

I cried:→

I was hospitalized:→



::WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY::



Personality:→

Eyes:→

Hair:→

Family:→

Smile:→





::WOULD YOU::



Keep a secret if i told you one?→

Hold my hand?→

Study with me?→

Cook for me?→

Date me?→



::HAVE YOU EVER::



Lied to make me feel better?→

Wanted to kiss me?→

Wanted to kill me?→

Broke my heart?→

Thought I was unbearably annoying?→

Hated me?→

Wanted to tell me something but didn't?→



::More::

When and how did we meet?→

Describe me in three words:→

What was your first impression of me?→

What do you think of me now?→

What reminds you of me?→

When is the last time you saw me?→

Are you gonna repost this to see what I say?→

16

Ok, so Trish tagged me in this, so as to not disappoint, I decided to go with this myself. You'll only see the people I tagged on my Facebook, but yeah, whatever.


Directions:

Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a note with 16 random
things, shortcomings, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end
choose 16 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose
them. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. I love my family very much. With that said, I have one of the most dysfunctional relationships ever with my Mom and Dad. And sadly, right now, my mom and I are not speaking at all. Strangely enough, my relationship with my extended family is on the regular, pretty good.

2. I have a temper. It used to be really explosive, and would scare even me. I got it from my dad, as I found out firsthand. It has toned down over the years, but I still find myself praying that it gets taken away.

3. I feel called into the mission field, and have, as of late been feeling a call to go into pastoral work eventually. I know I'm not ready for any of the above yet.

4. I, unlike a lot of guys, dream about getting married. I don't want to rush into anything, I want to make sure that I'm with who I'm supposed to be with, as I won't take divorce in as an option. I would like 2 kids, whether it be natural or adoption.

5. All but one of my ex-girlfriends have cheated on me. The last one put a nail in the coffin on dating for quite a while. Maybe I just have bad taste in women? I hope not, because I disagree with pretty much everyone else's taste who tries to hook me up. Actually, in all honesty, a lot of my exes were during times I haven't been living for God, so it's probably that I was looking for the wrong people. I know there's someone out there for me.

6. Despite having many passions, I am rather inconsistent with what I focus on. The only things I have really put full effort in was music and poker.

7. My relationship with God has been streaky, where I will be full-force for a while, lukewarm the next minute, and dry the next. I attribute it to the fact that I have a hard time trusting people because of that backbiting I've experienced, that I take that experience into this relationship. I'm working on correcting this.

8. I have a photographic memory. I can remember the smallest details of something that happened (get this) 21 years ago. My short term memory, however, can be lacking at times.

9. I am one of those techno-geek types. Right now I have sitting in my living room floors various a soldering iron, a bunch of project boxes, and various circuit boards from video game controllers in an attempt to build a joystick for fighting games. I also can read HTML just as good as I can read the actual webpage, and know way too much about computers.

10. Despite having so many hobbies, I have a hard time letting go of stress. I'm trying to learn how though.

11. I'm very social now, but that wasn't always the case. I still have my introverted sides, and probably always will, but I've gotten better over time.

12. I love nature, but prefer to be indoors relaxing over nature hikes and ish like that.

13. I've burned a lot of bridges with friends that I wish I still have. A lot of it was due to my lack of contact with them while I was living in Indianapolis, and I regret that decision to this day.

14. Despite the fact that I now can't stand the game, I don't regret playing poker all the time I did. I was good at it, and it taught me a lot of life lessons that I needed to learn. However, it did wind up grating at my sanity.

15. I watch the same movies over and over again, despite a desire to watch something else. It gets to the point where I memorize the lines of the entire movie. All I need to say is that I can still recite Happy Gilmore, word for word.

16. All but two of my ex-girlfriends have been younger than me. I don't see where age makes that much difference, but I tend to get along better with the younger females I date. I don't know whether that's an exhibition of my immaturity or if it's just that I have more in common with them.

Tagged:
Avi: Yeah, I know you said you may not do this, but I demand it.

Jake: I can only imagine what will be put here.

Autumn: This should be intriguing.

James: This is my brother from another mother pretty much. Scary thing is, ours will read similar. Just you watch.

Harley: Hilarity will ensue.

Lina: I highly doubt she'll actually fill this out, but I can imagine this one also being interesting.

