WTF

Wow, I just got hit with an earthquake. It took me a few seconds to actually register what was happening, and ten more to say "HEY MORON, TAKE PRECAUTIONS!"

By the time I got to a door frame, it was over.

Freaky, it's been about 6 years since I've been in one, and that one was minor.

Flashback: How to get thrown out of class & own your teacher.

My last year of HS, I needed one more elective, and I decided upon Art. Easy grade, right?

...the year before I took this class, the art teacher retired. My
school was unable to find an art teacher to replace him, so they just
planted a current teacher in the school system into the role as interim
art teacher.

They chose: The grade school computer teacher. We had a history
together, and she pretty much treated me as if I was completely insane.
I volunteered in the computer lab in the grade school when I was junior
high, and she flipped a gasket when she asked what I wanted my password
to be, saying that I needed to seek counseling, because, "that password
is the one the Unabomber used."

WTF?! And WTF are you doing researching this crap? I don't even think she was right.

She had no qualifications to be an art teacher. I checked this out
myself, as my school had a written list of every teacher in the school,
their department, and what degrees they had. She had a certificate to
be a TEACHER'S AIDE. She came into the class and admitted she knew jack
about art.

Her only justification for being able to teach art: Her daughter was an art major. Yeah, great.

Her secondary qualification for this position: She was certifiably
nuts. She would talk about the mass amounts of mood altering medicine
she was on, and the fact that she would pull on her earrings just to
feel the pain, and once ripped on one so hard...well, let's just say
she has to wear clip-ons on that ear. Van Gogh

Now, I made the mistake of doing my best work (in her eyes) in the
first month of class. It was a portrait of my gf at the time. I got a
90 on it, and never got a grade higher than that on any piece of my
work after that, despite doing, in my mind, and in other people's
views, good work.

She required us to keep a sketch book during the whole class, and
every quarter we were required to sketch at least 10 things for a
grade. Now I'm already very artistic, I write a ton. I write about
what's going on in my life, and how I'm feeling. It helps me deal with
things. Usually, after I get stuff out like this, it doesn't bother me
much.

So, when you give me a sketch book, and just tell me to draw, I'm
already looking at this as another outlet like my writing. Mistake #2.

My mom comes home from my parent teacher conference with this look
on her face. She tells me "It looks like you're doing ok in your
classes, but then I went to your art teacher, and she showed me your
sketchbook..."

:facepalm:

So, this woman tells my mom that I need psychiatric help, that I'm going to kill myself, and probably others. WTF?!

I wish I still had that sketchbook, I'd scan what I did first
quarter, but in no way did any of that come off as "harm myself or
others" material. Yeah, some of that was depressing, I was dealing with
some stuff, but I was dealing.

Thus, my mom made the decision, "OMG THE TEACHER IS RIGHT!" and makes me talk to my pastor.

After that, I stopped doing any realism in my art, simply cause I
didn't want to end up in Demented Hills because my teacher said so,
unless it called for it, and did nothing but abstract.

What's hilarious about this, is she pretty much milked everything
she could out of two of the students in this class, who were boyfriend
and girlfriend, who were...completely out there. Obviously, they were
netting the highest grades in the class, and honestly, they were
natural artists. However, they were completely gonzo. The guy
constantly talked about burning himself in front of the teacher who
just laughed it off, and was once quoted as saying that he believed he
was incarnated from a carrot. The girl looked like she was on the verge
of killing herself constantly, and every other word she spewed was a
hate-filled obscenity.

But obviously, since they were winning art competitions, my teacher
got wet over them, and bent over backwards to make sure they were
happy, neglecting everyone else in the class, except to tell them that
their work was crap, that it should be more like "this," and would then
point out one of the works from Carrot Top and Courtney Love.

Fourth quarter comes around, and I'm happy as crap to be almost out
of art. We had a sculpture due, some crap we were doing with a cinder
block (I don't remember the project, but my idea was to tie it to my
teacher's leg and throw her in the Ohio River), and then, I was told, a
full body portrait.

The last month of school, I had a hernia repair surgery, and my
doctor put lift restrictions on me, enough so that I couldn't lift my
cinder block to finish whatever we were doing with it, my classmates
were busy with their own projects, so they were of no help. I was
unable to finish that project for health reasons.

I had done my sculpture, once again, abstract, and was ready to get
it put in the kiln. The teacher refused to, calling it crap, saying I
should do something like Carrot Top did, and left it at that. I told
her that it was my idea, and if she didn't like it, that was her
problem. Regardless, I was finished with the sculpture, and was not
touching it again until it was baked in the kiln.

So, then she assigns the portrait, and emphasizes that it's a
full-body portrait. So, I start to work on it, and a few days later
(literarlly, one week before graduation), have problems drawing the
hands. I always have problems drawing hands. So I go to her asking for
help.

She takes one look at it, and says, and I quote, "What the fuck are you? Retarded? I said a face-only portrait!"

At that moment, I had reached my boiling point over her antics.
Also, top this off with the fact that I was on pain medicine for my
surgery, and I had no discretion at all. I flew off the handle, and
ripped her a new one over how completely contradictory she was, how I
had heard her, three days ago, say full body portrait.

Unable to refute this, obviously, she starts in on my cinder block.
I reiterate what I told you about it. Then she starts in on I probably
don't have anything in my sketch book done. I had everything done in
that pretty quickly, but then she says, "It doesn't matter, it's
probably the same stupid shit anyway."

I flew off again, and told her that I'm not Carrot Boy, nor did I ever want to be, because I didn't want her nose up my butt.

Now he flew off on me about that statement, and I looked at him and
said, "What? You're getting good grades in here. Just turn around and
go burn something." I didn't care. I wasn't going to see him again in a
week.

Back to teacher, who begans whining about my "crap" sculpture. I reiterate the same things I said above.

Then she goes back to how stupid I must be to not understand the
phrase face-only. We argue about that. Then back to the cinder block,
and we argue some more. Then back to the sculpture. Then back to the
sketch book. Then back to the cinder block.

Finally, I had enough. I said, "Look, obviously you're too slow to
get what I'm saying, so I'm going to put it in Kindergarten terms for
you. I--"

"I think I've had enough of your mouth, I'll let the principal deal with you.

She calls down to the office, and continues to stand there talking
down to me while waiting for him to arrive, threatening to fail me for
the entire semester, and refusing to let me take the final. When he
does, she's a whole other person.

