And I'm not even racist...

But seriously, if I have to talk to another Eastern Indian on a tech support line again, one of us is going to die. And considering I'm about 5,000,000,000 miles away from them, it looks like I'm the best bet.

I swear to God, this is just ridiculous. All these computer/technology companies are outsourcing all their tech supports to India, to "save money," AND THESE DOUCHEBAGS DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THEY ARE DOING! HOW IN GOD'S NAME DOES THAT SAVE YOU MONEY, WHEN PEOPLE HAVE TO GO BACK AND FORTH WITH THESE GUYS 1 MILLION TIMES BEFORE ANYTHING AT ALL WORKS?!?!?!

In my mind, wouldn't that LOSE money? Wouldn't people lose faith in your product, and stop buying them?

Well, obviously, they're paying these idiots wooden nickels, because they don't give a crap what they say, just as long as they can entangle you in their indian english doublespeak, and sound partially intelligible. Some don't even go for partially intelligible. They just babble on like rejects from the nut house, and you're just sitting trying not to lose your mind in the process.

Honestly, I just spent on the phone with a guy telling him, "Yes, my internet provider is SBC," for 10 minutes after he asked me what my ISP was, and I said, "SBC." Then I had confirm 5 times that I had done what he told me. Then if I said I had already done something, he would tell me to do it, only in different wording. Really clever. I would never understand that it's THE EXACT SAME PROCESS! No, I'm an absolute idiot, and you are the great destroyer god Shiva!

And clearly, Eastern Indians have no use for sleep! It does not matter what time I have to call tech support, they are always there trying to spread their incoherent and pointless technobabble.

Now, I'm in Live Chat (after connecting directly into the DSL modem), and this idiot is giving me the same runaround.

In fact, here's the transcript:

Venkateswara (51143): Hi, my name is Venkateswara (51143). How may I help you?
Venkateswara (51143): Hi Corey! How are you doing today?

