You've waiting so long
And wanted so badly
To say what you really felt
To pour out your heart again
But never a time
Never a moment
Has been the right time
Such as this
With it all on the line
And your heart looking back
You must finally take your leap
And live with the decision
No more excuses
And no more defeat
The only defeat you've had
Is defeat in not trying
But no longer
For as you hear the cry
Of a million broken hearts
Wailing for you to take the chances
They never took
You will walk inside the fire
And no longer feel the burn of regret
On this winter Tuesday night.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
The Verizon Files: The Corey Lanier "Please Don't Reprooduce" Dating Service
I was on a fairly normal call. Guy calls in, complains his DSL light's blinking, which means he isn't getting his DSL signal from the central office. I do all the necessary steps, am unable to fix it, thus I have to escalate this to a technician to go out and work on his lines. I go to my tier 3 agent, who promptly tags it for escalation. I escalate it no trouble.
However, I was giving the customer his network ticket. The next to last character in the ticket number was the letter L. he read it back to me as a 6.
how do you get 6 from L?
I'm just glad when I corrected him, that he didn't ask, "Oh, you mean the LETTER L?!" Or else, I would've been asking him if he wanted a mail order bride from Virginia.
However, I was giving the customer his network ticket. The next to last character in the ticket number was the letter L. he read it back to me as a 6.
how do you get 6 from L?
I'm just glad when I corrected him, that he didn't ask, "Oh, you mean the LETTER L?!" Or else, I would've been asking him if he wanted a mail order bride from Virginia.
Pranks gone terribly awry, but still funny as crap
Originally posted on FCP in May 2006. Also of note, this was at 2 AM.
So, I had a friend pick me up at work tonight, because my car's out of commission right now. As I'm getting out the doors, I see his car, sitting in front of the doors with the lights on, but I look, and he's reclined the seat, and he's asleep. Here it, in the wee hours of the morning, raining outside... And then the thoughts entered my mind. My conscience is fighting them off, screaming, "NO! HE'S GONNA KILL YOU! DON'T DO IT!"
As I approach the car, I move slowly around to the driver's side so as not to wake him. As I cross to the driver's side, I slowly creep up to the hood. I then JUMP on top of the hood, and splat my face across the windshield screaming as if he just ran over me with the car.
He bounces up out of the seat, screaming like a five-year-old girl, and his arms are flailing around the car in God knows what directions, all the while he is hopping ON HIS BUTT UP THE RECLINED SEAT. Then he realizes it's me, and the look of sheer anger pull across his face as he screams, "GET IN THE CAR DOUCHEBAG!"
Now my conscience is screaming, "I TOLD YOU, NUMBNUTS! BUT YOU JUST HAD TO PULL A FUNNY!"
And apparently, my shut up filter wasn't on, because as soon as I got in the car, I said, "I suppose this isn't the best time to tell you I need to go to Wal-Mart? I'm out of shampoo."
Any time after that, the only words out of his mouth was "SCREW YOU!"
So yeah, I felt bad. And it was seriously wrong. But oh my God, was it funny. I was laughing so hard on the way home that tears were streaming down my face.
By the way, he never took me to Wal-Mart. So I just "borrowed" his car and got my friggin shampoo.
So, I had a friend pick me up at work tonight, because my car's out of commission right now. As I'm getting out the doors, I see his car, sitting in front of the doors with the lights on, but I look, and he's reclined the seat, and he's asleep. Here it, in the wee hours of the morning, raining outside... And then the thoughts entered my mind. My conscience is fighting them off, screaming, "NO! HE'S GONNA KILL YOU! DON'T DO IT!"
As I approach the car, I move slowly around to the driver's side so as not to wake him. As I cross to the driver's side, I slowly creep up to the hood. I then JUMP on top of the hood, and splat my face across the windshield screaming as if he just ran over me with the car.
He bounces up out of the seat, screaming like a five-year-old girl, and his arms are flailing around the car in God knows what directions, all the while he is hopping ON HIS BUTT UP THE RECLINED SEAT. Then he realizes it's me, and the look of sheer anger pull across his face as he screams, "GET IN THE CAR DOUCHEBAG!"
Now my conscience is screaming, "I TOLD YOU, NUMBNUTS! BUT YOU JUST HAD TO PULL A FUNNY!"
And apparently, my shut up filter wasn't on, because as soon as I got in the car, I said, "I suppose this isn't the best time to tell you I need to go to Wal-Mart? I'm out of shampoo."
Any time after that, the only words out of his mouth was "SCREW YOU!"