Robbie: This is a great guy who I respect highly, and would like to hear more of what goes on in his mind.

Adrian: If he's still off work, he may just be bored enough to fill this out.

Beka: I know more about the rest of your family than you. Fill this out.

Napa: Once again, hilarity could ensue.

Joey: Fill this out, Mr. Herman demands it.

Dane: Don't know what's going on in your life lately bud. Would like to hear about it.

Christian: Hi.

Wut: This guy is awesome, and his rendition of this will probably read like that of a great testimony.

Venson: Once again, someone I haven't heard from in a while, and would like to hear more from.

Sam: Will probably read something along the lines of "I like stuff" 16 times, but whatever.

So This Is Goodbye

Yay for me forgetting that when I get insomnia, it usually means I have creative material waiting to get out. I forgot what it's like. I could've been asleep earlier had I have remembered:




(Verse 1)
So this is the bridge we burned
Two years ago, two years ago
Lying in ruins, ashes and soot
The only friends it knows, the friends it knows
We tried to rebuild it
As foolish as that sounds
But now I can see
What a waste that was, a waste that was

(Pre-Chorus)
And now I'm standing on the other side
And wondering what might have been
Had I not wasted all my time on you

(Chorus)
So this is goodbye
This is the end of an era
Because what once was
Will never be again
And I can't forget you
But I can forgive you
And I can take what I have learned
With me when I start again

(Verse 2)
And I have been stalling since
Two years ago, two years ago
Wondering if I can leave
What we had behind, we had behind
You know I can't hate you
But now I don't like you
But I know that the feeling's mutual, it's mutual

Repeat (Pre-Chorus)

Repeat (Chorus)

(Bridge)
So know when I'm walking away
I know you're doing the same
And don't start thinking of me
Because I won't be thinking of you

Repeat (Chorus)

Boring Melody

1. Put your iTunes on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY?" YOU SAY?
There Is A Light That Never Goes Dope

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
A Flowery Song

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Belly Of The Whale (ok...my playlist just made me throw up)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Head Over Heels

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Mistakes And Glories

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Hollow Again

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Kings Of Hollywood

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Stall Out

WHAT IS 2+2?
When I See Her Face

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Yes

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Who Am I

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Deathbed

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Schizophreniac (LMAO)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Bleed Season

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Our Little Secret (That's reassuring)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Fading Away

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Wait

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
One Step Closer

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
K Car

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Picture (NO...i don't have kid rock on my computer)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Ppr:Kut

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Middlename

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Youth Of The Nation (watching emo's...i think this is accurate)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Wherever the Wind Blows

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Forgotten

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
103

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
SOS

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
The Spy Hunter

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
(Unknown)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Boring Melody

Two Blog Posts That Hit Home, Hard

I normally don't do this. I have blogs I frequent posted on the right for specific reasons: So that you can visit other blogs that I find interest in, so that you may also be enlightened by them. Moreover, having them on my panel lets me concentrate on my own writing instead of pointing you to others' writings all the time.

But, I feel like I need to pull the trigger on these two. My good friend James wrote two very relevant blogs that spoke to me in a big way. They aren't new posts by any chance, but just in case anyone has failed to read them, I want to bring these up here.

http://jamesintheuk.blogspot.com/2008/04/pursuit-of-happyness.html

http://jamesintheuk.blogspot.com/2008/04/love-is-all-around-us.html

Thanks, James.

Can You Read My Mind?

So today I was doing some reading, and the following really struck a strong impression on me:

Do not judge, for you will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your eye," when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
-- Matthew 7:1-5 (NIV)

For the longest time, I took this to mean, "If someone is sinning, and you are sinning worse, who are you to judge the other person when you are even further downhill than they are?" While I suppose this holds some merit, I began thinking further on this scripture.

Granted, if we have read this, we know not to judge people trapped in sin. But is that all to it? How far does this scripture really go?

Then I started thinking, what if it's not just sin we judge, that will be wrought back upon us?

The obvious thing people will think of when I ask that question is judging other people by their appearance. Obviously the pretty, well-dressed blonde will look more appealing that the overweight mother-of-two wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. Moreover, most people, sadly, will be more apt to be kind to someone wealthy than someone in need.