"I want him removed from my sight, and I don't want him back in
this class at all. He is being insubordinate, rude, and talking down to
me, while I tried to correct some of his work." HA!

Principal, turns and looks at me, and says, "Follow me Corey."

I walk out of the room, and he is dead silent walking up the
hallway. Like one of those silences that just kills. All I can think is
this can't be good.

We get to his office, and he still has this stern look on his face as he tells me to sit down.

When I was seated he says the following: I got you out of this
class not just because she asked me to, but because that woman is
batshit insane, and you don't need that BS.

By now I'm trying to refrain from laughing. I failed.

So he tells me he'll coerce her into letting me take the final so
that I can get a passing grade, and for the time being I can just have
another study hall. So I'm feeling all right about this.

Until I get home and have to tell my mom why there's going to be an
F for Art this quarter. She flips out: "You couldn't hold it in for ONE
WEEK?!"

It's art class. It's not like I did this in Calculus.

That night was an awards ceremony at school, and I had to go
because I had been awarded a scholarship. When I got there, word had
gotten around the whole school that I had gotten thrown out of art and
that I had chewed her out and called her a basket case.

So, when she got up to announce the winner of the art award, when
she said "I'm happy to announce that the winner of this year's art
award is..." one of my friends screamed, "Corey Lanier!" to much
laughter. She then said "I doubt that," and awarded it to Carrot Boy.
Shocker. Of. The. Century.

Oh, and then next week, I go in to take the art exam. She had me
take it seperately from the rest of the class, I guess she did want to
"catch me cheating, or disrupt the rest of the class."

I didn't study for the exam. I got a 95.

I even went back and asked her, in front of everyone before I left that day, what I got.

She muttered, "...a 95..."

I kept asking her to repeat herself like I didn't hear her, until
she basically had to scream that I got a 95. I then screamed, "YOU'RE
FRICKIN RIGHT I DID! PEACE OUT, NUTJOB!" and left.

On why I'm quitting poker (This time...Srsly)

I just got some lunch, and have decided to write this blog out. Most of you will be reading this from a note from Facebook, as I will be tagging anyone I have on my list that I would need to concern myself with these things.

There are certain times that things enter your life that may appear, on the onset, and even near the end of their tenure in life, appear innocent, or even minute compared to other problems you may face. However, they end up becoming the problem, and become a bigger stranglehold on your life than you could possibly imagine.

For me, poker has been one of them. When I first learned how to play poker from my Grandpa when I was kid, I did not realize what it would become in my life. And when I started watching the WSOP in 2003, I did not realize how deep into this I would get.

What started off as a pipe dream of winning a WSOP bracelet, and being financially solid turned into the reality of downswings, small glimpses of variance giving me my due, and the anger and frustration of good play oft going unrewarded. What started off as a simple game I learned when I was seven years old turned into an obsession to the point where I was not satisfied with anything less than perfect play. Therefore, I was frequently left unsatisfied, as well as emotionally and physically hurting over it.

What started off as an obsession with cards became a stumbling block in every aspect of my life. First I infrequently went to church, then not at all, then began drinking (which I swore I would never do. I will, however, point out, that the one year in which I have drank, I have only been drunk twice. Even still, I had let my moral compass slide further from the line I had drawn.), began frequenting strip clubs, heavy use of pornography, and the like.

There's a scripture that says that you can't serve two masters. It's an irrefutable nugget of wisdom whether you believe in God or not. God was my master, but poker quickly became a second one. And allure of money and the praise of my peers for being good at a stupid game won out over God. And very quickly, the dreams of doing God's work became replaced with the dreams of Vegas, doing well in tournaments, having towers of chips in cash games, and the fast lifestyle that comes with the formers.

I understood this several months ago, but sometimes it takes things a while to really sink in. A long while.

Things had turned around for me. I was back in church, I was feeling better about myself, I was truly starting to feel alive again. The kind of feeling of life you get when you're not all-in with a flush draw or just trying to push some guy off a hand. I was preparing to go into a mission program. I was talking with my friends. I was working on a music CD as well as poetry CD.

Then, it went back downhill.

I don't even have a good reason why this recent chain of events occurred. I could name off reasons, but I can't single out one thing as the cause of this downfall. All I know is that in January, I saw on on Full Tilt's website that they were hosting a Razz event in the FTOPS in February. Instantly, I began entertaining the thought of playing. That entertainment turned into a desire to play. And that desire turned into the thoughts of, "I'm going to play this tournament."

And there you have it; with that I was in contact with my backer into the major tournaments for yet another stake into yet another Razz major. I made myself the following pact: I cash or I quit. And there you have it, in that tournament, I finished 27th out of over 500 players, to cash.

I was back, baby. Add to that the fact that one of my friends offered up, when Full Tilt began running a weekly $75 buy-in Razz tournament, an opportunity to play every one of these tournaments possible, and, depending on my results in these, him buying me into the WSOP Razz this year. How could I refuse that?

The first $75 Razz I play (the first week it was ran), I final table, and finish in 4th place, thus firmly puffing my chest out again, claiming myself to be one of the best Razz players online.

And then watching myself bubble tournaments again, and again, and again, followed by losing session after losing session after cash games.

I was undeterred that I was going to forge through this, and return to glory. So much so that I sacrificed, yet again, everything I could in order to follow this. My attitude at work suffered, my attitude with my friends suffered, my interaction at ALL with my friends suffered. All for this stupid game. And nothing was working. I was still on a mass downswing, and couldn't fight my way out of it.

When you get depressed, it's hard to convince yourself that anything for the betterment of yourself is a good idea. There were days that all I could do was sleep. I would set my alarm for 8 hours, sleep good those 8 hours, then wake up, sit in my chair, and fall back asleep until it was time to go to work. In total, there were days I would sleep 15 hours.

To top everything else out, while I won't go into detail, there have been more problems with my family to completely blow out any kind of normalcy in my life. So, with stress coming at me from every direction, my only self-defense mechanism left was to sleep.

And then play poker. Which wound up making me doubly irate over things I should never have been irate over in the first place.

You see, my personality winds up making me take so much stuff seriously. That's something I've got to work on in myself, but within poker, it's one thing to take the game seriously, but it's another, more dangerous, thing to take every individual hand seriously. I did the latter, and would quickly self-destruct over some stupid hand, and it would spill over into my own life.

So, fast forward to Tuesday, where I was playing the $75 Razz tournament, this time, in on my own, as my backer was unreachable for whatever reason. After an hour of good play, I bust, and am furious. I then go onto FCP, and see some things said about me, and done towards me, that set me off even further.