So yeah, I felt bad. And it was seriously wrong. But oh my God, was it funny. I was laughing so hard on the way home that tears were streaming down my face.
By the way, he never took me to Wal-Mart. So I just "borrowed" his car and got my friggin shampoo.
The Verizon Files: The Technology Terrorist
This was my supervisor's last call as an actual agent before he got promoted. I was griping about a horrendous call to him that I had just had. I can't remember what the call was about, because he decided to drop this one on me.I was originally going to post a 3,000th post that explained my motive of actually taking the time to attempt to 3,000 posts. But, since the opportunity presented itself, I will now post the greatest tech support call of all mankind.
The customer (an arab, so imagine hearing an arab accent when you read what he says, and it makes it all the more funnier) was having a problem getting online. My supervisor had it narrowed down to the modem setting problems, so my supervisor was taking the customer into the modem to change the settings. I need to also point out that the customer was using Windows 98 on this computer. This comes into play later.
Unfortunately, the customer could not even get IE to open. We need IE to get into the modem. So, my supervisor was telling the customer he had to send him to his computer vendor when the customer says, "WAIT! I HAVE ANOTHER COMPUTER. IT IS IN THE CLOSET!" (I guess it was visiting Tom Cruise and R. Kelly...sorry, it had to be done.)
So it takes 10 minutes for the customer to get the computer hooked up and turned on. This computer is running Windows Millenium Edition. You probably have the same question I asked: "Why didn't we start out with the newer version?" That's to be told later.
Here's the conversation that ensued as the customer made it to his desktop:
Supervisor: Ok, let's open up Internet Explorer.
Customer: Wait! It is rebooting.
Supervisor: Ok.
*Two minutes later*
Customer: Ok, it is done.
Supervisor: Ok, let's open up Internet Explorer.
Customer: Ok.
Supervisor: Ok, let's click on...
Customer: Wait! It is rebooting.
Supervisor: Is it rebooting on it's own?
Customer: Yes.
Supervisor: Ok, I'm going to have to send you to your computer...
Customer: WAIT! I HAVE ANOTHER COMPUTER!
So he goes back to the closet, Tom Cruise hands him ANOTHER COMPUTER! This time, we're running Windows XP. That's right, we went up the Windows Hierarchy (or down, depending on how you look at it). It takes another 10 minutes to set up, and boot up.
Supervisor: Ok, let's open up Internet Explorer.
*Background noise on Customer's Side: Window's XP System Shutdown Sound*
Customer: Ok.
Supervisor: Are we there, or is it rebooting again?
Customer: No! I'm there.
Supervisor: Then type in 192.168.1.1.
Customer: Ok, I'm there.
Supervisor: What do you see?
Customer: The Westell page.
Supervisor: What buttons do you see.
Customer: ...................................................
Supervisor: It shut down again, didn't it?
Customer: ...............how did you know?
Supervisor: I HEARD THE SHUTDOWN SOUND! Ok, I'm going to have to get you to your computer...
Customer: WAIT! I HAVE ANOTHER COMPUTER.
Let's recap this folks: We have went through 3 computers, going up in versions in ascending order from the day of the dinosaurs. One computer will not open up IE. Two of them keep rebooting automatically. Diagnosis: This guy is a terrorist to PCs.
Now, we have the guy having R. Kelly hand him ANOTHER COMPUTER! It takes another 10 minutes to set up and boot.
Supervisor: Ok, what version of Windows are we running this time?
Customer: I don't know. How do I find out?
Supervisor: Let's click on Start, and then run.
Customer: Where is that at?
Supervisor: It's at the bottom left of your screen.
Customer: I do not see anything that says, "Start."
Supervisor: .....how many buttons do you have on your mouse?
Customer: ...one?
Supervisor: I can't do support on Macintosh.
Customer: ....how did you know?
Supervisor: I am God. Here's your three computer vendors' phone numbers. Pick one, call them, get it fixed, then call us back. *click*
The customer (an arab, so imagine hearing an arab accent when you read what he says, and it makes it all the more funnier) was having a problem getting online. My supervisor had it narrowed down to the modem setting problems, so my supervisor was taking the customer into the modem to change the settings. I need to also point out that the customer was using Windows 98 on this computer. This comes into play later.
Unfortunately, the customer could not even get IE to open. We need IE to get into the modem. So, my supervisor was telling the customer he had to send him to his computer vendor when the customer says, "WAIT! I HAVE ANOTHER COMPUTER. IT IS IN THE CLOSET!" (I guess it was visiting Tom Cruise and R. Kelly...sorry, it had to be done.)