But that wasn't the theory I chased down the rabbit hole.

Over the last 48 hours, something was said to me by someone I'm rather close to in response to something I had said. The response was rather out of character for the person, and kind of hurt when I heard it. And so, after absorbing what I heard fully, my mind began to stew over what aws going through that person's mind. I began trying to rationalize their reaction. Trying to make sense out of an unordinary statement from that person.

Several hours later, exhausted from trying to figure out what that person was thinking, and after reading that scripture, I realized, "What is the point? You are spending hours upon end trying to figure out what is going on inside another person's head, and yet you won't even spend 30 minutes trying to straighten out things in your own? Do you realize how foolish this is?"

It was quite an epiphany. And honestly, was exactly what I needed. While trying to understand what the other person was thinking was a valid endeavor, it was not worth the personal neglect. I know I'm guilty of this frequently. And that's probably why I sometimes break down, and yet have no clue what I do so.

And yet, I can spend so much time, and waste so much energy, trying to figure out something that, unless I can actually walk in that person's shoes, I will not accurately guess. Considering none of us have the power to manifest ourselves as another person, it's pointless.

Moreover, when we begin trying to dissect and understand the psyche of another person, and why they do or say certain things, we immediately start thinking the worst. Ok, maybe not everyone, but considering I've been in many conversations about this same subject, with people trying to figure out someone's reasoning, I've noticed this is the norm. When it comes to our emotions, and relationships with others, for the most part, we are pessimistic creatures. And as such, anything that backfires in our relationships, that are usually harmless, are picked apart like a scab until they are worse than they originally were.

It's just useless. If we were to spend even a fraction of the time we spent on this stuff on our own personal needs and problems, I believe that we would need even less time disseminating bad reactions from friends, because we would all be able to understand ourselves better, and be able to react better to different circumstances.

So, I guess it's time to take the plank out of my eye.

Why I Don't Give Out My E-Mail

I used to give out my e-mail address.

You know, before the everyone and my mom knew about IM. But that isn't the reason I don't give out my e-mail address anymore.

Or before the advent of Myspace/Facebook. But that still doesn't hit the root of why I don't give out my e-mail address anymore.

I don't give out my e-mail address anymore due to the fact that anybody who asks you for your e-mail address is not thinking, "Good! I can finally keep in touch with this person!" They are thinking, "Good! I have 500 chain letters that I need to send out so I won't die on Saturday, and stuff that I deem as funny that has been around longer than Usenet!"

E-mail: Please die, <3 everyone.

I was reminded how much I hate e-mail just today. Although it really started 2 months ago.

My mom and I went to church one night, and it was a good service. I was sitting next to Mom, and next to us was this one woman who I talked to before it started.

At the end of service she asks for my e-mail. Now, here's a bad position to be in. One, I can't lie and say I don't have an e-mail address; my mom is sitting right next to me, knows better, and would've called me on it, and I would've looked horrible in church. Two, I can't give a fake e-mail, or else she'll just bug me about her e-mails bouncing back every week at church. Yet three, I know what's coming as soon as she asked.

So I give it to her, and not three hours later I get an e-mail entitled: "FW: This is funny!"

......................WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Back before myspace, I became very very selective about who got my e-mail address. In '06, after one of my coworkers began sending me 500 chain letters a day, I refused to give it out unless absolutely necessary (meaning, if I'm not e-mailing you an attachment that for some reason, wouldn't send in IM, or I need to e-mail you a referral code for something, you don't get my e-mail). And it's things like this that make me wish that we would revert back to the pony express type crap.

Plans for the next 365 days...

I have decided to try to set a plan in effect to get certain things done over the next year. Granted, my life tends to backfire profusely if I attempt to set plans in action, but I do want to try and get certain things done. These are not necessarily in the exact order of precedence, and some of these may end up taking the backburner in order to accomplish other, more important tasks on this list. If I could get half this list done in a year, I would feel a little more accomplished.

-Go on a mission trip next summer.
-Take a week-long vacation that involves me leaving the midwest and going somewhere I've never been before.
-Get a new job.
-Get a tattoo.
-Design the tattoo I want.
-Get some of my poetry publishes in some way, shape, or form.
-Do something that scares the urine out of my bladder and into my underwear.

