I have had calls that made me lose my composure on the phone before. I have literally crushed Tylenol bottles beyond the point of recognition during calls, because I knew if I took my aggression out on said bottle, I wouldn't take it out on the customer. I'm a scrawny guy, with very little muscle mass, so for me to crush a Tylenol bottle is a feat in itself.
Unfortunately, there's some calls that go longer than it took for me to squeeze a Tylenol bottle to oblivion, and thus, take some of the brunt of my agitation at that point. This guy is a poster boy for these kind of moments.
I had this guy on the line, and had to put his username and password into his modem. Seems simple right? WRONG! This guy is getting a bad IP. I know this because whenever he tries to pull a webpage, it says "Unable to access the Verizon network." But, for the sake of putting it in my notes, I have to prove he has a bad IP.
To do this, we have to pull up a page in the modem. To do this, at the top of EVERY FREAKING PAGE in the modem, there is the following menu:
Westell Logo---Home----Status----Configuration----Troubleshooting----Help
And when you pull down the Status menu, it shows as above, but with Connection Summary and About underneath Status. We're going to go to Connection Summary. Sounds easy?
...here is the conversation that ensued.
Me: Sir, are we back at the Westell page?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Ok, please click on Status, and then Connection Summary.
Customer: Where is that at?
Me: It's at the top of the Westell page.
Customer: I don't see it.
Me: Scroll up to the top of the Westell page.
Customer: Ok. (Fake scrolls up I think)
Me: Do you see the Westell logo?
Customer: No! I don't see it! Can you be more specific?
Me: Look at the top of your page in Internet Explorer, and please tell me what you see.
Customer: Wirespeed Dual Connect - Microsoft Internet Explorer
Me: ....Sir, that is the title bar of Internet Explorer.
Customer: No it's not.
Me: Yes it is.
Customer: No, no, no.
Me: Yes, yes, yes.
Customer: No, I am looking at the top of Internet Explorer like you said.
Me: No sir, I said the top of the page in your Internet Explorer, not the top of your screen.
Customer: Can you please be more specific?
Me: Fine. Look at the very top of the screen. Do you see where it says Wirespeed Dual Connect?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Great. Do you see below that File, Edit, View, Favorites, Tools and Help?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Great. Do you see below that Back, Forward, Stop, Refresh, and Home?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Great. Do you see the address bar below that?
Customer: Yes.
Me: And below that do you see the Westell logo, then, Status, Configuration, Troubleshooting, and Help?
Customer: NO!
Me: ...What do you see then?
Customer: GOOGLE!
Me: ...Google?
Customer: Yeah. Google Links, Google Mail, Google Popups, Google Search...
Me: ...Sir, that's a toolbar.
Customer: Yeah. What do you want me to click? Google Links? Ok I'll click--
Me: No! Don't click anything.
Customer: Ok, I'll click on Goo--
Me: NO! DON'T CLICK ON GOOGLE!
Customer: But google...
Me: NO! FORGET GOOGLE! WE DON'T NEED GOOGLE! WE'RE NOT EVEN ONLINE RIGHT NOW, SO HOW CAN YOU DO ANYTHING WITH GOOGLE! FOR RIGHT NOW, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FORGET THAT GOOGLE EVEN EXISTS!
Customer: ...Ok.
Me: Below your Google toolbar...
Customer: But you said forget Google...
Me: Shut up. Below the toolbar, do you see the Westell logo, Home, Status, Configuration, Troubleshooting, and Help?
Customer: NO! Can you be more specific?
Me: It doesn't get more specific than that.
Customer: It has to.
Me: Please hold.
Customer: Ok.
*After I wipe the tears from my eyes, I decide to find the direct URL to that page in my notes*
Me: Ok, sir, type this in on the address bar please. *give full URL*
Customer: Ok.
Me: Where did it take you?
Customer: Nowhere.
Me: Did you hit enter?
Customer: No.
Me: Hit enter please.
Customer: Ok.
Me: Now, where did it take you?
Customer: Page cannot be displayed.
Me: Oh, for God's sake. Hit Back.
Customer: Ok.
Me: Now, do you see that menu?
Customer: No.
Me: Hit F5 on your keyboard. (For those of you who don't know, F5 is a shortcut to Refresh)
Customer: Ok.
