Until I have time to post more...

Food for thought, and my main idea about my life: If I could cut off my hands and my mouth...I would commit very little sin.

Allow me to elaborate....Think of the many things people do with their hands. They use obscene gestures to insult people. They kill, they fight, they hurt. There are so many other things to do with hands...with your mouth, you talk badly about people...man I can't think today. But you get what I'm saying?

Something freaky just happened today, I'm guessing it's all cause of friday the thirteenth...yeah, ok sure...whatever.

Well here's what happened:

I was set to volunteer as an usher for a play here at college for lab hours in my theatre class. Well, the people that was to come in were from various high schools around here. One of the schools is where the guitarist that was supposed to play in Draumatikpauz goes, and he showed up. So we started talking before the play, and this dude came up to him. And guitarist dude introduced me to him. Well, the dude looked quite interesting...pretty goth and had about 5 or so piercings. Not like the piercings really freak me out too much anymore...I've been to Cornerstone Festival...it's not gonna phase me that much. And I've seen people worse at our shows. Well, then I shook the dude's hands...and I'm telling you, it felt like I had touched my hand to the bottom of a scalding hot skillet. I had to take my hand away cause I thought it was going to burn off. I'm telling you, I think the dude was demon possessed. I started praying, but i don't know what the heck I was supposed to do in that situation. It quite frankly scared me. I mean, I've been around weird things, but this is by far the freakiest. What was i supposed to do? Did i handle it well?

Just be praying about this guy...I just really have that feeling that whatever was inside him was not supposed to naturally be there...so pray that it gets taken away.

Well, decided I'd let you know what's going on today.

1. Stick Shift should officially have a full roster now! Phil and I found a drummer. We're trying to get hold of our guitarist to make sure he's still in. But, if all goes well, we're set for our return!

That's about it now. I may post more later, but that's just the big news today that I wanted to say something about!

I was sitting at school, doing absolutely nothing, and then all of a sudden, I felt like writing. So I opened up OpenOffice.org Writer and started typing. Here's what I had to say:
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I just felt like writing right now. I don't know why. I don't know what I'm going to write about. But I'm going to write. Everything sucks right now. I don't understand why. I should be happy. In fact, I should be running down the halls screaming praises to God at the top of my lungs. I mean, everything has been going good. I have the song written that will launch my music career. God has told me who my future wife is. No one's died within the last month. I've not been diagnosed with cancer. So why am I down on myself?

I'm always looking at everything from the darkest viewpoint. I always look for reasons for why things won't happen, and not the reasons why God wants them to happen. Am I stupid or something? Can I not see that God's reasoning is different than my own? I mean, this is so incredibly stupid. I've got everything going for me, but I can't take time out of my lazy life to even read the Bible. And how about my prayer life? Why is that non-existent? Because I take too much time to be lazy and gripe about how I'm bored and never do anything! If I wanted to do something, why don't I read my Bible and pray?! It's that simple, really! If I would stop being so apathetic about not doing anything and actually do something worthwhile, wouldn't there be a difference in my life? Wouldn't I have a change in my life that I know I need in order to face my future responsibilities, which I know are inevitably coming soon? Why don't I strive for it? Am I scared to face this change? I don't know why I should be. The only thing that's gonna change is that I'm going to become more blessed. Why would I not want to be more blessed? Why can't I just wake myself up out of this depressing dream I've thrown myself back into and do something about it?!

Every time I do this, I make myself go mental. I hurt myself. I hurt other people. I wonder why God would want me. I doubt that God would want me. I turn away for a while. I come back full force. I fizzle out again. Repeat step one. It's a vicious circle, and it's stupid. Every time I do this and get back on track I say how much I hate the way I act when I get to that breaking point and how I would never want to go back there again. But three months later, I'm back there again. It's sickening. Am I that afraid of success, of blessings, that I'll go back to a place I hate to be just to hide from it? Am I just a whine-bag that only wants to get sympathy from others? Why would I want to be like that? Sympathy gets you nothing, but blessings give you everything. And I want everything. I just don't know why I get so scared to get everything. And why do I always feel so stupid? Why do I always have to act the idiot?