I sat with my head in my hands at my desk, crying. I had talked to my mom that afternoon, and told her everything was fine. Everything wasn't fine, and I knew that when I told her that it was. I felt like dying, and I didn't care what anyone thought of it.

My cats had been crying for so long that day over nothing. I had fed them, I had watered them. What more did they want?! As I sat there, crying into my hands, one of my cats began talking to me alongside my chair. I kept telling her to go away, to which she finally started scratching at my leg.

I wound up grabbing her violently, screaming, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" the throwing her across the living room. I then grabbed the other one, who was asleep on my computer monitor, and tossed her down the hall. I then slumped back over into my chair.

This wasn't the first time such an incident happened. After a -20 Bet session in 2-4 Razz in '06, I wound up going on a swearing tirade in Indianapolis where I managed to tell off the entire house. So there is part of the truth behind why I'm no longer living there.

As I thought about how reckless my life had become yet again, I just saw no way out anymore. I didn't want to live anymore. And I wasn't going to.

I was scared to death as I did this. I went into my bathroom, and grabbed every pill bottle in the medicine cabinet, and set them on my desk. I stared at them, and set my AIM away message showing my phone number and saying "Call me if you care, otherwise, you can call my mom and tell her it wasn't her fault. You have 30 minutes."

I sat there sobbing, and praying that the phone would ring. "God, if you really care, and you're real, and you truly want me to do Your will, then that phone will ring." And that's all I could think.

5 minutes, nothing. 10 minutes, nothing. 15, 20. Time was almost up.

I popped open a bottle of 800mg Ibuprofen, 25 minutes passed. And the phone rang.

"Who is this?"

"It's Napa, bro. What's wrong?"

There I spent like 20-30 minutes, maybe more, unloading on Herman like my life depended on it, because in all honesty, it did.

When we got off the phone, it was like a moment of clarity finally hit me. It was like God himself had reached down and told me, "If you really needed any clarification as to whether I exist or I care, you have it right now. So, are you going to listen to me now?"

I know a lot of people that will read this might have a small belief in God, some, not at all. But I know what I said to that: Yes.

And knowing how poker turns me into a person that God would never want me to be, in order to say yes, I have to give it up. And by give it up, I do not mean that I'm done, but I might be back. This move is permanent.

I don't really even want the temptation there anymore. I know other people have said that they quit poker and could still post in FCP Off-Topic. For me, that's something I can't do. I'm giving up poker forums altogether.

I'm also requesting the following, whether you agree with my reasons for quitting the game or not, please respect the fact that I have quit, and help me to stay out of the game.

• Do not offer me stakes.
• Do not ask me for stakes.
• Do not stake me if I ask for it.
• Do not transfer money for me.
• Do not ask me to even play a play money game with you.
• Do not send me hand histories.
• Do not send me bad beat rants.
• Do not tell me about who's a donkey in Razz, or any other game for that matter.
• Do not link me to threads on poker forums.
• Do not ask me strategy questions.
• Do not ask me to rail you. You can tell me you're going deep, or if you've won a tournament, and I'll congratulate you, but I am not going to rail you.

As soon as I figure out IPTables on Linux, I'm blocking the sites I've frequented, and any client's site from my viewing. I'm also uninstalling my clients, as soon as I get my money off Stars.

I wouldn't expect Razzercise to be written. I'm highly doubtful that I can write this book without thinking so much about the game that I feel the need to play. If it is written, I will not collect any profits from the book, and the proceeds will go to a worthwhile charity, ministry, or organization.

Meanwhile, I plan on going back into my music, and writing, as well as get back on the road to getting into the mission program I was looking into, or something along the same lines if I am unable to get that specific program.

Regardless, I've made my choices and have decided to burn this bridge in the hopes that the new ones I cross lead me to better places.

If you guys still want to stay in touch with me, most of you know how to reach me.

God bless guys.

This Winter Tuesday Night

You've waiting so long
And wanted so badly
To say what you really felt
To pour out your heart again
But never a time
Never a moment
Has been the right time
Such as this
With it all on the line
And your heart looking back
You must finally take your leap
And live with the decision
No more excuses
And no more defeat
The only defeat you've had
Is defeat in not trying
But no longer
For as you hear the cry
Of a million broken hearts
Wailing for you to take the chances
They never took
You will walk inside the fire
And no longer feel the burn of regret
On this winter Tuesday night.

The Verizon Files: The Corey Lanier "Please Don't Reprooduce" Dating Service

I was on a fairly normal call. Guy calls in, complains his DSL light's blinking, which means he isn't getting his DSL signal from the central office. I do all the necessary steps, am unable to fix it, thus I have to escalate this to a technician to go out and work on his lines. I go to my tier 3 agent, who promptly tags it for escalation. I escalate it no trouble.

However, I was giving the customer his network ticket. The next to last character in the ticket number was the letter L. he read it back to me as a 6.

how do you get 6 from L?

I'm just glad when I corrected him, that he didn't ask, "Oh, you mean the LETTER L?!" Or else, I would've been asking him if he wanted a mail order bride from Virginia.

Pranks gone terribly awry, but still funny as crap

Originally posted on FCP in May 2006. Also of note, this was at 2 AM.

So, I had a friend pick me up at work tonight, because my car's out of commission right now. As I'm getting out the doors, I see his car, sitting in front of the doors with the lights on, but I look, and he's reclined the seat, and he's asleep. Here it, in the wee hours of the morning, raining outside... And then the thoughts entered my mind. My conscience is fighting them off, screaming, "NO! HE'S GONNA KILL YOU! DON'T DO IT!"

As I approach the car, I move slowly around to the driver's side so as not to wake him. As I cross to the driver's side, I slowly creep up to the hood. I then JUMP on top of the hood, and splat my face across the windshield screaming as if he just ran over me with the car.

He bounces up out of the seat, screaming like a five-year-old girl, and his arms are flailing around the car in God knows what directions, all the while he is hopping ON HIS BUTT UP THE RECLINED SEAT. Then he realizes it's me, and the look of sheer anger pull across his face as he screams, "GET IN THE CAR DOUCHEBAG!"

Now my conscience is screaming, "I TOLD YOU, NUMBNUTS! BUT YOU JUST HAD TO PULL A FUNNY!"