Me: Now do you see the Westell menu?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Thanks, genious. You wasted 20 minutes on something that could've been solved by scrolling up.
And there you have it.
Unfortunately, there's some calls that go longer than it took for me to squeeze a Tylenol bottle to oblivion, and thus, take some of the brunt of my agitation at that point. This guy is a poster boy for these kind of moments.
I had this guy on the line, and had to put his username and password into his modem. Seems simple right? WRONG! This guy is getting a bad IP. I know this because whenever he tries to pull a webpage, it says "Unable to access the Verizon network." But, for the sake of putting it in my notes, I have to prove he has a bad IP.
To do this, we have to pull up a page in the modem. To do this, at the top of EVERY FREAKING PAGE in the modem, there is the following menu:
Westell Logo---Home----Status----Configuration----Troubleshooting----Help
And when you pull down the Status menu, it shows as above, but with Connection Summary and About underneath Status. We're going to go to Connection Summary. Sounds easy?
...here is the conversation that ensued.
Me: Sir, are we back at the Westell page?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Ok, please click on Status, and then Connection Summary.
Customer: Where is that at?
Me: It's at the top of the Westell page.
Customer: I don't see it.
Me: Scroll up to the top of the Westell page.
Customer: Ok. (Fake scrolls up I think)
Me: Do you see the Westell logo?
Customer: No! I don't see it! Can you be more specific?
Me: Look at the top of your page in Internet Explorer, and please tell me what you see.
Customer: Wirespeed Dual Connect - Microsoft Internet Explorer
Me: ....Sir, that is the title bar of Internet Explorer.
Customer: No it's not.
Me: Yes it is.
Customer: No, no, no.
Me: Yes, yes, yes.
Customer: No, I am looking at the top of Internet Explorer like you said.
Me: No sir, I said the top of the page in your Internet Explorer, not the top of your screen.
Customer: Can you please be more specific?
Me: Fine. Look at the very top of the screen. Do you see where it says Wirespeed Dual Connect?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Great. Do you see below that File, Edit, View, Favorites, Tools and Help?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Great. Do you see below that Back, Forward, Stop, Refresh, and Home?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Great. Do you see the address bar below that?
Customer: Yes.
Me: And below that do you see the Westell logo, then, Status, Configuration, Troubleshooting, and Help?
Customer: NO!
Me: ...What do you see then?
Customer: GOOGLE!
Me: ...Google?
Customer: Yeah. Google Links, Google Mail, Google Popups, Google Search...
Me: ...Sir, that's a toolbar.
Customer: Yeah. What do you want me to click? Google Links? Ok I'll click--
Me: No! Don't click anything.
Customer: Ok, I'll click on Goo--
Me: NO! DON'T CLICK ON GOOGLE!
Customer: But google...
Me: NO! FORGET GOOGLE! WE DON'T NEED GOOGLE! WE'RE NOT EVEN ONLINE RIGHT NOW, SO HOW CAN YOU DO ANYTHING WITH GOOGLE! FOR RIGHT NOW, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FORGET THAT GOOGLE EVEN EXISTS!
Customer: ...Ok.
Me: Below your Google toolbar...
Customer: But you said forget Google...
Me: Shut up. Below the toolbar, do you see the Westell logo, Home, Status, Configuration, Troubleshooting, and Help?
Customer: NO! Can you be more specific?
Me: It doesn't get more specific than that.
Customer: It has to.
Me: Please hold.
Customer: Ok.
*After I wipe the tears from my eyes, I decide to find the direct URL to that page in my notes*
Me: Ok, sir, type this in on the address bar please. *give full URL*
Customer: Ok.
Me: Where did it take you?
Customer: Nowhere.
Me: Did you hit enter?
Customer: No.
Me: Hit enter please.
Customer: Ok.
Me: Now, where did it take you?
Customer: Page cannot be displayed.
Me: Oh, for God's sake. Hit Back.
Customer: Ok.
Me: Now, do you see that menu?
Customer: No.
Me: Hit F5 on your keyboard. (For those of you who don't know, F5 is a shortcut to Refresh)
Customer: Ok.
Me: Now do you see the Westell menu?
Customer: Yes.
Me: Thanks, genious. You wasted 20 minutes on something that could've been solved by scrolling up.
And there you have it.
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