The Verizon Files: There's No Spelling Letters

A customer calls in asking for their username and password. So i verify the billing address and start telling the username.

Me: "Your user name is as follows: The letter V as in Victor--"
Customer: "Spell that."
Me: "Oy vey. IT'S THE LETTER V! NO SPELLING!"

Later on, they start trying to connect their DSL through DIAL-UP DIALER. Man this is a smart one. So I now I get to hold their hand through setting up their modem.

Me: "Ok, let's type in 192.168.1.1 and then hit enter."
Customer: "Ok."
Me: "What does that bring up?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Me: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It loads a blank page."
Me: "Ok, click on Tools, and then Internet Options."
Customer: "Where is that at?"
Me: "It's at the top of Internet Explorer."
Customer: "I see Tools. But where is Internet Options."
Me: "..................................................................you see that after you click Tools."
Customer: "Ok."
Me: "Are we there now?"
Customer: "Yes."
Me: "Ok. Click on Delete Cookies."
Customer: "Ok."
Me: "Now, we're going to click on Delete Files, and then put a check in the box that says 'Delete all offline content.'"
Customer: "Ok."
Me: "Let me know when that gets done."
Customer: "Ok. Wait."
Me: "Ok."

Two minutes later:

Me: "Has it finished yet?"
Customer: "No."
Me: "Ok, we'll give it some more time then."

One minute later:

Customer: "Ok, it's done."
Me: "Ok, great. Click on the Security tab please."
Customer: "Wait. Damn it, it hasn't even loaded Internet Options yet."
Me: "You suck at life. I'm transferring you to Microsoft."
Customer: *whimpers* "....Ok."

There should be a noose included in our installation kits for times like these.