And apparently, my shut up filter wasn't on, because as soon as I got in the car, I said, "I suppose this isn't the best time to tell you I need to go to Wal-Mart? I'm out of shampoo."

Any time after that, the only words out of his mouth was "SCREW YOU!"

So yeah, I felt bad. And it was seriously wrong. But oh my God, was it funny. I was laughing so hard on the way home that tears were streaming down my face.

By the way, he never took me to Wal-Mart. So I just "borrowed" his car and got my friggin shampoo.

The Verizon Files: The Technology Terrorist

This was my supervisor's last call as an actual agent before he got promoted. I was griping about a horrendous call to him that I had just had. I can't remember what the call was about, because he decided to drop this one on me.I was originally going to post a 3,000th post that explained my motive of actually taking the time to attempt to 3,000 posts. But, since the opportunity presented itself, I will now post the greatest tech support call of all mankind.

The customer (an arab, so imagine hearing an arab accent when you read what he says, and it makes it all the more funnier) was having a problem getting online. My supervisor had it narrowed down to the modem setting problems, so my supervisor was taking the customer into the modem to change the settings. I need to also point out that the customer was using Windows 98 on this computer. This comes into play later.

Unfortunately, the customer could not even get IE to open. We need IE to get into the modem. So, my supervisor was telling the customer he had to send him to his computer vendor when the customer says, "WAIT! I HAVE ANOTHER COMPUTER. IT IS IN THE CLOSET!" (I guess it was visiting Tom Cruise and R. Kelly...sorry, it had to be done.)

So it takes 10 minutes for the customer to get the computer hooked up and turned on. This computer is running Windows Millenium Edition. You probably have the same question I asked: "Why didn't we start out with the newer version?" That's to be told later.

Here's the conversation that ensued as the customer made it to his desktop:

Supervisor: Ok, let's open up Internet Explorer.

Customer: Wait! It is rebooting.

Supervisor: Ok.





*Two minutes later*


Customer: Ok, it is done.

Supervisor: Ok, let's open up Internet Explorer.

Customer: Ok.

Supervisor: Ok, let's click on...

Customer: Wait! It is rebooting.

Supervisor: Is it rebooting on it's own?

Customer: Yes.

Supervisor: Ok, I'm going to have to send you to your computer...

Customer: WAIT! I HAVE ANOTHER COMPUTER!

So he goes back to the closet, Tom Cruise hands him ANOTHER COMPUTER! This time, we're running Windows XP. That's right, we went up the Windows Hierarchy (or down, depending on how you look at it). It takes another 10 minutes to set up, and boot up.

Supervisor: Ok, let's open up Internet Explorer.

*Background noise on Customer's Side: Window's XP System Shutdown Sound*

Customer: Ok.

Supervisor: Are we there, or is it rebooting again?

Customer: No! I'm there.

Supervisor: Then type in 192.168.1.1.

Customer: Ok, I'm there.

Supervisor: What do you see?

Customer: The Westell page.

Supervisor: What buttons do you see.

Customer: ...................................................

Supervisor: It shut down again, didn't it?

Customer: ...............how did you know?

Supervisor: I HEARD THE SHUTDOWN SOUND! Ok, I'm going to have to get you to your computer...

Customer: WAIT! I HAVE ANOTHER COMPUTER.

Let's recap this folks: We have went through 3 computers, going up in versions in ascending order from the day of the dinosaurs. One computer will not open up IE. Two of them keep rebooting automatically. Diagnosis: This guy is a terrorist to PCs.

Now, we have the guy having R. Kelly hand him ANOTHER COMPUTER! It takes another 10 minutes to set up and boot.

Supervisor: Ok, what version of Windows are we running this time?

Customer: I don't know. How do I find out?

Supervisor: Let's click on Start, and then run.

Customer: Where is that at?

Supervisor: It's at the bottom left of your screen.

Customer: I do not see anything that says, "Start."

Supervisor: .....how many buttons do you have on your mouse?

Customer: ...one?

Supervisor: I can't do support on Macintosh.

Customer: ....how did you know?

Supervisor: I am God. Here's your three computer vendors' phone numbers. Pick one, call them, get it fixed, then call us back. *click*

If I am fussy with anyone over the next week...

I'm sorry in advance. I'm doing a website for someone, first time in a while that I've done one, so I might be heavily involved in that project.

On top of that, there's also a ton of personal matters that I'm dealing with, so all of these things may make me fussy at times.

I'm not going to intentionally go out of my way to be a jerk to anybody, just to blanket it under this statement, but I just might have a moment where:

-I'm just in a bad mood all day. Probably means one of said personal matters blew up in my face or escalated even further, and I'm having problems coping.
-I'm perfectly fine, and suddenly snap off. Probably means I'm working on the site, and keep getting errors/the visuals are not looking the way they should if I coded it right, and I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong.
-I just don't talk. I could just be not wanting to say anything because I'm feeling low over personal matters, am really heavily into getting X part of the site done ASAP, or have went to sleep and forgot to set my away message like I have multiple times this past week.

Rest assured, that I'm not usually mad at my friends, and that I usually get mad at myself before I get mad at anyone.

Also, if I start griping to my friends who know what I'm talking about over design problems, don't ask me to start using Dreamweaver or various other web design programs, because that actually slows me down more than debugging does. I use plain text editors, plan and simple. For me, it was how I taught myself to design websites, how I was taught to design websites in school (thus re-enforcing my self-education on web design), and how I'm most comfortable. Looking at WYSIWYG editors seems off to me, whereas looking straight at HTML/CSS/javascript/PHP code feels natural to me.

Love Is Shards of Broken Glass

I wrote this one in November 2006, just never been totally ready to put it up until tonight.