So it takes 10 minutes for the customer to get the computer hooked up and turned on. This computer is running Windows Millenium Edition. You probably have the same question I asked: "Why didn't we start out with the newer version?" That's to be told later.
Here's the conversation that ensued as the customer made it to his desktop:
Supervisor: Ok, let's open up Internet Explorer.
Customer: Wait! It is rebooting.
Supervisor: Ok.
*Two minutes later*
Customer: Ok, it is done.
Supervisor: Ok, let's open up Internet Explorer.
Customer: Ok.
Supervisor: Ok, let's click on...
Customer: Wait! It is rebooting.
Supervisor: Is it rebooting on it's own?
Customer: Yes.
Supervisor: Ok, I'm going to have to send you to your computer...
Customer: WAIT! I HAVE ANOTHER COMPUTER!
So he goes back to the closet, Tom Cruise hands him ANOTHER COMPUTER! This time, we're running Windows XP. That's right, we went up the Windows Hierarchy (or down, depending on how you look at it). It takes another 10 minutes to set up, and boot up.
Supervisor: Ok, let's open up Internet Explorer.
*Background noise on Customer's Side: Window's XP System Shutdown Sound*
Customer: Ok.
Supervisor: Are we there, or is it rebooting again?
Customer: No! I'm there.
Supervisor: Then type in 192.168.1.1.
Customer: Ok, I'm there.
Supervisor: What do you see?
Customer: The Westell page.
Supervisor: What buttons do you see.
Customer: ...................................................
Supervisor: It shut down again, didn't it?
Customer: ...............how did you know?
Supervisor: I HEARD THE SHUTDOWN SOUND! Ok, I'm going to have to get you to your computer...
Customer: WAIT! I HAVE ANOTHER COMPUTER.
Let's recap this folks: We have went through 3 computers, going up in versions in ascending order from the day of the dinosaurs. One computer will not open up IE. Two of them keep rebooting automatically. Diagnosis: This guy is a terrorist to PCs.
Now, we have the guy having R. Kelly hand him ANOTHER COMPUTER! It takes another 10 minutes to set up and boot.
Supervisor: Ok, what version of Windows are we running this time?
Customer: I don't know. How do I find out?
Supervisor: Let's click on Start, and then run.
Customer: Where is that at?
Supervisor: It's at the bottom left of your screen.
Customer: I do not see anything that says, "Start."
Supervisor: .....how many buttons do you have on your mouse?
Customer: ...one?
Supervisor: I can't do support on Macintosh.
Customer: ....how did you know?
Supervisor: I am God. Here's your three computer vendors' phone numbers. Pick one, call them, get it fixed, then call us back. *click*
Saturday, February 23, 2008
If I am fussy with anyone over the next week...
I'm sorry in advance. I'm doing a website for someone, first time in a while that I've done one, so I might be heavily involved in that project.
On top of that, there's also a ton of personal matters that I'm dealing with, so all of these things may make me fussy at times.
I'm not going to intentionally go out of my way to be a jerk to anybody, just to blanket it under this statement, but I just might have a moment where:
-I'm just in a bad mood all day. Probably means one of said personal matters blew up in my face or escalated even further, and I'm having problems coping.
-I'm perfectly fine, and suddenly snap off. Probably means I'm working on the site, and keep getting errors/the visuals are not looking the way they should if I coded it right, and I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong.
-I just don't talk. I could just be not wanting to say anything because I'm feeling low over personal matters, am really heavily into getting X part of the site done ASAP, or have went to sleep and forgot to set my away message like I have multiple times this past week.
Rest assured, that I'm not usually mad at my friends, and that I usually get mad at myself before I get mad at anyone.
Also, if I start griping to my friends who know what I'm talking about over design problems, don't ask me to start using Dreamweaver or various other web design programs, because that actually slows me down more than debugging does. I use plain text editors, plan and simple. For me, it was how I taught myself to design websites, how I was taught to design websites in school (thus re-enforcing my self-education on web design), and how I'm most comfortable. Looking at WYSIWYG editors seems off to me, whereas looking straight at HTML/CSS/javascript/PHP code feels natural to me.
On top of that, there's also a ton of personal matters that I'm dealing with, so all of these things may make me fussy at times.
I'm not going to intentionally go out of my way to be a jerk to anybody, just to blanket it under this statement, but I just might have a moment where:
-I'm just in a bad mood all day. Probably means one of said personal matters blew up in my face or escalated even further, and I'm having problems coping.
-I'm perfectly fine, and suddenly snap off. Probably means I'm working on the site, and keep getting errors/the visuals are not looking the way they should if I coded it right, and I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong.