Venkateswara (51143): Please explain me the issue you are experiencing with the Linksys product.
Corey: This is regarding case # 051230-000095, i am still having problems connecting to the internet via my router, my router is completely configured, but not working
Corey: i can however, connect via my dsl modem
Venkateswara (51143): Please give me a few moments to review the incident details.
Corey: ok
Venkateswara (51143): Thank you.
Venkateswara (51143): Thank you for your time and patience!
Venkateswara (51143): If I understood correctly, you are unable to go online through WRK54G. Is that correct?
Corey: correct
Venkateswara (51143): Ok. I'll try my level best to resolve the issue for you.
Venkateswara (51143): Before we begin, I need to ask a few questions that will help me assist you better.
Corey: ok
Venkateswara (51143): Could you please let me know the name of the modem, which you're using?
Corey: the dsl modem?
Venkateswara (51143): That's correct.
Corey: speedstream
Venkateswara (51143): Alright.
Venkateswara (51143): Are you chatting with me from a computer connected by an ethernet cable to the modem directly?
Corey: yeah
Venkateswara (51143): What version of Windows is currently being used on the computer? (for example, Windows 98, ME, 2000, XP, etc.)
Corey: XP
Venkateswara (51143): Please click on "Start", then click on "Run".
Venkateswara (51143): Type "Cmd" and hit enter.
Corey: ok
Venkateswara (51143): Are you in the black window?
Corey: yeah
Venkateswara (51143): In the black window, type "ipconfig/all" and hit enter.
Venkateswara (51143): Let me know the ip address and default gateway.
Corey: 70.225.132.179 for the IP, 70.225.132.178 for the gateway
Venkateswara (51143): Do you have any other ip address on that window?
Corey: nope
Venkateswara (51143): Alright.
Venkateswara (51143): Please try the instructions on the following link to configure your router.
URL Received: http://linksys.custhelp.com/cgi-bin/linksys.cfg/php/enduser/std_adp.php?p_faqid=1040&p_created=1086911813&p_sid=kdmWRkYh&p_accessibility=0&p_lva=&p_sp=cF9zcmNoPTEmcF9zb3J0X2J5PSZwX2dyaWRzb3J0PSZwX3Jvd19jbnQ9MjgwJnBfcHJvZHM9MCZwX2NhdHM9JnBfcHY9JnBfY3Y9JnBfc2VhcmNoX3R5cGU9YW5zd2Vycy5zZWFyY2hfbmwmcF9zY2ZfbGFuZz0xJnBfcGFnZT0xJnBfc2VhcmNoX3RleHQ9Y2FibGUgbW9kZW0gd2l0aCBkeW5hbWljIGlw&p_li=&p_topview=1
Venkateswara (51143): Are you able to open the link, Corey?
Corey: no, pop-up blocker, resend
Venkateswara (51143): Sure, no problem. I will send you again.
Venkateswara (51143): Corey, here is the link.
URL Received: http://linksys.custhelp.com/cgi-bin/linksys.cfg/php/enduser/std_adp.php?p_faqid=1040&p_created=1086911813&p_sid=kdmWRkYh&p_accessibility=0&p_lva=&p_sp=cF9zcmNoPTEmcF9zb3J0X2J5PSZwX2dyaWRzb3J0PSZwX3Jvd19jbnQ9MjgwJnBfcHJvZHM9MCZwX2NhdHM9JnBfcHY9JnBfY3Y9JnBfc2VhcmNoX3R5cGU9YW5zd2Vycy5zZWFyY2hfbmwmcF9zY2ZfbGFuZz0xJnBfcGFnZT0xJnBfc2VhcmNoX3RleHQ9Y2FibGUgbW9kZW0gd2l0aCBkeW5hbWljIGlw&p_li=&p_topview=1
Venkateswara (51143): Are you able to open the link, now?
Corey: yeah
Venkateswara (51143): Good.
Corey: i've already done all of this
Venkateswara (51143): Have you reset the router for 30 seconds before trying to configure the router?
Corey: yes
Venkateswara (51143): How many computers do you have in your network? How many among them would be wireless?
Corey: 3 on the network, 1 wirelessly
Corey: 2 of these run windows xp, one runs linux
Venkateswara (51143): Are you aware of the firmware version of your router?
Corey: not anymore
Venkateswara (51143): Ok.
Venkateswara (51143): Was your router working before
Venkateswara (51143): ?
Corey: Yes. The problem happened when my surge protector was accidentally turned off. I turned it back on. The router was configured correctly, as it was when it was working. The internet worked for 25 seconds, then stopped working through the router.
Venkateswara (51143): Corey, it is possible that the router might have got short circuited when the surge protector was turned off. However, you could try hard reset /reconfigure of the router.
Corey: I did
Venkateswara (51143): Have you hard reset the router for 90 seconds?
Corey: yes
Venkateswara (51143): Alright.
Venkateswara (51143): May I know, where you're located, please?
Corey: Indianapolis, Indiana
Venkateswara (51143): May I know the date of purchase of this router, please?
Corey: September 2005
Venkateswara (51143): Alright.
Venkateswara (51143): Could you please let me know the status of lights on your router?
Corey: Power, WLAN, and 1 & 2 are lighted
Venkateswara (51143): Alright.
Venkateswara (51143): Corey, since this issue requires more direct interaction, I suggest you to contact our Technical Support department (Voice) atl 1-800-326-7114 and an agent will happily assist you over the phone.
Corey: I've already been there, and they provided absolutely no help whatsoever!
Venkateswara (51143): Corey, since it is not possible to troubleshoot the issue as you're connected through the modem, May I suggest you to contact Technical Support department (Voice) and ask for level 2 support?
Venkateswara (51143): I am sure they should be able to assist you further.
Corey: What's the difference between level 2 support and what I'm on right now
Venkateswara (51143): Corey, we are from level 1 support. Level 2 support is over voice.
Venkateswara (51143): Level 2 would provide advance technical support.
Venkateswara (51143): Do you have any other questions regarding linksys products that I can help you with today?
Corey: Then I've already talked with level 2, and they have provided no advanced technical support, they pretty much told me the same things you did. So in all fairness, there is no difference between level 1 and level 2, it's just a cooler name!
Venkateswara (51143): Corey, I understand your concern.

Venkateswara (51143): May I know the model number of your speedstream modem, please?
Corey: 060-E142-A02
Venkateswara (51143): Since, it is not possible to troubleshoot this issue over chat, as the issue involves connection of modem through the router. I suggest you to contact linksys customer service at 1-800 546 5797 option 3,3 and 6, as you have already availed our technical voice support.

I swear to God, I'm not racist. Anyone who knows me knows that. And if I met an Eastern Indian, who was nice to me, I would be nice back. Who knows? We may end up being friends. But if I was to find out he/she worked in Technical Support for Linksys, Adelphia, SBC, or any other technical support I've ever had to call, I will kill him dead faster than it takes me to blink.