I am shards of broken glass
I lie on the floor ignored
I used to be an exquisite vase
But my owner pushed me off my pedestal
And now I'm a pile of disarray
This unordered mess that no one sees beauty in
I wish I was still on my pedestal
But that reality is long past
And I'm just waiting to be swept into the trash

But an antique shop owner did not see these shards
He saw me still as the vase on the pedestal
And he saw the steps needed to return me to this splendor
With glue and a lot of patience
The shopkeeper carefully placed my pieces together
As soon as the glue dried
He put me on a table near a mirror
And I look at myself
I see my old form back
But I also the cracks in me
I see the shards being held together by glue
I'm ugly and imperfect
How will anyone ever see me
As a prize ever again?
I know the shopkeeper does
But will anyone else?
The sale sign is on me
But no one even glances
I see every piece bought but me
I am so alone
And will always be

You walked up to my table
You saw my cracks
You saw the glue stains
And you didn't care
You thought I was beautiful
And needed to have me
You rushed to the shopkeeper
And paid my price
And carried me home
As gently as anyone ever could
And place me on a pedestal
In the middle of your room
Every day and night you looked at me
And admired me like I was the greatest treasure of all
I'm no longer alone
And never will be

Do you understand the analogy?
I am broken with every mistake
Every flaw
Every unhealthy relationship
Just like a vase falling off its pedestal
I cannot fix myself
So I just sit here in my brokenness
God is the shopkeeper
Who sees the beauty in my mess
And with steady hands, fixes said mess
And replaces the broken pieces
He makes me whole
But I am still alone
You are the one who sees through the ugliness
That everyone but God sees
You know my every flaw
But love and need me nonetheless
And every moment with you is delicate and pure
And makes me feel complete through my brokenness
I'm no longer broken
I'm no longer alone
Because this is what love is
And this is the real meaning behind that word

Nothing Is Sacred

Nothing is sacred anymore
For you have helped me forsake
Everything I once held true
For every inch I drove
Piercing nails in those hands
You drove them in an extra inch
For every foot I wandered off course
You led me a foot further astray
And when I was perfectly confused
Your guiding hand was gone
And my shame returned in multitudes
And the broken pieces of my life
Were still left laying on the ground
But my iniquity led me
Somewhere it's never before
It led me back onto the beaten path
Strange as it may sound
With a crowbar in my hand
As I expend the extra effort
To pull those nails out of the hands
That should've never had to take them
In the first place

Wishing You Knew

I wish you knew
Where my heart was
Or what I was thinking
But you are oblivious
And I am still right here

I wish you felt
The way I felt right now
And the hope I have
But I know you can't
And it leaves me in fear

I wish I could share
What was going on
So that you might understand
But you won't listen
And I won't speak to deaf ears

I wish you knew
That I loved you
Or that I knew more than you thought
But you probably don't care
And I'll probably stay right here

In Dreams

Get out of my head
I'm so sick of you
Haunting my dreams
Leaving me believing
Something I can't believe

I'm so tired of seeing your face
And hearing your voice
And knowing it's not real
Only in dreams
Forever in dreams

We're so far apart
In this short distance
If I screamed to you
You wouldn't hear me
Not even in dreams

Your touch is far removed
From my memory
I'm only left with an echo of your voice
And these few pictures
To revive your memory in dreams

What Happened With Hyunsil

So, I was going to write this really long megablog, but I lack motivation to do so. So I will break this down into correlated segments, so it's just as easy for you to read as it is for me to write. I guess I better start with the big one...

The trip to Chicago with Hyunsil started out incredibly. It was also incredibly cold, but hey, whatever. Actually, going to Chicago in February is one of the dumbest things that I ever decided upon, and not talking Hyunsil out of going to Chicago in February is ranked #2. Now to get to what ranks as #3, as well as #4, and probably a few more numbers as well...

The last night we were in Chicago. Like I said, everything had gone relatively swimmingly up to this point. I was on cloud nine, and we were getting along very well. I felt nearly invincible, and nothing on this trip was going to go wrong.

That night, we go to the John Hancock Building, which I will state has the best night view of Chicago. We're looking out at the skyline, and as she turns around to head back to the elevators, I advance for a kiss. She pushes me aside, and says, "What are you doing?! I have a boyfriend!"

Um...what? This was news to me. I knew, she had an EX at home, but apparently, before she left, they got back together, and surprise, I was not told anything about it. On top of that, her actions around me and toward me the time we were in Chicago were indicative of everything but her having a boyfriend. So all that, and now in one instant, I look like an idiot. Moreso than usual. I mustered a poker face, but on the inside I was fuming. It was just the fact that I got shut down that I was upset about, or the fact that her mixed signals caused me to look like a moron, but the fact that I now feared I have ruined our friendship in that one split second.

The next morning was as usual. However, we were heading back to Indianapolis for a week, then back to Southern Illinois for a visit with my family. We head downstairs to find it snowing, which is bizarre, because I had literally been outside 30 minutes later to get a lemonade at Panera, and come downstairs again to find the streets covered.

Hyunsil, picks this time to warn me she needs bags for her snacks before we leave. She also still wants to go to the art museum. I tell her I'll go get the bags really quick, then come back and we'll decide about the museum. I head two blocks to Walgreens, and almost fall in the middle of the street on the way. Yeah, screw the art museum, we're headed to Union.

We spend most of the time there (5 hours-ish until our Train should be boarding) eating, talking, and working. She had bought an English book at Borders on Black Monday (which I have dubbed it), and she had brought me a Korean book, so we were both spending time helping each other in our books.

Well, it turns out we picked the day of THE blizzard to leave Chicago, and our train gets delayed an hour out of the station. What's worse is Jake was picking us up at the station in Indianapolis. I call him from the pay phone, and can't get hold of him. Friggin Rifts. Leave a voice mail saying I'd call when we left the station. Not too long after, we start boarding, and I try to call, but the phone won't process my credit card, so I give up.

The train ride takes forever thanks to the snow. Hyunsil spends the ride sleeping and listening to my iPod. I spent it trying to sleep and failing, so most of my time was spent thinking and watching over her. I hope didn't just creep out the world with that statement. When we hit Indy, I woke her up. As I saw the RCA Dome (draped in the Colts Super Bowl Champions banner...OMGSPLOOGE), I leaned over and, in an attempt to impress her, say, "Igeoseun Indianapolis-imnida." (Translation: This is Indianapolis. I waited till we got the Dome because I didn't want her to think Indy was desolate. You get to the Dome, and obviously there's a lot of crap). It worked.

We hit the station at 3 am. We were supposed to be there at midnight. Oh lord, Jake is going to kill us. We head downstairs, and yeah, Jake has that look on his face. Not my problem.

We get home, I give her a quick tour, and get the pullout bed set up for her. She decides to go take a shower. And as I'm laying down, I hear her turning the water on and off repeatedly in the bathroom and realized, "OMG, I forgot how confusing that faucet is, and now she's naked, so um...yeah." Me and Jake laugh about it, and write her a note, slip it under the door, and go to sleep.

The next couple days were hit and misses. One day, it would be perfect, the other, Hell. On Friday, she tells me, at the Children's Museum, the first time I ever drove downtown, that she was going back to Chicago, and wasn't going to So IL with me. By now I'm fighting back tears, as the fears of Monday night come to fruition.

