Wow, I almost completely forgot to do the YIR this year. Now, it's time to get busy.
Where the crap do I start? I guess in chronological order (or the best I possibly can).
It all starts on a cold rainy night in February, when Jake and I are driving out of Calltech. A large black woman, about 300 lbs, walks out in front of our car. We stop and wave her through. She gets bug-eyed and mental, stares us down like a deer caught in the headlights. Then, she does something uncharacteristic of a deer caught in the headlights. She goes into this Beyonce-esque dance sequence for 10 seconds before walking off. Ok?
That incident is still known as the Fat Beyonce incident, as it will be for the rest of our lives. Yet another reason why I wish we never created National Talk Ghetto Month. It's a curse.
Over the year, I have been chased around the house for the following items:
No one can ever forget my Verizon files, which are some of the funniest things ever. Which, the rest of them will be up in January.
Not to mention the days where I had to call Linksys over this year. All those epics will never be forgotten. They probably use my calls to desensitize their agents to screaming belligerence.
Remind me to never go to Steak 'N Shake in 2007. During this year the following happened:
Back to the funny. Meijer was a center of amusement. As in, Aimee almost killed me in one this year, as we discovered she is OCD when it comes to disorganized shelves at stores. Which caused me to run, nay, dance, around Meijer and move around items on the shelves. She was en route to killing me, but wasn't gaining any ground really, because she was having to stop to clean up my messes. So if Aimee ever tries to kill you, now you know how to defend against it.
Also, while Aimee was here, we invented water faucets. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Plus, let's never forget the greatest payment of a traffic ticket ever. It was documented in this very blog.
One will also never forget my publicized IM conversations, documented in 147's Musings.
Is that it? Oh yeah, Joe's nutcracker at the card shop was quite classic. I got really used to that floor that day.
Then, JOE'S BROTHER, at the same card shop, makes a scary face at me, and then rides me like a shetland pony. Don't ask, you don't want to know.
I think that's officially it. Here's to a bizarre 2006, hopefully 2007 will be something to blog about too!
Where the crap do I start? I guess in chronological order (or the best I possibly can).
It all starts on a cold rainy night in February, when Jake and I are driving out of Calltech. A large black woman, about 300 lbs, walks out in front of our car. We stop and wave her through. She gets bug-eyed and mental, stares us down like a deer caught in the headlights. Then, she does something uncharacteristic of a deer caught in the headlights. She goes into this Beyonce-esque dance sequence for 10 seconds before walking off. Ok?
That incident is still known as the Fat Beyonce incident, as it will be for the rest of our lives. Yet another reason why I wish we never created National Talk Ghetto Month. It's a curse.
Over the year, I have been chased around the house for the following items:
- A bag of potato chips
- A penny
- A frozen pizza
- A box of oreos (This chase scene was done naked)
No one can ever forget my Verizon files, which are some of the funniest things ever. Which, the rest of them will be up in January.
Not to mention the days where I had to call Linksys over this year. All those epics will never be forgotten. They probably use my calls to desensitize their agents to screaming belligerence.
Remind me to never go to Steak 'N Shake in 2007. During this year the following happened:
- Got hit on by an emo girl.
- Got asked if I wanted to by a hip-hop CD by an emo guy.
- Almost got killed when someone in my party (who was white) said "NIGGA!" with a black guy behind us.
So, I had a friend pick me up at work tonight, because my car's out of commission right now. As I'm getting out the doors, I see his car, sitting in front of the doors with the lights on, but I look, and he's reclined the seat, and he's asleep. And then the thoughts entered my mind. My conscience is fighting them off, screaming, "NO! HE'S GONNA KILL YOU! DON'T DO IT!"This has been one of the best years in poker for me ever. Actually, it is the best year in poker for me. As has been documented, I won several tournaments this year, and finished 13th in the WCOOP Razz event. I also got a 5th place finish in a $25K guaranteed tournament just a few weeks ago. Pretty insane for me, I have been doing well making money, and feel extremely blessed.
As I approach the car, I move slowly around to the driver's side so as not to wake him. As I cross to the driver's side, I slowly creep up to the hood. I then JUMP on top of the hood, and splat my face across the windshield screaming.
He bounces up out of the seat, screaming like a five-year-old girl, and his arms are flailing around the car in God knows what directions, all the while he is hopping ON HIS ASS UP THE RECLINED SEAT. Then he realizes it's me, and the look of sheer anger pull across his face as he screams, "GET IN THE CAR DOUCHEBAG!"
Now my conscience is screaming, "I TOLD YOU, DUMBASS! BUT YOU JUST HAD TO PULL A FUNNY!"
And apparently, my shut up filter wasn't on, because as soon as I got in the car, I said, "I suppose this isn't the best time to tell you I need to go to Wal-Mart? I'm out of shampoo."
Any time after that, the only words out of his mouth was "SCREW YOU!"
So yeah, I felt bad. And it was seriously wrong. But oh my God, was it funny. I was laughing so hard on the way home that tears were streaming down my face.
By the way, he never took me to Wal-Mart. So I just "borrowed" his car and got my friggin shampoo.
Back to the funny. Meijer was a center of amusement. As in, Aimee almost killed me in one this year, as we discovered she is OCD when it comes to disorganized shelves at stores. Which caused me to run, nay, dance, around Meijer and move around items on the shelves. She was en route to killing me, but wasn't gaining any ground really, because she was having to stop to clean up my messes. So if Aimee ever tries to kill you, now you know how to defend against it.
Also, while Aimee was here, we invented water faucets. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Plus, let's never forget the greatest payment of a traffic ticket ever. It was documented in this very blog.
One will also never forget my publicized IM conversations, documented in 147's Musings.
Is that it? Oh yeah, Joe's nutcracker at the card shop was quite classic. I got really used to that floor that day.
Then, JOE'S BROTHER, at the same card shop, makes a scary face at me, and then rides me like a shetland pony. Don't ask, you don't want to know.
I think that's officially it. Here's to a bizarre 2006, hopefully 2007 will be something to blog about too!
No comments:
Post a Comment