-I just don't talk. I could just be not wanting to say anything because I'm feeling low over personal matters, am really heavily into getting X part of the site done ASAP, or have went to sleep and forgot to set my away message like I have multiple times this past week.
Rest assured, that I'm not usually mad at my friends, and that I usually get mad at myself before I get mad at anyone.
Also, if I start griping to my friends who know what I'm talking about over design problems, don't ask me to start using Dreamweaver or various other web design programs, because that actually slows me down more than debugging does. I use plain text editors, plan and simple. For me, it was how I taught myself to design websites, how I was taught to design websites in school (thus re-enforcing my self-education on web design), and how I'm most comfortable. Looking at WYSIWYG editors seems off to me, whereas looking straight at HTML/CSS/javascript/PHP code feels natural to me.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Love Is Shards of Broken Glass
I wrote this one in November 2006, just never been totally ready to put it up until tonight.
I am shards of broken glass
I lie on the floor ignored
I used to be an exquisite vase
But my owner pushed me off my pedestal
And now I'm a pile of disarray
This unordered mess that no one sees beauty in
I wish I was still on my pedestal
But that reality is long past
And I'm just waiting to be swept into the trash
But an antique shop owner did not see these shards
He saw me still as the vase on the pedestal
And he saw the steps needed to return me to this splendor
With glue and a lot of patience
The shopkeeper carefully placed my pieces together
As soon as the glue dried
He put me on a table near a mirror
And I look at myself
I see my old form back
But I also the cracks in me
I see the shards being held together by glue
I'm ugly and imperfect
How will anyone ever see me
As a prize ever again?
I know the shopkeeper does
But will anyone else?
The sale sign is on me
But no one even glances
I see every piece bought but me
I am so alone
And will always be
You walked up to my table
You saw my cracks
You saw the glue stains
And you didn't care
You thought I was beautiful
And needed to have me
You rushed to the shopkeeper
And paid my price
And carried me home
As gently as anyone ever could
And place me on a pedestal
In the middle of your room
Every day and night you looked at me
And admired me like I was the greatest treasure of all
I'm no longer alone
And never will be
Do you understand the analogy?
I am broken with every mistake
Every flaw
Every unhealthy relationship
Just like a vase falling off its pedestal
I cannot fix myself
So I just sit here in my brokenness
God is the shopkeeper
Who sees the beauty in my mess
And with steady hands, fixes said mess
And replaces the broken pieces
He makes me whole
But I am still alone
You are the one who sees through the ugliness
That everyone but God sees
You know my every flaw
But love and need me nonetheless
And every moment with you is delicate and pure
And makes me feel complete through my brokenness
I'm no longer broken
I'm no longer alone
Because this is what love is
And this is the real meaning behind that word
I am shards of broken glass
I lie on the floor ignored
I used to be an exquisite vase
But my owner pushed me off my pedestal
And now I'm a pile of disarray
This unordered mess that no one sees beauty in
I wish I was still on my pedestal
But that reality is long past
And I'm just waiting to be swept into the trash
But an antique shop owner did not see these shards
He saw me still as the vase on the pedestal
And he saw the steps needed to return me to this splendor
With glue and a lot of patience
The shopkeeper carefully placed my pieces together
As soon as the glue dried
He put me on a table near a mirror
And I look at myself
I see my old form back
But I also the cracks in me
I see the shards being held together by glue
I'm ugly and imperfect
How will anyone ever see me
As a prize ever again?
I know the shopkeeper does
But will anyone else?
The sale sign is on me
But no one even glances
I see every piece bought but me
I am so alone
And will always be
You walked up to my table
You saw my cracks
You saw the glue stains
And you didn't care
You thought I was beautiful
And needed to have me
You rushed to the shopkeeper
And paid my price
And carried me home
As gently as anyone ever could
And place me on a pedestal
In the middle of your room
Every day and night you looked at me
And admired me like I was the greatest treasure of all
I'm no longer alone
And never will be
Do you understand the analogy?
I am broken with every mistake
Every flaw
Every unhealthy relationship
Just like a vase falling off its pedestal
I cannot fix myself
So I just sit here in my brokenness
God is the shopkeeper
Who sees the beauty in my mess
And with steady hands, fixes said mess
And replaces the broken pieces
He makes me whole
But I am still alone
You are the one who sees through the ugliness
That everyone but God sees
You know my every flaw
But love and need me nonetheless
And every moment with you is delicate and pure
And makes me feel complete through my brokenness
I'm no longer broken
I'm no longer alone
Because this is what love is
And this is the real meaning behind that word
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