I remember sitting in the parking garage for a second trying to collect myself. She asked what's wrong, and I don't remember what I wound up saying. Undaunted, we head to the circle and see the monument, then head back towards home.

When Jake gave me directions downtown, he took me through castleton on 82nd St, not on the Interstate. What he failed to mention, and I had failed to notice while I was there, was that 82nd St. turns into 86th St before you hit Meridian, and that I should be looking for 86th on the way back. Because when I turned onto 82nd, it turned into a residential area and I got lost for 1 hour. I remember parking for 10 minutes in some guys driveway and crying on the steering wheel, as Murphy's Law had enveloped every aspect of this day. Hyunsil started patting me on the back and tried to console me, but she was the last person I wanted to touch me at this point, because I felt like she was the reason I was in this mess to begin with.

There I sat, spent most of my poker bankroll on this trip, and it was all blwoing up in my face. Now I'm lost in Castleton, and feel like an idiot. I blacked out the rest of the way home, but we got there somehow.

When we got there, Caleb asks, "How'd it go?" and I shot him one of those looks to kill. I started trying to transfer pics from the entire trip to the computer, when Hyunsil grabbed the mouse and tried to dictate which pics stayed and which didn't, and went insofar to say I wasn't getting any. I finally blew up, growled out, "Do whatever the fuck you want, cause I don't care," and went up to Jake's room, and started crying. Jake came home to me on his computer sitting with a tissue in one hand, the mouse in the other clicking away at Full Tilt, and I just started babbling on about how horrible the day had been.

The next day, the plan was to go to the speedway and then to a hockey game. I was expecting it to be much like the day before, only with Jake driving. Nope, Hyunsil was perfectly fine. I attributed it to PMS, assumed it would get better, and left it at that. We had a blast that day. The next morning, she left.

I couldn't even stand there to watch the bus leave. I walked away crying my eyes out. We got home, and I started packing to go back to Southern Illinois. I couldn't hold myself together long enough to pack, let alone the fact that when I grabbed my blanket, the one she used while she was there, it still smelled like her. I just broke down with that blanket in my arms. Once again I black out until I'm on my way home. When I got there, I was informed I was no longer welcome in Indianapolis.

The first day I spent hanging around the house, talking with Mom, telling her about the trip. I was feeling slightly positive about the whole trip.

The next day, I checked my e-mail, and found this from Hyunsil:

hi Corey i think this is the last mail to send you..
i came to the hostel safely as you prayed for me thanks a lot
but ..i can't keep in touch with you anymore..
okay take care..
byee

this is the last time for me to use the internet here and i will delete urs
on my messenager when i come back..
everything's ruined okay u did make a mistake byee

I barely remember anything for the next couple weeks. I just felt like a wreck. My goals to rebuild my roll, down the drain, because I couldn't focus. All my fault, all her fault, this is all BS, why does this crap happen to me consistently? Those were the thoughts that rushed through my mind. I didn't want to think about it, but man, how could you not?

I eventually got my head straightened out. I blotted the whole thing out of my mind, and acted like February never happened. Started talking with my stepfather, started playing poker again, only I was breaking even. But hey, I was not worried about that, because I knew things would work out.

Then, yeah, Round 2.

I get a comment on Myspace from Hyunsil, saying, "What's your e-mail address?"

I sent one back saying, "Why do YOU wanna know?!" Thinking, that would end everything.

I'm having a great day, then I get a phone call from Jake:

"Hey man, I need to know what you want me to do. You got this letter up here, and normally I'd just send it out, but...it's from Hyunsil."

I had him read it over the phone. This is what it said, along with my thoughts about what was written.

To Corey;

Hi, how's everything?

Pretty crappy, thank you. Maybe you can really make my year and come back to the States at Easter and burn my house down.

It's me, Hyunsil.

Next up on the Captain Obvious Show: Are Marshmallows sticky?

It has been a really really long time since we had last talk. I arrived here (in Seoul) safely because you had prayed for me a lot, thank you very much!

I hadn't prayed for her at all, I had tried to forget her. If I prayed, it was that someone would screw her over as badly as she had done me.

When I was in Chicago alone, I was embarrassed so much!

You shouldn't have even been back there, and you know it. And the embarrassment should've been about the way you jacked me, not about walking around the States with no guide/interpreter.

You know...I was just upset that you set me free and made me be alone

OMGWTF ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I wanted to keep you around! YOU'RE the one who pushed me away! You're the one who told me, "Go to Ridgway," and now you're pissed at me for actually doing it?!

Even though I came over there because of you.

Well, you have yourself to thank for the aloneness, and if you keep up the current trend, you will be doing so well into your 40's.

It doesn't mean that I wanted to date with you...just wanted to be with you.

Yeah, well, that's information that should've been shared with me before the trip. Instead of talking about the possibilites of sex, and this and that along those lines, why don't you just come out and say THAT instead of the stuff that completely negates that line of reasoning. Yeah, that would've been helpful for my perspective on the trip.

Also, yeah, saying you have a boyfriend BEFOREHAND helps too.

I still haven't come up with the logic behind the "just wanted to be with you." line.

Yeah, we had a great time, and I'll never forget.

Me either, sadly. Mostly the BS though. Maybe liquor will help.

Whenever I see lots of pictures taken in the US, they remind me of you. -_-;

I thought that was going to be a good thing till I saw the emoticon. I swear she needs Bipolar meds.

Corey, I don't know how you feel now..

You don't want to. Because the only thing I can think of that would equivocal to you is bathing in a bathtub full of scissors...wait, that sounds perfect, you go ahead and do that, and understand how I feel, and I'll be here waiting when your arteries clot.

But I just... I don't wanna lose a friend like you.

Should've thought of that before you sent that e-mail. But I forgot, women DON'T think when they PMS. My bad. You should work on that.

I hope your reply will come soon.

I hope you have powerful lungs that would be necessary to hold your breath as long as it would take for my reply to come. Actually right now, I don't. I hope you hold your breath and die.

And I hope to see you in Korea soon.

Only if God hates me as much as I think he does!

I want to apologize all my fault in the US.

So you write this letter to complain about how I "abandoned you," when I, at your request, sent you back to Chicago, and went to Southern Illinois, and now it's all your fault?! Yeah, it's all your fault, and I hate you for it. And now you've got my mind so messed up that I've lost focus on everything again except sorting this out. Why won't you leave me alone like you said you were?!