The Verizon Files: Geometry and DSL and Hang-Ups

This may, sadly, be the last Verizon File I write. Unless I either think up old stories I can rehash, or some freak accident happens where I have to return to Indianapolis to work for Verizon again.

I was talking to a couple guys in my row who were playing some weird internet game in between calls when I received a phone call from some guy trying to install his DSL. His complaint: He hooked was able to get his modem to reach from the jack on the first story of his house to the second story of his house using our phone equipment, but could not get the ethernet cord to reach his computer. What could he do?

I should also note, that while a DSL signal can go through a maximum of a 14 foot long telephone cord, Verizon, as well as most DSL providers, only provide a 4 foot long cord, as that is usually sufficient.

My response: Wait, how did you get that cord all the way up the stairs?

He hangs up.

Seriously, is it that hard of a question? I just wanted to clear that up, but for some reason, he felt compelled not to answer that question.

I was telling the guys near me about it, when I get another call. I pull up the records...

Me: Wait, didn't I just talk to you?
Him: *click*

Now I'm freaking. I tell the guys again, and one of them gets a call..AND IT'S HIM YET AGAIN!

This time, he doesn't even wait for their long spiel before hanging up again.

While not necessarily a hilarious call, it was just freaking weird. I think the guy was somehow BS-ing, but still don't have enough evidence to say so. Regardless, this guy earns an award for the most nihilistic guy to ever call into a tech support line.

Training Regimen

This has nothing to do with my exercise regimen that I now have myself on. Yes, I am exercising regularly now. I think every one of my friends have now just went #1 at this thought. (Mostly just ab workout and light cardio...I really don't need the cardio as much as I need the ab workout).

I recently got back into playing Street Fighter. What can I say? The trailers for Street Fighter IV were inspiring. Plus, getting out of poker, I needed a hobby that would help fuel my competitive drive just enough that I won't go back to razzercising anymore.

I also realized I had not a copy of Street Fighter to my name anymore. I did have Super II Turbo for 3DO in Naptown, but yeah. No more.

So, I went on a mad rush. Now have Super II Turbo (via the anniversary edition) on PS2, 3rd Strike on the PS2 (also on anniversary collection), and all the Alpha games on the same system. I'm also trying to get the anniversary collection for Xbox so I can start playing online and continue to build my mad skills. I should also pick up Marvel Vs. Capcom 2, and Capcom Vs. SNK 2 (The latter only if I could find a used original Xbox dirt cheap, as the 360 can't play it).

So I'm now trying to get competitive in all said games (well, I guess save the first Alpha game, since I haven't seen any tournaments for it, just Alpha 2 up, then Super II Turbo up in the normal branch of games). I spent a ton of time focusing on 3rd Strike, as I had never really played the Street Fighter III series at all, and that would've obviously been my weakest game as such. I have quickly adjusted, and am doing well in said game.

As a result though, the rest of the games suffered. Gah.

So now, I guess I'm going to focus on getting a set regimen of playing each game, so that I can balance out my playing of each game so that I am conistently playing well in each of them.

I'm going to go ahead and assume that it will go as follows:

Monday: Super II Turbo
Tuesday: Alpha 3
Wednesday: 3rd Strike
Thursday: Alpha 2 (Although, unless I don't go A-ism Chun in Alpha 3, is there really any reason for me to practice Alpha 2? If I play A-ism Chun, I'll just switch this with Marvel)
Friday: Street Fighter IV (When it drops, TBD otherwise)
Saturday: Capcom Vs. SNK 2 (You know, should I find that cheapo Xbox)
Sunday: Day of rest, or just pwning souls on Xbox Live in whatever game I feel like playing, should I feel like playing/have time to play.

There we have it. There is my regimen. This geek moment has been brought to you in part by "SRSLY! NT BTTR!" (Generic/geek rip-off of "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!")

I have had butter on the brain today. Random thought.

College and You

It's that time of year again. And for a lot of young people, this will be the start of one of the toughest transitional phases of their lives. With that, I feel like sharing some words of wisdom for those heading into college that I wish I had received when I first started.