Did someone automatically designate me the idiot of the region? It seems no matter what I do, people treat me like the village idiot. My youth pastor, my youth group, a lot of my friends make me feel like I am a huge doofus. I could discover the cure for cancer, and say that to my youth pastor, and he'd just laugh at me and say, “Corey, go back to your hole.” That's the way I feel. It hurts that I always have to be that idiot, and no matter what I say, nobody takes me seriously. They only take me seriously when I'm joking. And when I'm serious, they think I'm being stupid. It's pathetic. I wish I could just get up in front of my whole entire church and tell them I'm not the idiot that they portray me to be. If only I hadn't acted the fool when I first started to go to church there. Maybe I'd be treated differently. Or perhaps the people that continuously make me look like the biggest boob of the church would still find things to pick at.

I always feel like the odd one out. I always feel like people intentionally try to get to me, and try to bring me down. And then, I feel like there's a lot of time when I'm being constantly ignored. I sometimes feel like I could walk into a place and scream, “Bomb!” and no one would even hear me. Sometimes I've been tempted to do that, just to see if anyone would actually hear me.

I think that's all I have to say now. I just wanted to write, and get things out. Now that I've ranted, you can go back to what you were doing. There's nothing more to see here.

I got Phil so good today...he has gotten obsessed with eBay, and started talking about his conquests...so I just pulled out one of my jokes to get him distracted. Phil is: I touched a llama!!!!!!!! and you should know who I am:

I touched a llama!!!!!!!! says:
i just got the stavesacre ep for $6.99 still sealed

Corey Lanier: I can't feel the way I did before, don't turn your back on me, I WON'T BE IGNORED! says:
you boob

I touched a llama!!!!!!!! says:
did you see the one with the buy it now option?

Corey Lanier: I can't feel the way I did before, don't turn your back on me, I WON'T BE IGNORED! says:
nope

I touched a llama!!!!!!!! says:
they had 2 and i got 1

I touched a llama!!!!!!!! says:
i just saved with shipping a dollar less than full price where i was going to get it

I touched a llama!!!!!!!! says:
GO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Corey Lanier: I can't feel the way I did before, don't turn your back on me, I WON'T BE IGNORED! says:
yay phil...you're the coolest

Corey Lanier: I can't feel the way I did before, don't turn your back on me, I WON'T BE IGNORED! says:
can i have your kids...i mean, autograph?

I touched a llama!!!!!!!! says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I touched a llama!!!!!!!! says:
..................................................................

I touched a llama!!!!!!!! says:
..........................................................................

I touched a llama!!!!!!!! says:
................................no

Thought this might brighten someone's day...

Well, I just realized I still have this Xanga thingy, so I decided to get back on here. That's when I found out that someone had signed me up for a Premium trial membership...I only have one day of it left...WOOHOO! Who did that?

Here's an update on me.

1. I finished that testimony. But I got sick the night before I was to give it. So I did it the next week. And I about threw up giving it. Oh fun. But it turned out well, even though I was obviously nervous as heck. It didn't help that it just happened to be the week my youth pastor showed up to the group to make an announcement. I always feel like he's scrutinizing my every move anyway. So, that amplified that by 100 times. But it all went well.

2. I've started to work on a song. This is a huge song. In fact, God has seriously told me this will be the song I'm going to sell first as a songwriter. I've put guitar, bass, and piano to this song. I'd put drums to it, but I suck. I'm talking to a dude at church about doing that. Another dude is supposed to hopefully put violin to it. Did I tell you how BIG this song is? I even know who I'm supposed to pitch this song at. Not telling who. But said singer is big. More details on this as they come.

3. Staying single is hard...NOW THAT I WANT TO BE SINGLE! I couldn't get nobody when I wanted a girlfriend, except for a psycho who will remain unnamed, but is the big reason why I've gone solo. And now, this girl I've met at college is showing interest in me. And not that I wouldn't date her, because I dig her, I just keep thinking, "Crap, what were you doing 3 months ago?!"

4. I've decided not to program that MSN wannabe for Linux. I'm pushing forward with downloading the upgrades for Linux on my home computer. Yes, even with dialup. So yes, this has been like a monthlong process, and it's still not halfway done. This is considering that since I've started, both my graphical interfaces and the kernel have come out with new versions that I've had to redownload. I'm currently in the process of downloading a 157MB file at home. And one thought downloading songs on dialup was an ordeal. Luckily I got a download manager that should hopefully resume the download even after I shut down my PC.

5. Lately I've been feeling dry. If ya peoples will pray that I get out of this one, do it! Thanks in advance.

My goals this week:

1. Read my Bible EVERY DAY!

2. Get drums to my big song.

3. Audition one of the two singers for the song that want to record the demo of it for me.

4. Write some new songs!!!!!!!

5. Finish the big 157MB download, download the new kernel, and then continue getting all the other files I need.