I wasn't going to write back. Honest to God. But I got drunk several nights after this letter, and got pissed off, and wrote a five page letter that basically said what was said above in long form, followed by telling her, "If she wanted to keep me as a friend, she was going to have to learn what a friendship was, and actually reciprocate what was being put into the friendship by the other party."

I never got a response back.

Most of what happened between now and the end will be discussed in one of my later blog posts, but in June, I finally broke down. I couldn't stand it anymore, I needed to put an end to this standoff. I bought a phone card and called her. When she picked up, I said, "Hello," only to hear her hang up.

I was pained by that result. Two days later, I get a comment on Myspace saying that she was in class, and couldn't talk, and to call her back.

So I did, and things pretty much returned to normal. Well...as normal as it can get after going through all of the above.

The Annual Survey Again

Well, since I swore up and down that I did this last year, I'll do at again this year, just to see what has changed since.

Name: Corey
Siblings By Blood: none
Brothers: none
Sisters: none
Eye color: dark brown
Shoe size: 10 1/2
Height: 5'9"
Innie or Outie: innie
What are you wearing right now?: work clothes
Where do you live?: Harrisburg
Righty or lefty: righty.
Best place to go for a first date: to a nice restaurant followed by a walk (if it's warm out)
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Favorites
Number: 147
Boys Name: adam
Girls Name: jennifer
Drink: propel fitness water or barq's root beer
Month: April
Juice: orange juice
Breakfast: bagels and cream cheese
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Have You Ever..
Smoked: yes
Bungee jumped: no
Made yourself throw-up: yes
Gone skinny dipping: no
Loved somebody so much it made you cry: Yes
Broken a bone: Yes, my toe twice, once playing hackeysack, and once playing poker (believe me, don't ask)
Played Truth or Dare: yes
Been in a police car: no
Came close to dying: yes, seriously, yes, i almost died in '03.
Been in a sauna: no
Been in a hot tub: yes
Swam in the ocean: no
Fallen asleep in school: School = sleep
Broken someone's heart: I don't know.
Cried when someone died: Yes.
Cried in school: Yeah, that was a horrible day.
Fell off your chair: Countless times.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Yes
Saved AIM conversation: I save them all.
Saved e-mails: I'm an e-mail packrat thanks to Gmail.
Made out with just a friend: no.
Been cheated on: Yes, but I had found out AFTER we broke up, so it didn't phase me too much.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
What is...
What's your room like: pretty dark...kinda cool right now actually
What is beside you: 2-liter of pepsi, phone, m&ms, and a couple dvd's
What is the last thing you ate: McChickens
What kind of shampoo do you use: whatever's in the shower
------------------------------------------------------------
Ever Had...
Chicken pox: nope
Sore throat: who hasn't?
Stitches: yes
Broken nose: technically
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Do You...
Believe in love at first sight: No
Like picnics: Yes
Like school: No
---------------------------------------------
Questions:
Who was the last person you called: Aunt Bobbi
Who was the last person you danced with: thinking back, last person i danced with was Abby back in 2003...yikes!
Who makes you smile: God
------------------------------------------------------------
Who...
Did you last yell at: Harley
Broke your heart last: Hyunsil
Told you they loved you last? Mom
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Do you like filling these out: meh...
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses: neither
Do you like yourself: sometimes
get along with your family?: sometimes
-----------------------------------------------
What are you listening to right now: the whir of my computer
What did you do yesterday?: Christmas dinner with the family, guitar hero, worked on my comic strip.
Hated someone in your family: honestly? no one now.
What car do you wish to have: BMW m5
Where do you want to get married: someplace beautiful, doesn't really matter.
Good driver: yes
Good singer: i'm a good screamer, i can also drop bombs on you!
Diamond or pearl: diamond
Indoor or outdoor: indoor
---------------------------------------------------------
Today did you...
1. Talk to someone you liked: yes
2. Buy something: no
3. Get sick: no
4. Sing: no
5. Talked to an ex: no
6. Miss someone: Yes
-----------------------------------------------------
Last person who....
10. Was in your bed?: me
11. Saw you cry: Dan
12. Made you cry: Rangel
13. Went to the movies with: Mom
14. You went to the mall with: Autumn
16. Ever been in a fight with your pet: when i had to put nametags on them
17. Been to California: no
18. Been to Mexico: no
19. Been to Canada: no
20. Been to Africa: no
--------------------------------------------------------
Random.....
21. Who was your first celebrity crush: Dolly Parton (sad, right?)
22. What books are you reading now: Call To Die, The Final Quest
23. Best feeling in the world: Knowing you've made a difference in a small way
24. Future KIDS names: not sure
25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: no
26. What's under your bed: an old alarm clock
27. Favorite sport to watch: hockey
28. Favorite location?: Indianapolis
29. Piercing/Tattoos: Neither
32. Who do you really hate?: i hate no one, i just have a few people who irk me
33. Do you have a job?: yeah
35. Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with? yes
37. Are you lonely right now: not totally
38. Song that's stuck in your head right now: The Unwinding Cable Car by Anberlin
39. Have you ever played strip poker: yes, but no one wanted to play with me
40. Have you ever gotten beat up: yes
43. Have you ever been in a mosh-pit: yes
44. Ever liked someone but thought they'd never noticed you? yes
__________________________________________
random

What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?: their face
Your Favorite Food?: pasta & korean food (rock the bulgogi)
Have you ever cried for no reason?: yes
Hugs or kisses?: kisses.
Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn?: butter
Favorite Flower?: red roses
Have you ever fired a gun?: yes
Do you like to travel by plane as opposed to car?: car
How many pillows do you sleep with: one

I am not dead

I am still very much alive, although there have been times over the last couple weeks that I wished I wasn't. There will be more to come, and a huge blog to come that will discuss the goings on of this month, but in summation, I got screwed.

Prepare yourself, the blog won't be pretty.

Hyunsil FTW, Chicago FTL

Three words, plain and simple: What a day.

Woke up at 6 to go to O'Hare. I got there at around 7:50, and look at the screen to find out her flight was coming in 15 minutes early. So then began the huge waiting game. My heart was racing at incredible speeds as I waited outside the gate. Around 8:50, I saw a sight my eyes never in a million years thought they would see. Her walking towards me waving. In a moment of awkwardness, we both fumbled to get to each other, and finally did. Just what a rush.