1. Go to all your classes. This sounds common sense, but once you get into an environment where attendance is not mandatory, it becomes very easy for people to think, "well, if I just miss class, it's not the end of the world." Unless you are sick or have a family emergency, show up.
2. You're not in high school anymore. Don't treat the classes like they're high school classes. Once again, common sense, but I know there's quite a bit of slackers out there. You know who you are. The smart kids that could blow up homework/studying till the last minute and still manage to ace your class. Yeah, unless you're one of those 12-year-old child prodigies who are going into college, I doubt you'd be able to do that and get away with it. Get used to working for your grades...hard.
3. Do not be afraid to change your major. Let's say that you get burned out of your original major first year. Do not become hardheaded, and refuse to switch your major. It is not a failure to do so. I guarantee you that you are not the only person that's going to be in line at your counselor's office to do so. Thomas Edison had to try a bunch of times to invent the light bulb, so why should you have only one chance to get your major right? While we're on that topic...
4. Generals first. Then major studies. This will save you time in the long run, if, of course, you're part of the majority that will change their major by the end of their college career. If you take a bunch of classes pertaining to your major, THEN have to switch, you're probably looking at another year tacked on where if you take your generals first, you will still be on the same track as you were in your previous major.
5. That party crowd will not be there 5 years from now. Being away from home is a big deal. But use it to prepare yourself for the future, not to black yourself out by doing body shots off someone. I seriously worry about the young people these days. I know drinking has been a huge staple on college campuses for a while, but it is getting more and more rampant now. A lot of people won't escape that lifestyle. Don't be one of them. There is ton more enjoyable activities on campus than just alcoholic consumption.
   
6. Don't forget God. I thought this would be a non-issue with me, but it wasn't. In the process of getting good grades and the like, it is easy to let God slip to the side. Do NOT let that happen! Keep your first love in the front of your mind, and let school work come second.
   
7. Find a church near your college. This one applies to anyone traveling away from home for college. Pretty much every college town will have churches offering open-houses to incoming students. Look around. Find a church that preaches the gospel and that you feel comfortable in, and be sure to attend it! A good church family (even if it will be a temporary one) goes a long way.
8. If you're staying close to home, keep going to church. Once again, a no-brainer, but you'd be shocked how many neglect that.
   
9. Find a Christian group at college. Once again, sharing in fellowship goes a long way in keeping you from getting too far gone from your relationship with God. Moreover, these are the people who will see you everyday, and will also be experiencing some of the same things you are going through on a daily basis. Stick with them.
   

That should be it. I hope everyone has a good/safe year at school.

Attention Friends: Help Requested

I'm hoping that I can find people that are interested in doing this.

I've been poring over my notebooks tonight, and am considering undertaking a project I've been considering doing for almost a year now.

I want to record a CD of my poetry. I'm working on pulling together all the poetry that I've written that I feel is worth putting on a CD, but right now there is around 20 that are on the table. It will be spoken word, not just a CD filled with copy-protected Word files, and there is doubtful to be a real theme, except for the usual, artistic "from happiness to sadness and back again" deal, but I am requesting your help.

See, when I came up with this idea, this was the thought that came to mind. I want to record some of these personally, but I also would like to have some of my friends record some too. So, I ask for your help, at least to gauge interest in whether this will be feasible.

So, I ask, if any of you reading this want to contribute your voice to this project, please get in touch with me using whatever means you have to do so. Any questions, get in touch with me. Once I see who all is interested and determine exactly how many poems I will use, we'll go on from there.

Uncle Tom

I can guarantee you, that unless you have been extremely close to me over the past decade, this blog will NOT be what you think it will be about.

Right now, I just got out of the shower, and was reflecting back on one particular point in my life, and just felt the need to share this story with you.

Throughout my life, I have had very few people whom I would call mentors. But if I had to start mentioning people to be on that list, my Uncle Tom would be near the top.

In all honesty, he wasn't exactly my uncle. He basically became an interim uncle. While my mom attended nursing school, she became very close friends with one of her classmates, named Teresa. So much so, that a lot of her off time began to be spent over there. I was a baby the first time I was over at their house, and in all honesty, I don't remember a period in my life that did not have Teresa and her family in it.

When my mom was working or at school, Teresa's sister would babysit. During holidays, we were always assured that we would be included in festivities. As such, my mom and I were basically "adopted" into their family. As the family grew, their children's spouses, and, then their own children just learned we were part of the family, and that it was a long story.