Right now, she is taking a nap. 11 hour flights have that effect on people. I took an hour nap. But we haven't done too much sightseeing yet, but have been spending time together. And it's just been great.

Unfortunately, neither one of us properly estimated exactly how bitter the cold in Chitown is. While she was napping, I went to Walgreens to buy each of us scarves, and her some earmuffs and gloves. All in all, I think we have it pretty much covered.

I can go into much more detail later on, when I have more time to. But believe me, this trip, despite us being crazy enough to go Chicago in the dead of winter, is well worth it. Just seeing her is amazing. And that's all I've been asking for.

Title: In Chicago; Will Meet Hyunsil

I'm trying to type this as fast as possible, as the internet charges are outrageous here. In fact I'm writing this befcore I type it so I won't waste time thinking; how's THAT for efficiency?

I am a zombie right now. I fell asleep at midnight, got woke up at 12:30 by a strange noise, couldn't fall back asleep till 1:30. Jake woke me up at 3:30. Yeah, I got a ton of sleep.

I got on the train at 6:30. I got one hour sleep on there. Go me.

But, I made it to Chicago. A lot of the nerves are gone. Now that I'm here, I'm not as scared. I felt comfortable on the bus, and easily handled the EL. Yes, I am a juggernaught.

I decided on a proper course of action upon arriving to Chitown while I was on the train:

1. Check-in @ the hostel.
2. Go to O'Hare & survey the transit to and meet-up situation of the International terminal.

I felt this was tons better than sitting in the hostel all day and winging it tomorrow. Yes, Allan, I gave up on winging it; please <3>

O'Hare was a veritable Hell in '01. That wasn't under optimal conditions, however. This time was a snap. I found the itnernational terminal easily & found the meeting spot easily. Now I'm going to e-mail Hyunsil with the hope that she checks her e-mail before leaving Tokyo, to ease her mind about O'Hare.

So here I am, less than 24 hours from meeting Hyunsil. And I havve the strangest calm around me right now. It's so great.

Plans WERE to meet up with gkunit20 off FCP, and go buy some incidentals I forgot to pack (including an alarm clock...bleh).

Needless to say, don't expect me to be online till I get to Naptown. Correction: WE get to Naptown.

Pictures will come. This will be worth it.

Was King wrong?

I'm beginning to believe so...at least partially wrong.

40 years later, and I'm still not sure all the words Dr. King spoke in Washington will ever come to pass.  That does not mean that I don't believe them to be true, I just believe that everything he said was way too idealistic for society even as a majority to ever hope to accomplish.

It's easy to say we can judge people by the content of their character...if they look like you.  No one is able to judge people by the content of their character if they don't because they cannot get past the color of their skin.  We can live side-by-side with people of different races, but that doesn't mean we accept them.  We're just in "live and let live" mode.

When it comes down to the bitter truth, and comes time to decide something important based on race, we still fall back on ours and our ancestors' prejudices.  No man can love a woman (or vice versa) from a different race without society as a majority, even those we hold so close, stepping in between them and saying it's wrong.  People will not trust another person from a different race because no one really can trust what is different.  We can say we can do these things, but in the end, our stereotypes will always come into play, whether we want to admit it or not.  And as such:

• White people will always be gluttonous, opportunistic, and power-hungry backstabbers.
• Black people will always be lazy, angry, and criminals.
• Asians will always be good at math, bad drivers, and quick to butcher English, while their women will always be green card-grubbing.
• Arabs will always be terrorists and jihad-obsessed.
• Hispanics will always be fence jumpers and cheap wage job thieves.
• East Indians will always be slurpee machines and piss-poor tech support.

It's sad, but it's true.  At least in the eyes of the whole world, because that's all they can see, and not the whole person.  And anyone from one race who believes differently about another race will be told that they are wrong, and that they will see how wrong they are soon.  If they don't see it, then they are delusional according to everyone else.

Saying that there have been steps taken in the correct direction are irrational, because those steps were, and still are, taken with everyone spitting in their faces.

You can say that KKK, Black Panther, and various other hate groups' membership numbers have dwindled.  That doesn't change the fact that people still privately harbor racial prejudices.

In the end, Dr. King had a dream.  I will admit that it was a good one, and one that I believed, and still cling to strands of belief, in. But in the end, maybe it's time to face the fact that it was just that: a dream.

Blowing Brains Through the Airplane

I would point the gun at you
Just to make myself feel better
Even if it's just temporary pleasure
It could cause you an eternity of pain
If I could make this easier
And promise everything would be fine
I would do whatever it took
To make it happen
But knowing what I know now
It's just too hard to take that chance
It's not easy to destroy your life
On this one slim hope of something real
I would point the gun at myself
Just to make you feel better
So let's say our goodbyes
Because I'm playing Russian Roulette tonight

T-minus 17 days

I'll probably write another one of these before I leave, but I'm just so anxious I can't even take it.

February 1st, I leave for Chicago.  I know that isn't a huge thing in normal terms.  For me, however, this trip will be monumental.

Why?  Because on February 2nd, Hyunsil will be joining me there.

Yes, you heard me right.  I know I've said me and Hyunsil are meeting up several times in the past, but this time it is for sure.  She has bought her plane ticket here.  She has her Visa.  We have arranged the hotel room and bought train tickets back to Indianapolis.  It is 100% certain that she is coming.

And yes, she is coming to stay with me for a while.  And we are headed back to So. ILL for a little bit too.  It's completely official.

She arrives on the 2nd, and leaves on the 5th of March.  Which gives us a little more than a month together.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am in shock.  Like, I have been dreaming of this happening for the longest time, but began to doubt that it would ever come about.  Now it's certain that it will.  I can't even fathom it.

As for the next couple weeks, I have to deal with the logistical nightmare of planning and plotting this out.  I'm pretty much done, but it's still a nightmare.  Including one thing I dread more than anything: O'Hare.  I'm to meet her at O'Hare, and we'll be taking the shuttle back to the hotel.  Unfortunately, I cannot go within the terminal she arrives from because I do not have a ticket, and the way it appears, the instant she clears customs, she is in the parking lot.  What a nightmare.  Now I've got to figure out a meeting place.

Considering O'Hare, this may take up until the last possible minute that I have to synchronize this meeting place with her to figure it out.

...I really hate O'Hare.  But O'Hare will not daunt me now.  Hyunsil will be waiting for me in almost 2 weeks.  I will kick security in the nuts to meet up with her if needs be.

***********DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A TERRORIST. KTHXBYE***********