Around the time I was 3, Teresa was dating Tom, after having been divorced from her first husband, and soon after, married him. Therefore, it turned into Aunt Teresa and Uncle Tom.

Tom wasn't much to admire in earthly, shallow standards. He had no use of his right hand as a result of a childhood illness that went untreated, he was thin, short and scruffy. But he was one of the smartest guys I knew.

He was an avid reader, in fact, he had a huge library of books that I would just look at and be awestruck. And talking with him, you had no doubt in your mind that he had read through every single one of them.

But the thing that would strike you most was about him was an unparalleled faith in God. He was the calmest, most collected person I knew, and you could tell that he walked out exactly what God wanted him to walk out. I never saw him angry. I saw him engage in arguments, but I always remember the other person coming to their boiling point while he just sat there as calmly as he could.

I remember him never being in-your-face about his faith. The only way I remember him being outward about it was praying blessings over food during holidays. But he didn't have to be. You could see it without him even trying.

However, I don't remember him so much for the way he lived but the way he died.

In September of 2003, my band was playing a decent-sized concert. My mom was going to show up, and made mention that Aunt Teresa and Uncle Tom would show up for support to. However, when Mom got there, she showed up alone, and during sound check, she came and told me that Uncle Tom had suffered a heartattack and was in the hospital.

I was shocked, but at the same time, I was expecting things to go well. He got help before it was too late, and hardly anyone dies from a heartattack if they get them to the hospital in time.

But then, a couple days later, he progressed further and further downhill. A faulty stint and a punctured artery later, and it was apparent he was not going to make it. I remember one night bailing on band practice and going to the hospital. I spent a full day there, just waiting, hoping and praying.

I remember coming home one day, already in a sore mood, and my mom had just gotten off the phone, and told me to sit down. I knew what was coming, and yet, knowing couldn't prepare me for it.

Through my tears, I remember her telling me his last words, with Teresa at his side.

Tom: I'm ready to go home.
Teresa: You can't go home, you need to stay here.
Tom: No, I'm ready to go see Jesus.

And that was it.

The visitation service was hard. It was a pretty somber mood around an otherwise energetic group of people. Teresa, usually so upbeat and fun to be around, was just shellshocked. We all were.

I didn't go to the funeral, as I had classes. In all honesty, I didn't really want to. I take those things too hard anyway. No matter what though, I took his death pretty hard. It's hard to see someone who has done so much for you die, and having not said how appreciative you are of what that person has done makes it harder.

It has only been a few years that I have really come to grips with his death, and even more recently that I could really take in the lesson of his death, one that I really should've learned very quickly.

Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined to their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing.
1Cor 9:24-26 (NLT)

You see, so often I see people, Christians even, including myself, living in the here and now way too much. So much so that whatever they want right now, they must have right now, and whatever they want or need tomorrow is irrelevant, because they have today. And while today is important, the fact is that it doesn't negate the fact that we have a future that we need to look after.

A lot of people will read that and start thinking IRA's and Social Security benefits and AARP cards, but it goes much more deeper than that. Paul knew it, and so did Uncle Tom.

We work so hard and pour ourselves into things for an earthly gain that we can't take with us to the grave. Even the trinkets that our family will put into our caskets doesn't mean we'll be able to enjoy those when we are in the ground. We can't even enjoy them when we are lying there for our viewings. Those are merely for aesthetic purposes, and it's the same way while we're alive.

We even do Christ the same way. We're able to serve him today, but tomorrow? If we feel like it. If we don't have something better to do. If something better doesn't come along. I know I have at least.

But Tom had another idea. It might sound crazy, but he lived his life thinking that God wanted him to work toward the future, and therefore spent his present preparing for that future. He wasn't thinking 10, 20, or even 30 years from that moment. He was thinking about September 13, 2003, when he would be lying on his back, taking his last breath. He reached his finish line, and all he could think about was seeing Jesus.

Talking with people at his visitation, you could tell that his steps were taken so that he would be able to do so on that day. And today, just out of nowhere, I was reminded of that lesson, probably the best lesson he could've ever taught me. That, if anything, I want to be like Uncle Tom, and not just live and die, but live for Christ, and die ready to see Christ.